found on a hard disc backup from 1989 or so.. I probably got it a few years before... Rob. TIME BEETLE Originally by Paul Farah Recreated from memory by Jim Frost (with modifications) I knew it was going to be one of those days from the moment I woke up. You see, my alarm clock was making an odd ringing noise instead of its normal soft music. What I didn't know was just how bad the day would be. I left my house for work at about 8:15am, which was about normal. I hopped into my rather antiquated VW Bug and putted along to work. The day went smoothly enough. I only thought about how much I hated my job for 6 hours instead of eight, since the first floor caught fire at about 3pm and we were evacuated, allowing me to go home two hours early. As I drove into my driveway, things began to get weird. My VW was parked where I always park it. The problem is, I was DRIVING my bug. I parked beside my VW and hopped out. My curiousity was at a dangerous level. I opened the door to the other vw, and climbed in. Why not? It's MY car, even if my car was parked beside it. But the dashboard was like a science fiction movie gone wild. There were knobs, dials, and other gadgets everywhere. Completely engrossed, I began looking around the car. Finally, I found a small booklet. I began to read it. Thank you for purchasing the VWT101 Time Beetle. You have made a fine choice. The VWT101 is cabable of both temporal and spatial displacement, using dihydrogen oxide for fuel. Spatial movement is accomplished using normal frictional methods. The methods used for temporal move- ment, however, have been significantly improved since the VW100 was introduced. Among the enhancements are .... >From there on in, it got too technical for me, and I skipped over to the section entitled "simple operating instructions". To undergo temporal movement, you should first fasten your seatbelt. Sure, everyone knows that. Bumpy stuff, time traveling. Then, set your intended temporal destination using the panel marked "temporal destination." I looked around. Yup, there it was. Right about where the radio should be. I wondered where the radio was, but never did find it. Temporal displacement is measured using the normal calendar, although this is not accurate for all time frames. When setting the day, the display will auto- matically skip those periods which cannot be reached (such as September 3 through 13, 1752). When the temporal destination has been set, start the VWT101 and push the button marked "displace." The time spent in travel is proportional to the length of the dis- placement, but should not last more than a few seconds for jumps of up to a million years. For additional information on temporal displacement, please see "Rules and Regulations on the Use of Temporal Vehicles", which may be obtained from any government office or licensing bureau. Fine. I now own a time machine. What in hell do I do with a time machine? My mind was buzzing. Of course! Go for a trip. I wondered how much fuel the thing had left, but finally gave up on trying to check, since the thing used water anyway and I could probably come up with more water if I needed it. Where should I go? How about to my own birthday, in the year 2050? Why not. So I set the thing to November 15, 2050, and sat back for a second before hitting the panic button. "HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" I nearly jumped clean out of my skin. I was looking at myself through the window. What's more, I was screaming at myself. This was too much. I snapped on the ignition (the thing used a key, and the key was still there), noted that it ran about as loudly as my normal car, and slammed it into reverse. "Come back here!" yelled the other me. He was now behind me, waving his arms and yelling frantically. Still shook up, I kept the thing floored for about two blocks. Finally slowing down, I remembered about the time travel part of this car. I hit the button. Nothing happened. Well, really lots of things happened, but the trip was wholly uneventful. No noise. No flashy lights. Nothing. Disappointing, after all the movies I'd seen. The scenery was much more interesting. In an instant, the road had been transformed into a parking lot. There were tall buildings all around me. Directly in front of me was a lot with a dirty sign, which read "used cars." I climbed out of my car and began looking around. The general state of things was disarray. There weren't a lot of people around, and they all ignored me. They weren't dressed particularly strangely, though this one girls had a suit with a hole.... Hmm. Have to go out with her someday. Unimpressed with the future, I hopped back in the car. I reset the temporal thingy to 5pm the day I had left, and hit the button. Things looked normal once again. I drove back to my house and pulled into the driveway. There were no cars here. Becoming distressed, I got out and began looking around. As I walked around the garage, I heard a car drive up. Not thinking anything of it, I kept looking around. Everything looked all right. I came around the garage and saw two VW's. Someone was in my VW! I ran up to the window and screamed, "HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Then I noticed that I was in the car. The me in the car looked very startled, quickly started the car, and took off down the street. I tried telling myself to stop the car, but it was no use. Upset, I turned around and saw myself. This was getting to be too much. "Are you me?" I asked. "Yes," I replied. "What is going on?" I asked. "I'm not quite sure myself," was my response. I was very confused at this point, and the world began to spin. Things went black. I woke up inside the garage. About an hour had passed. I opened the door and looked out. Two VW's were parked there. After looking inside, I figured out which one was the time travelling beetle. I climbed in again, drove around the corner, and sat for a minute to think. This all made no sense. Where did the car come from? Since no answers came to mind, I dropped the question. I was hungry now. Supper would have been at about 5:30. Suddenly, a bright idea hit me. I set the temporal displacement gauge for 5:30, and pushed the button. The I got out of the car and walked home. I have no I dea why I didn't drive home (or even why I drove around the corner in the first place). Walking up to the house, I saw two VW bugs. Someone was in one of them, and another person suddenly ran up to it and screamed something unintelligible. The vw started up, screeched out of the driveway, and screamed off down the street. The person who had been screaming at the car turned around as I cam up to him. He was me again. "Are you me?" he asked. "Yes," I replied to myself. "What is going on?" he asked. "I'm not quite sure myself," I replied. He went suddenly white and passed out. I dragged myself into the garage. Then I left, walking around the corner to where I'd left the car. I drove the car back, put it in the driveway next to the other car, and went inside to eat. I really was hungry. A little while later, I heard a car start up. Busy eating, I neglected to look outside. I didn't want to know if I'd be out there. When I got up the next morning, only my normal car was parked in the driveway. I guessed that it had all been a dream. I jumped into my car and drove off to work. But I had work off -- the building had been cordoned off. It seems there had been a fire.... %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% - Jim Frost * The Madd Hacker - UUCP: ..!harvard!bu-cs!bucsb!madd | ARPANET: madd@bucsb.bu.edu CSNET: madd%bucsb@bu-cs | BITNET: cscc71c@bostonu -------------------------------+---+------------------------------------ "Oh beer, oh beer." -- Me | [=(BEER) <- Bud the Beer (cheers!)