Instructions on using IRC -According to Cin Bring out the obnoxious potential in you, and battle it out with the Gods of trivial (And ever so depressing) argument. To know what you're up against, a brief description of what skills you need to acquire in order to be any threat in the Obnoxious World of IRC. Feign utter interest in being right and corrective about any, past, present or indeed, future topic of discussion. Only you are allowed to be right. Always remember, even if what someone else has stated is agreeable, there is always room for correction. Simply replying with a smiley face as such, “:),” clearly indicates that you are far more competent and aware than anyone else in the channel, and so ensuring the metaphorical mass of your penis is equal to that of your head. If you are bored and wish to mock someone, enter the #hack/hackers/hacking channels and ask of their excellent craftsmanship skills claiming you wish to fashion a piece of furniture out of your computer with an axe and are looking for instructions. Figure 1. Admirable sofa / Monior. / / \ / / .--. .' / .--. / ||||.--------.---------.|||| ___ |||| | |||| / | ||||=======-. .-========||||__/ | ||||_________.__________|||x | |||| |||x | |__|--------------------|__x_______| \ .' / '-. \ \ Wires, evidence of the construction using computer parts. Though, like most IRC beginners, you are just looking for a place to socialise, or for help. So if you manage to find a server with channels where users actually do converse, then it is better for your sense of well being as a human not to send any messages directly to the channel, or any place where other users can actually read and reply. In fact, it is better to view the server's channel list and titter at the amusing topic names. Steer clear of channels or points of interactivity. Unfortunately there is no intersecting category of attitude and character in-between the dull un-interesting half-wit conversation provided by Instant Messaging applications made as of late (MSN Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, Skype, Google Talk), and the old fashioned, yet, still ever so popular phenomenally despicable monstrosity that we know know as IRC. Unfortunately, your operating system is a direct mirror image of your penis size. In fact, I declare that the next major open source operating system's logo be so phallic that no one will notice. Because open source applications are allowed to get away with naming such as 'GIMP'; why shouldn't it be acceptable to symbolise your whole operating system network on the image of a penis? Because 95% of IRC users (And Linux operators) have heads that are close to reaching critical mass, which are suspended by their massive internet connections, enabling their contemptible patronising chatter to be transported around the planet only to disturb and hinder other internet users' prospects of living. Figure 2. .---. IRC user. .====@'.__ | __' __ __ .--. Me losing the '._ __o' | \_ _/ | x x | will to live. ,| |____|-----------|____| c > ,'.'\ /_\ /_\ \ \n_| / . . \ As Figure 2 clearly demonstrates, it is not a pleasurable experience. Quite clearly, I hate IRC. More specifically, the people who use it -but they stand for all that IRC is; A collective compilation of bitter detestable nerds. According to reliable sources (From IRC... Debatable), it used to be a lovely place of information transferral and adventurous programmers awing at the sheer braggable number of users on their server; 14. Times change. I'm sure there is some good in IRC. But why make this an unbiased article when I am obviously trying to persuade you to hate it?