Funeral by S. B. Douglass 1991 This work may be redistributed freely over USENET and connected networks. Ken was nervous as he stood at the back of the chapel. He'd been to other funerals, but this one would be different. The chapel wasn't full, but it was well filled as the soothing music ended and Bob Fuller walked up to the casket. "Ladies and gentlemen," Bob began, using the lid of the closed coffin as a lectern of sorts. The low murmur of conversation ceased. "Rick McCleary asked me to say a few words here, and so I'm speaking to you now. I knew Rick and Anne well, but not so well as I would have liked. As most of you know, Rick knew he was going to die more than a year ago, and many of you know that this last year has been harder on those of us who know Rick than it was on him. I don't know that I'd have the strength to take things in the calm way he did, and I'm sure I'm a better man for having known him. "Before he died, Rick made some very special requests of some of us, and as his minister, he consulted me on some of these re- quests. I'm afraid that some of his requests may shock some of you, I know they shocked me when the two of us first talked about this together. Anyway, after hesitating a long time, I agreed to go along with his wishes, and so, here I am. "Ken, Anne, would you and the other pallbearers come forward?" Ken walked to his place at the side of the coffin, opposite Anne. She smiled a thin smile at him, then took her place opposite him and next to the minister; the other pallbearers, two men and two women, all good friends of Ken and Anne, took their places by the sides of the coffin. "Normally," Bob Fuller said, addressing everyone. "Normally, I'd have objected to Rick's idea of playing a tape of him at his funeral. It's usually something egotistical and tacky, but this time, I agreed to do it because of his special wish. Here it is." Bob Fuller walked over to the side of the room and pushed a button on a tape player. As he came back to his place at the head of the coffin, Rick's recorded voice filled the room. Ken was a unnerved by the sound of Rick's voice. It wasn't the weak voice of a dying man he had heard the week before, but the strong healthy voice he'd almost forgotten. He guessed that the tape must have been made months ago. "Friends," Rick said, and then paused. "I suppose if you're listening to this, I must be dead. Sorry, I don't mean to sound so corny. Well, if everything goes as I planned, Al, Beth, Fred and Ellen should be around my coffin right now. I asked you four to serve as pallbearers for two reasons. First, you are my good friends, and second, you are all good friends of Ken and my wife Anne, who should be serving as the other two pallbearers. "Anne, my love of ten years, I suppose I've been a real pain this last year, and in a way, I'm glad for you that it's over at last. I know it's awfully unconventional to ask the widow at a funeral to serve as a pallbearer, but I'm glad you agreed to do it. I know enough about what you like to have felt awful about what I've denied you, and, well, to be blunt, if you've been unfaith- ful during my illness, thank you for being discrete, and I hope it was with Ken." Ken glanced nervously at Anne, wondering what had come over Rick to make him record such an odd tape and why Bob had decided to play it. "Ken," Rick went on. "I've known you longer than I've known Anne. Remember long ago, long before I got sick, we were joking about things, and you said that, if it hadn't been for me, you'd probably be going after Anne? In a way, that's what inspired this whole idea of mine. Some of you might call it a damned idea, and maybe it is." While Rick's recorded voice spoke, Ken wondered what he had in mind. He'd had some pretty weird talks with Rick after he got sick, and on at least two occasions, Rick had more than hinted that Anne and Ken should get together. Ken had agreed with him, to quiet him down, but he hadn't followed through and actually approached Anne. He really was in love with her, but at an honorable distance. Just the same, he was more than a bit un- nerved by Rick's open discussion of his interest in Anne. Rick continued. "I've spoken to many of you about my hopes for what would happen after I die, but I haven't told my entire plan to anyone, that is, anyone other than Reverend Fuller. He didn't like my idea at first, but if he's playing this tape for you, he must have agreed to it at last. I hope so, because I did my best to talk him into it. "Anyway, Anne, You also told me once that if it hadn't been for me, you thought Ken was as close to your dream man as they come. You know I don't like mourning, we've mourned together for more than a year, ever since I found out