Critics! Tim Holland and Sheila Graves checked into the Golden Swan Motel at around 9:45 PM. The motel was one of the many establishments clustered around Disneyland. The rooms were pretty clean, and the price ($30 for the night) was just right for the two high school students who, after enjoying the thrills and joys of Walt Disney's creation, were ready to take in the even greater sights and pleasures of each other's bodies. A very horny Tim, with one arm around Sheila's sexy waist, unlocked the door to the room, and they entered. Then they immediately dove for the bed. Tim and Sheila did not know that they were going to be making love on live television that night. "And now, stay tuned for 'In The Bedroom', NEXT ON FOX 11!" I got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to replenish my snack supply as the commercials came on, and returned just as the show's opening title screen and theme music came in on the tube. According to A.C. Nielsen, roughly forty million viewers would be tuning in to their local Fox channels right about now. "Hi, I'm Gene Siskel, of the Chicago Sun-Times!" Gene said with a big smile. Then the face of his partner appeared. "And I'm Roger Ebert, of the Chicago Tribune! Tonight we have placed our hidden mini-camera inside a cheap motel room somewhere in Anaheim, California. We'll be reviewing the lovemaking of Tim Holland and Sheila Graves as it happens LIVE." Gene's face reappeared on the screen. "Tim and Sheila are your typical 1990's American high school students. For that reason alone, I am skeptical of these two turning in a good performance. Sex as enjoyed by today's teens tends toward the rapid-fire -- BAM BAM BAM!" Gene punctuated his BAM's by rapidly chopping the air with one hand. "There's no foreplay! Nothing to set the mood..." The camera panned to Roger as he interjected, "Gene, once again you are jumping to a conclusion before viewing the act! Let's switch to the live scene from the motel room and see how our two lovebirds are doing." I had to agree with him. Let's get on with it! The camera pulled back so that both reviewers were visible. Above them was a large grey screen. It remained blank for a few seconds as Roger and Gene turned toward it, then the transmission from the hidden minicam appeared on it, bright and clear despite the dim light in the motel room. The young couple were lying on the bed, still fully clothed, locked in a tight embrace and kissing with youthful vigor. I could see the swell of the girl's full breasts underneath her sweater, and I began to get a hard-on. Roger turned from the screen to look at Gene and spoke first. "See? I think that your 'BAM BAM BAM' theory is probably already shot. They are NOT racing through this, they are NOT..." Roger leaned forward and waved his hands in circles in accompaniment with each NOT. "...rushing past the foreplay, they are exhibiting an excellent and healthy attitude toward sex." Gene chuckled and shook his head. "I think it is YOU who are jumping to a quick conclusion here. It is to early to deci-- See? Look!" He indicated the screen, which showed Tim and Sheila lustily and quickly removing each other's clothes. Her sexy body and yummy boobs appeared, and my cock stiffened about 600 percent. Oooooh! This was gonna be good, I thought, no matter what Siskel and Ebert concluded! The teens were now rolling about on the bed, Tim's face buried in Sheila's chest and his hands feeling all over her body. Gene had his chin in his hands and a rather glum look on his face. "This is another thing I don't like. This preoccupation with breasts!" As if on cue, the minicam zoomed in on those luscious globes, with Tim's lips and tongue sliding all over them and feasting on them. "This shows a marked lack of maturity..." Roger's sharp laugh cut him off, and he gesticulated wildly as he spoke. "I cannot believe your negative attitude toward what we are seeing here! Tim's desire to suck on and play with Sheila's breasts indicates a healthy sexual desire and, in my opinion, reflects positively on his character and personality." Yay Roger! My cock stood and saluted his brilliant insight. Anybody pro- boob is an o.k. guy in my book! On the screen, Tim's hands slid up and down Sheila's sides, then slid up to her breasts and piled them up into a hill of wonderful titflesh, pressing the hard nipples together. His mouth alighted on them and began to suck and tickle. Now Gene was covering one whole side of his face with his hand and shaking it back and forth slowly. Roger's gaze, on the other hand, was locked on the screen, obviously enjoying the action. The minicam's microphone picked up and transmitted Sheila's moans and aaaaahs as Tim continued to feast on her. Then, keeping his hands on her boobs, his tongue and lips began to slide down her belly. The tongue stopped at her naval and dipped inside to tickle it, then continued its journey