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ФФФФФФФФФ>ФФФФФФФФФ>ФФФФФФФФФ>Chop Here>ФФФФФФФФФ>ФФФФФФФФФ>ФФФФФФФФФ>ФФФФФФФФФ IT ALL BEGINS WITH ATTITUDE from the seminar BREAKING THROUGH LIFE'S BOUNDARIES by Pat Spithill Seminar Leader * Author * Keynote Speaker (C) Copyright, 1989, Pat Spithill P.O. Box 505 * Hutchins, Texas 75141 214-225-8051 This material may not be reproduced or altered without written permission of the author and copyright holder. The Importance of Attitude The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines the word "attitude" as "a mental position or feeling with regard to an object." The mental positions or feelings are our thoughts, beliefs and opinions. The object is life. In other words, attitudes encompass all of the thoughts, beliefs and opinions which people have about their lives. Over 2500 years ago, Buddha said, "All that we are is the result of what we have thought; it is founded on our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him." Buddha also said, "It is a man's own mind - not his enemy or his foe that lures him into evil ways." A person's attitude, what Buddha was speaking of, is the very foundation on which his or her life's experience has been, is, and will be built. Every part of reality is the result of a person's attitudes. In simple terms, our attitudes reflect what we expect from life. This shouldn't be confused with what we want, dream or hope for. No one wants to be unhappy, lead a boring life or look back over the years with remorse and regret. Yet, so often rather than expecting the best life has to offer, people expect much the opposite. They expect problems and get problems; expect disappointments and are disappointed; expect to fail and then, rather than experience the desired success, they fail. If attitudes are the mental expectations about jobs, relationships, financial status and so on, then these very powerful thoughts must be the elements which set the course for our lives and destiny. It isn't life's circumstances which create the attitudes; it's the attitudes which create life's circumstances. When people change their expectations and attitudes, then their lives must surely change as well. I know a gentleman who, in the late 1960's, worked as a repossessor of logging trucks. If you will, create a mental image of a person who walks up to burly truck drivers and says, "I have to either have a payment or the keys, whichever you want." I would picture someone about 6'3" and 220 pounds of solid muscle. As it happens, Jim Cathcart is 5'9", rather slender and not the muscular type. People who repossess cars, foreclose homes, or work for collection agencies tend to be negative thinkers. However, one day Jim heard a radio program with a message about the power of positive expectations. He changed his attitudes and began planning for and expecting an exciting success filled future. Today, Jim Cathcart is an internationally recognized leader in the field of sales and management seminars and consulting. Jim has written eight books, is the co-author of Relationship Strategies, an all time top selling audio cassette program from Nightingale-Conant, and is one of the highest paid professionals in his business. And all because he expected to succeed, he expected the best life could provide. This article about building the foundation for your life on the concrete blocks of a positive attitude will cover four things: the source of attitudes; the difference between directive attitudes and reactive attitudes, how the word HALT can help you maintain and strengthen positive attitudes, and specific skills and techniques for building expectations for a wonderful and exciting life. Attitudes - Directive or Reactive Most people fail to ever consciously take control of their lives, living at the mercy of the prevailing winds of fate. Their attitudes are reactive in nature rather than directive. These people constantly respond to changing conditions rather than creating situations which suit their purposes. If you were to lose your job today, how would you react? What emotions would you feel? Would you be angry, incensed, hurt, disappointed? Would you go home, feel terrible and beat-up on yourself for hours on end? A little over a year ago, just before my wonderful wife Jan and I relocated to the Dallas area from Denver, the company for which she worked went through what can only be called disastrous changes. Over the course of four months, the firm laid- off 90% of its work force, approximately 85 people. Due to decreasing revenues, it was obvious to everyone employed by this company that these lay- offs were going to take place and that nearly everyone would be affected. The only question was, in which lay-off series would a person finally lose his or her job. Very few people bothered to prepare for what was about to happen: yet, they knew it was coming. Most were shocked, upset and completely taken by surprise. Of the 85 people, only two prepared and lined up new jobs in advance, staying only long enough to collect their severance checks and move onto a brighter future. Four people hung on until the very end then, immediately went out and found new opportunities. The vast majority, however, seemed to REACT in a pessimistic fashion; deciding to live off unemployment for a few weeks or months while displaying an attitude of "being laid-off has made my life terrible." The lay-offs were not terrible, they just were. The circumstances became terrible because these people believed the company controlled their professional lives. Rather than taking firm control of the situation, the overwhelming response was to do just that--respond and waste a considerable amount of energy complaining about the cards life had dealt them. For the select few, it was anything but terrible. One woman secured a direct marketing position with a large exporter in Hong Kong. Others went to work for various competitors or started their own companies. One person transferred to the head offices in Dallas. Jan was that person. The situation was identical for every person involved. The difference was found in how each dealt with the life change. The people who took control of the situation had directive attitudes. The people who believed they were at the mercy of this company had reactive attitudes. As long as people let external forces create their thinking for them, they will have little or no control over their lives. When we decide