that my condition was termi- nal. Enough mourning! You know I didn't really want a funeral at all, I'm dead now, it doesn't do me any good. You folks who are still alive can remember me if you want, but don't be sad about it! Celebrate what I accomplished, if you wish, but spend your time looking forward to a fun future, and while you're here, make friends, renew acquaintances, and enjoy yourselves. "With that in mind, I've asked the Reverend to spend some of my money and book a place for dinner after you've planted my re- mains, but before you do that, I've got some business in mind." While Rick's voice paused, Ken realized that he was looking idly at Anne. He'd never known that Anne had any romantic interest in him after she married Rick, although she'd occasionally teased him and she'd always been a very open and friendly woman. As what Rick had said sunk in, Anne smiled weakly at Ken from across the casket, then looked down at her hands as if she might be a bit embarrassed. Rick thought that she looked pretty, dressed in a black dress that he at first thought looked very modest. The dress had long sleeves and a long hemline, and Anne wore the cowl neck of the dress up over her head. As Ken looked more closely, Ken realized that the dress clung revealingly to her slim figure, it was not merely pretty, it was sexy, and it was only the black color that made it discrete. "Ken," Rick's recorded voice continued. "Do you really want to marry Anne? If you do, and if she's interested, do it now! Right here. "Anne. Please don't mourn my passing. If you have anyone else you'd like to love, don't let my memory get in the way. If you think it would be fun to marry Ken right now, do it! I've asked the Reverend, and he's agreed to do it under one condition, that is, that I give both of you a way out if you don't like my idea." Rick's recorded voice paused again while Ken tried to deal with the shock of what he'd said. Ken had never thought of himself as a very proper person, but his sense of propriety was offended by the idea of getting married to the widow at a funeral. Even so, as he looked up at Anne's shocked face, he felt tempted to do it. "Here it is, and these are the last words I've recorded. I've asked the organist to play a meditative interlude when this tape ends, and I invite you two to whisper over the casket, consulting with the Reverend if you want. When the interlude's over, you're free to get married if you want, or free to go home single. "You know how I'd like this to turn out, but let me say one more thing. Don't worry about satisfying me, I'm dead. Satisfy yourselves. That goes for all of you who are here for my funer- al! Bye folks!" The recording ended, and as promised, the organist began to play something that was quiet enough to allow whispered conversation and loud enough to mask the sound of such a conversation from anyone else who might try to listen in. "This is the craziest darned thing I've ever heard of," Ken whispered. "You're not kidding," Anne whispered in reply. She paused and then went on. "It's just like Rick, though, you know that?" Ken looked down at his fingers on the lid of the coffin. "Right. So what should we do?" "Do we have any choice?" she asked. "I guess it depends," he whispered. "On what?" "On us. When Rick first suggested that I start courting you behind his back, I was offended by the idea, it just seemed so wrong." "I know what you mean," she whispered as the music continued. "Rick told me I should be flirting with you. I guess I took it as a kind of joke at the time, but..." Ken paused to let her continue, but when she didn't, he did. "But what? The truth is, I didn't follow up then, but in a few months, after things settle down, after you've had a decent time to get over Rick, I was thinking of calling on you." She smiled quietly and reached over to put her hand on his. "I was only going to wait a few weeks before I called you." "OK," Ken whispered, smiling faintly. "But I don't like being manipulated like this. I liked Rick a lot, but in a way, I resent what he's suggesting." "Me too," she said, "but is it really manipulation when someone tells you to do something you already want to do?" She broke off, as if startled by what she'd just said, and it took a long moment for Ken to realize her full meaning. He looked at her as her smile broadened, and then she leaned forward to whisper. "Want to do it?" Ken looked at the mischievous twinkle in her eye, stunned, and then smiled as he realized that it would be a fitting memorial to Rick. "OK." She motioned to Bob Fuller and whispered something in his ear, and judging by his expression, he asked her a question, to which she replied at length, glancing at Ken as she spoke. Bob