downward. Gene looked up. "Ah! Now we're getting somewhere!" It was Roger's turn to chuckle and shake his head. Tim's lips found their target, as Sheila's whole body shuddered with the powerful new sensation. Gene picked up on that. "That was a good, realistic, BELIEVABLE response to his actions. Now this performance is becoming interesting and worth the viewer's time!" Gene, you're nuts! I thought. It's been worth it all along! Roger, Gene, and I all stared at the screen as Tim's tongue teased and tickled Sheila's pussy, dancing around it and across it. Gene raised his hand and made the "o.k." sign, and said, "Now Tim is displaying an exceptional oral performance. Notice how he teases and feints with his tongue, making her think he's about to plunge into her, then he darts away and teases some more. An exquisite display of patience, and an acute awareness of his girlfriend's sexual needs and desires!" Roger raised his hands, palms up. "O.k., I agree with you there. It is a good performance. I do think that he should not delay the inevitable too much longer though." Tim agreed. His tongue suddenly and swiftly dove into her hot vagina, and her body gave an even greater shudder. The minicam zoomed in on the action as his lips continued to tease her pussy lips every time his tongue dove deep. His teeth got in on the action too, raking against the top of her pussy. The minicam pulled back to show the whole scene, with Shiela moaning and licking her lips furiously and kneading her breasts with her hands and rubbing and tweaking her nipples. Ooooh was I getting horny! The reviewers must have been pretty horny too, but their professional demeanors hid that fact. "Tim is showing exceptional patience," Gene stated, "and an apparent willingness to satisfy the Sheila's sexual desires before satisfying his own." "I wouldn't be so sure of that," countered Roger. "A strong, experienced tongue such as his is bringing him as much pleasure as she is receiving! It is clearly mutual and simultaneous satisfac- tion. Certainly a good performance." I had concluded that long ago. Tim withdrew his tongue from her channel, lay down beside her, and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and sat up as he lay down on his back. She positioned her vagina above his big throbbing cock, and slowly sat down on his crotch as she guided his love muscle inside her. Gene was nodding and smiling. "An excellent performance there too. Wish I could do as well!" Roger nodded his reluctant agreement. "Yes, I'd put this as one of the best acts of lovemaking we have seen in recent months. The power and tension absolutely ripples from this couple like heat off a desert pavement!" Tim's hands were clasped on Sheila's hips as he drove his cock in and out of her. Her body was undulating and writhing, her breasts swaying back and forth. I had to resist going to the TV set and put my hands up on the screen where that luscious body and those beautiful jiggling jugs were! Tim's hands climbed up her body and fondled them as his dick rammed into her. Gene and Roger seemed to have been rendered speechless as Tim's hips moved quicker and quicker, and Sheila grabbed his hands and pressed them even harder into her boobs. Then her body gave a mighty heave as Tim came inside her, sending her to orgasm at the same time. Wow!! They both panted and sighed for a moment, then Sheila lay down on top of her boyfriend. What a sight! The two reviewers broke into applause. "Bravo!" shouted Gene. "A very good performance! It started slow for me, but after the too-quick session of foreplay, followed by a needlessly long display of his affection for her tits, he showed an amazing ability to satisfy her lusty desires and his too. I give it a thumbs up!" Roger seemed even more excited about what they had seen. "Well I liked it even more than you! I found the whole act from start to finish to be full of incredible sexual tension and release. A beautiful performance by these two very talented young people, from whom I'd expect great things in the future. One thumb up for me!" The camera zoomed to Gene's face as he delivered the "halftime" wrapup before the commercial. "So that's it for our first of the two sexual performances to be shown to- night. Two thumbs up for a fine, exhilarating session of lovemaking. When we come back, we'll be taking you next to a candid view inside the bedroom of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, and we'll try to answer the oft asked question: do successful bodybuilders really make better lovers? Don't go away!" But I had already gone away -- to my bedroom, with the image of Tim and Sheila still fresh in my mind. It was not going to slip away any time soon. In their room at the Golden Swan Motel, the young couple, unaware of their newfound fame, lay in each other's arms, soaking up each other's body heat and kissing the night away. --- Robert E.Epps.