looked up at Ken and smiled, then leaned his way. "You really want to go through with it?" "Yes," Ken whispered. "OK," Bob Fuller said, and then stood up straight at the head of the casket and looked meditatively down at his hands while the soft music continued. Ken tried to do the same, but he couldn't keep his eyes off Anne, and when he looked at her, he saw that her eyes were on him and that she had a faint smile on her lips. As the music came to an end, Bob Fuller stood straight. "Well folks, we've all agreed, so this will be more than just a funer- al. Anne Smith McCleary, I've had long talks with you while your husband was ill, and I know that you know Kenneth Anderson quite well and you've known him for a long time. Do you take Ken to be your lawful wedded husband?" "I do," she said, faintly but clearly. "Kenneth Anderson, do you take Anne McCleary to be your lawful wedded wife?" "I do," he said, shaking his head with wonder. "Then I pronounce you man and wife," Bob Fuller said. "Rick asked me to make a specific request at this point. He asked me to ask that you two kiss each other over his dead body, to be quite literal." There was a nervous chuckle from more than one person in the chapel as Ken reached across the coffin to Anne and took her hand, and then leaned over to kiss her. "Anne," Bob Fuller said, after they'd kissed. "Ken. I've known the two of you for some years now, and I've known you were close friends. Ken, you were Rick's roommate when he was courting Anne, but if Rick hadn't set this up, I'd never have imagined things working out like this. Social convention would have you two waiting a good six months after the funeral, but you know what? I figured that you two would marry then, and I think Rick really is right, it's better that you two should comfort each other. My blessings go with you." The organist started playing a march as the pallbearers picked up the coffin, but it wasn't a funeral march, it was a wedding march, slow and dignified, but full of joy. ---- "Sorry about the mess," Ken said, opening the door to his apart- ment. "You should see my mess," Anne said. "I don't really look for- ward to going through all of Rick's stuff, that's one reason I said we should come to your place." Ken paused after he shut the door. Somehow, his thoughts all afternoon had been dominated by the excitement of sharing some- thing daring with Anne, and her mention of Rick's stuff was shattering. "Anne," he said, and then hesitated. "Anne, what can I do to help?" She walked silently into the middle of his living room and looked around briefly before turning to face him with a sigh. "Tomorrow you can help me go over Rick's stuff, separating the trash from the keepsakes from the rest." Her expression clouded briefly. "I guess the rest goes to Goodwill or the crisis center." She paused, looking at Ken, then grinned. "Third, make that the day after tomorrow or later! These last few weeks have been hell, and I need to totally wrap myself up in something else for a while. Help me do that, will you?" Ken wasn't entirely sure he was ready to face what she had in mind as he took her long coat and hung it in the closet by the door. When he looked back at her, he almost did a double take. She'd changed the way she wore her dress again. At the funeral service she'd worn the cowl of her long black dress up over her head, looking properly like a modest if slim and beautiful widow. At the dinner party Rick had set up for after the burial, she'd worn the cowl down around her neck, but now, she'd pulled it down off her shoulders so the cowl formed a tight band around her upper arms and over her breasts. She smiled at his attention and posed. "Like this?" "Yes, that's quite a dress." She grinned. "Would you believe Rick bought it for me six months ago? He got it specifically for the funeral!" Ken shook his head and then chuckled. "So he did it to you too? This is the suit he told me to wear!" "I like it," she said, and then hugged him. Ken enjoyed her hug and returned it warmly, enjoying the soft inviting texture of her dress under his hands and the warmth of her skin under it. As he swept his hands slowly down her back, he grew uncomfortably aware of her. Her hips were pressed against his, and as his hand swept from her back to her hip, he could feel nothing to hint that she wore anything under the dress. "What a day!" Ken said, breaking the hug and sitting on the couch. "Is something wrong?" Anne asked, sitting next to him. "I don't know," he said, putting his arm around Anne's shoulder more because the way she sat demanded it than because he felt comfortable doing it. "It's been a long day, and I'm, well, I'm not really prepared for the way it turned out." She laughed gently. "I certainly never expected to get married at my husband's funeral, but I'm glad I did. Come on, it's not that late in the evening, and although we've known each other for a decade, we've got a bit of work to do getting to know each other." Ken blushed. "I thought you might want to be alone. Are you sure you want..." "Ken," she said, leaning her head against his shoulder and speak- ing in a soft, sad voice. "I've been alone and lonely too much these last few months, what with Rick in the hospital and all. Every night I slept alone, I had to face the fact that my husband was dying, and towards the end, it was awfully hard on me each time I visited him." "He was my friend too," Ken said, remembering how Rick had changed towards the end of his hospice stay. "So what do you want to do with the rest of our evening." "For now, just hold me like you are, make me feel secure." Her head was resting against his shoulder, with his arm around her and his hand resting gently on her hip. As she nestled against him, she reached out with her free hand and held his free hand to her stomach, stroking his wrist with her fingers. "You know," she said, "sometimes, when Rick and I had a disagree- ment, I used to wonder how things would have worked out if I'd married you instead of him. Sometimes, I'd fantasize about having an affair with you, or making love to you. How about you?" Ken was slowly relaxing under her touch, letting his hand rest against the warmth of her stomach as she stroked his wrist. "I don't know, I guess I suppressed those kinds of thoughts, I didn't want to hurt my best friends by threatening their mar- riage." "But you had thoughts to suppress." "Yes, you're very desirable, you know. I guess I always hoped I'd find another girl who was as bright and pretty as you, but nobody ever came close." Her hand on his wrist gently urged him to shift his hand upward, and now he found his thumb occasionally brushing the bottom of her soft breast. "I like the way you're holding me," she said, in a quiet voice. "Do you mind if I ask you how much experience you've had with other girls? I mean, you introduced Rick and me to a few of the girls you dated, but you never seemed to stay with any of them for long." "Do you mean, am I still a virgin?" he asked, tensing up. "No, I just wondered why you never found anyone. No, that's not really right, I guess I wanted to balance things. I mean, Rick's name keeps coming up, and I thought that was unfair to you." She was sounding flustered. "Oh hell, I guess I also wondered about your sex life. Hold me!" She pulled his hand up to her breast and held it there with her hand while she continued to nestle her head against his shoulder. He could feel her hard nipple through the tight band of her turned down cowl, and the tip of his thumb rested against the exposed flesh of her chest above her dress. He slid his other hand up to cup her other breast before he went on. "All right," he said, and then paused. The last time the topic had come up between the two of them must have been back when they'd dated each other, more than a decade ago. Ken had been a virgin then, and so had Anne. "No, I've had sex with a couple of the girls I've dated; should I name names? Oh hell, I've got to live with you now, remember Karen? We slept together on and off for a couple of years." "Was she good?" Anne asked, gently stroking his wrist as he cupped her breasts in his hands. "Good? I liked her, I liked sex with her, we had lots of fun, but..." He paused, wondering how to go on as he gently began to fondle Anne's breast. "I guess she wanted lots of independence, and I gave it to her. We never even mentioned marriage." Anne sighed comfortably as he gently slid his hand over her breast, and he wondered if she wanted him to slip his hand under her dress. The way she'd folded her cowl down was inviting, and he wondered how it would feel to slide his hand over her bare breast and hard nipple. He slid his hand up and gently ran a finger along the rolled top edge of her dress, letting it trail under the edge a fraction of an inch. She patted his hand with hers, then pulled at the fabric of her dress, opening an inviting gap between fabric and flesh. He slid his hands down over the rounded flesh of her breasts, feeling her nipples between his fingers as he cradled her soft small breasts under the tight band of her turned down cowl. "So how do you like sex," she asked, speaking softly as she held his hands to her breasts. "I like it," he said, sliding one hand down to her stomach be- neath the elastic fabric. "How do you mean?" "What do you like doing?" "Kissing, hugging, touching, intercourse, it's all fun..." He was comfortably aware of the building pressure in his penis. "I guess we didn't really try very many ways of doing it. Karen and I didn't talk about sex much, we just did it. Cindy, well, she liked talking about sex, but we didn't stay together very long." "Then maybe..." Anne said, and then paused. Without warning, she eased his hands out from under her dress and got up from the couch. She turned to face him, and then spoke in a low uncertain voice. "Let me undress you, OK?" "OK," Ken said, excited by the prospect of being undressed by the woman he'd loved at a distance for so long, but frustrated that she'd pulled away from his hands. "Rick and I tried everything in the book," she said, undoing his tie. "You know the kind of man he was, always wanting to try things. Well, that applied to sex and we tried quite a bit. Just about all of it was worth the effort, and I think, right now, I'd like to surprise you." Anne undid his shirt, kissing his chest and sucking on his nip- ples as she exposed them. He'd never really paid attention to the sexual possibilities of his own nipples before, and he was surprised to find himself reacting to her attention. His hands were on her shoulders, and again, he slid his hands down under the elastic fabric of her dress, sliding his fingers over her muscular back and down to the sides of her breasts. He cooperated passively as she pulled his shirt off and set it aside, but then he realized that it would be fun to take a turn undressing her. "Can I take your dress off?" he asked. "OK," she said, standing in front of him." "How does it come off?" "Pull down." He sat up and reached tentatively forward to hold Anne's thighs between his hands, then paused for a minute looking at her as she stood in front of him. She was a beautiful woman. He tentative- ly slid his hands up her hips to her waist and then up to the sides of her chest where he took the edge of her knit cowl in his hands. He tugged on the turned down cowl and pulled it down to expose her breasts. They were small but pretty, not big enough to sag, with large brown areolas surrounding her nipples. He let go of her dress to gently touch them, and then pulled the dress down farther so he could free her arms from the sleeves. "May I kiss you?" he asked, looking at her breasts. "You don't have to ask," she said. He sat forward and gently touched his lips to her nipple while he held her hips in his hands. She held his shoulders in her hands, gently pulling him to her, and after gently kissing her other nipple, he went back to the first, touching the velvet soft skin of her areola with his tongue as he savored the smell and taste of the woman he had known and loved from a distance for so long. As he kissed her, he ran his hands over the soft fabric of the dress that still covered her fanny. Again, he felt no hint of underwear through her dress and again he hesitated. Her nipples were hard between his lips, and he was content, for the moment, to concentrate his attention on them as she ran her hands through his hair and down the skin of his back. "You can slip my dress off, if you want," Anne said. Ken let go of Anne's nipple as he slid his hands up to the turned down top of her dress. He pushed down, letting his fingers slide over her smooth skin as she slid the elastic cloth down over her rounded bottom. "You're really not wearing anything under this dress?" he asked, admiring the smooth curve of her belly and the neatly trimmed patch of pubic hair between her legs. "Nope," she said, stepping out of the dress as it slid down around her ankles. "With dresses like this one, anything you wear under them shows. You know, panty lines, that kind of thing. I could have worn panty hose, I suppose, but with a long dress, it doesn't seem to serve any purpose." She paused. "Besides, Rick always liked it when I went without underwear; I hope you don't mind." Ken looked at her as she stood in front of him, admiring the clean lines of her body. "No, I don't mind. I never imagined..." He stopped, unsure what to say. She knelt in front of him as he sat on the couch. "Come on, let's get back to getting to know each other. Stand up so I can finish undressing you." He stood up and she took his hips in her hands and kissed his belly, just above the belt, then leaned back so she could see what she was doing as she undid the buckle. He was acutely aware of his erect penis, only inches from her face as she opened his belt and began to undo his pants. "You smell nice," she said, brushing her nose against the bulge in his shorts as she slid his pants down. "I do?" Ken said, surprised. "You do!" she said, smiling as she pulling his shorts down to free him. "I always liked the smell and taste of Rick. Come on, sit down and relax." ---- "Good morning," she said, and Ken was disoriented for a moment. He opened his eyes and yawned while he tried to focus. Anne was sitting up on the bed beside him, resting her hand lightly on his chest and looking at him with a faint but pleasant smile on her face. "Good morning," he said, remembering the events of the day be- fore. Between the funeral that had turned into his wedding and Anne's interest in oral sex, he was surprised that he'd apparent- ly managed to get a sound night's sleep. She leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss. "Want to play around a bit before breakfast?" The idea was tempting, but Ken wasn't sure he was ready. "No, I've got to piss, then let's get dressed and eat." "Don't get dressed," Anne said as Ken sat up in bed. "I've been thinking about this since I woke up. We've got to get used to each other's bodies, and what better way to do that is there than to spend the day nude with each other?" "Nude isn't always romantic," Ken said. "No, but so what? The point is to get over being shy with each other." Ken chuckled. "If that's what you want, you should ask to watch me while I piss." "OK," she said, surprising him. "Rick and I always kept the bathroom a private place, but..." "I didn't mean to seriously suggest..." he protested. "I don't care if you meant it," she said. "It's a good idea. Come on, go pee, I'll watch." Ken got out of bed and went to the bathroom, with Anne following close behind. He felt awkward as he lifted the toilet lid and began to piss, but she broke the ice with a nervous giggle. "You know something? I always knew men pissed standing up, but I've never seen it done. Do you ever miss the toilet?" "I've had plenty of practice," he said, shaking the last drop off his penis and flushing the toilet. "I suppose so," she said, sitting down. "Still, it seems odd. Want to split a shower with me before we eat?" "Sure," he said, noticing the warm musky smell as she pissed. The smell was very familiar, but it was a while before he could remember why. It was a smell he remembered from his childhood, the smell of his bathroom after his mother had used it. Five minutes later, they were in the shower together. After they were both wet, Anne turned off the water and then handed Ken the soap. He lathered up his hands and then began soaping her wet skin, starting at the neck and working his way down. Sliding his wet hands over her soft breasts was fun, and by the time he was soaping her fanny, he had a mild erection. "Don't be shy about my crotch," she said, gently resting her hands on his shoulders as he knelt in the tub in front of her. He realized he'd been avoiding sliding his soapy hands into her crotch, and even with her urging, he hesitated for a moment longer. Finally, he slid his hand up between her legs and cupped her pubic bone, working soap into her pubic hair before he slid his hand back to clean her soft lips and farther back between her cheeks. "Did you and Rick do this often?" Ken asked, tentatively explor- ing the warm cleft between her lips. "That feels nice," she said with a sigh. "No, it's fun, but most tubs and showers aren't really built for two." He didn't linger long with his fingers inside her, she was right that the tub wasn't a very convenient place for such play, and kneeling in front of her on the hard tub began to hurt his knees. Even so, he was very erect as he finished soaping her legs down to her feet and then stood up to let her soap him. He expected her to soap him as he'd soaped her, using her hands, but she surprised him, using her soapy body to do the job. She hugged him tightly in her soapy arms, sliding her body against his, and only when she'd covered half of his body with soap that way did she let go and use her hands. After they'd rinsed and dried each other off, Ken hugged Anne, kissing her as he enjoyed the pressure of her breasts against his chest and the feel of her pubic hair against his still-erect penis. She ran her fingers over his back while his hands rested on the rounded mounds of her fanny. After a long deep kiss on the mouth, Ken began gently kissing Anne's cheeks and earlobes. His lips tingled slightly with his excitement as he touched her smooth skin and gently nibbled on her earlobes, and each gentle kiss Anne planted on his shoulder seemed to stick there long after she'd moved on to other places. "Let's go back to bed," she whispered, between kisses. He turned, holding her tightly as they walked back to the bed- room. Ken pulled down the covers with one hand and sat on the edge of the bed, still holding Anne's waist. Her left breast was there, so he kissed it as she began to sit, and followed her down, never letting go with his mouth as she spread herself out on the bed.