to take charge of our beliefs, we take charge of our lives. Whether a person calls it positive thinking, enthusiasm, or goal setting, it is nothing short of an "I will control my destiny and expect wonderful things from life" attitude. Thanks to Jan's expectations, she was transferred to the company headquarters with a substantial promotion. In four short years, she rose from a common word processor to head the firm's microcomputer systems network. Why? Because that is what she wanted and more important - expected. If you are ready to discover your own best attitudes, if you are ready to begin directing your life by taking command of your thinking, then here is the first action step to help you do just that. Begin to look at your present attitudes and beliefs about life. Do you believe that you can accomplish anything you truly desire? Or, do you believe that you are subject to outside influences? Using Worksheet No. 1, write down your beliefs about other people, co-workers, supervisors, and the significant people in your personal life. Consider and write down your feelings about success and your ability to succeed, your attitudes toward money, your health and physical well-being. In order to build a new attitude, it's essential to know what materials are currently in the foundation on which you will be building. ATTITUDES WORKSHEET NO. 1 In order for these ideas to work for you, it is necessary to be completely honest with yourself. The purpose of this worksheet is to help you determine where you are right now. Do your responses represent reactive or directive attitudes? 1. What do you believe regarding your own potential for personal achievement? For example, how much can you accomplish if you set your mind to it? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ 2. What are your beliefs concerning the influence of external forces? Do you believe that big business, the government or other people can hinder your progress? If so, to what extent? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ 3. Describe your general feelings about supervisors and co-workers. Do you believe they appreciate your efforts? Are they jealous of your abilities? Are you jealous of their abilities or positions? _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________ 4. Describe the feelings you have for the members of your family. How do you perceive your spouse? Do you see more faults now than before? How about your children? What do you see in them? Do you believe you gain more joy from your family or a sense of responsibility? ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 5. How do you feel about your job? Is it what you would choose if you could choose anything? When you are working, does it feel like toil or like play? ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 6. Do you believe you have the ability to change your life? Explain your answer. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 7. If you were faced with being laid-off, knowing well in advance that it was coming, what would you do? Would you direct or react to the circumstances in which you found yourself? ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ The Source of Attitudes A few nights ago, I watched two movies on cable television, THE NATURAL and MY FAIR LADY. For some reason, I found myself emotionally drawn into both of these movies and began to wonder what affected me so strongly. It was because the central characters, Roy Hobbs and Eliza Doolittle, expected to overcome what appeared to be impossible odds. For a short period of time and with only one chance left, a man in his mid-30's became what he was determined to become - the greatest baseball player in history. Eliza Doolittle overcame the limitations of her upbringing to rise from flower girl to courtesan. Why is it that so few people in this world have an attitude which says, "I can and will succeed - I am going to reach my goals." And, how is it that so few people ever expect anything from life other than a job, a family, and eventual retirement? The answer to both of these questions is that our attitudes are seldom our own. They are usually learned from our parents, teachers and peers who learned their attitudes from their parents, teachers and peers. We expect from life what we have learned to expect from life. There are also two ways in which attitudes can be developed rather than learned. The more common of these is to form expectations based on intense life changing situations. Perhaps the best example I can think of comes from my friend Dottie Walters. Some years ago Dottie found herself in need of a job in order to make ends meet. She began reading the classifieds and noticed that the local newspaper had a position open for an advertising sales representative. As Dottie couldn't afford a baby-sitter, she put her two daughters in their stroller and headed for the office of the newspaper. With daughters in tow and total determination in her heart, she walked into the editor's office and literally demanded the job even though she had no experience. The editor, not sharing Dottie's vision, did his best to dissuade her. Finally, but without admitting defeat, he said, "Fine, you can go out there and beat the streets if you want to. It's straight commission. When you don't sell anything, maybe then you'll give up on this crazy idea." With her two daughters still in the stroller, Dottie took the sales kit and started knocking on doors. The rest is history. Part of that history is that she sold more advertising for this newspaper than had ever been sold to date. From Dottie Walters' need was born determination, and from the determination - an attitude. The attitude was, "I can accomplish anything I set my mind to." Today, Dottie is a very successful business person, speaker, consultant and publisher. Unfortunately, it is just as easy to develop negative attitudes as it is to develop positive attitudes. Sometimes, when people get hurt through relationships, they cease to risk being vulnerable. They hold back in order to avoid being hurt again. Their attitude is that the risk is too great. People who have failed at a business or career might settle into something less satisfying but more "steady." People who have invested and lost money in the stock market may decide to play it safe with a savings account. Dottie took a risk because, in her own mind, she had nothing to lose. And she won. But sometimes, people lose and rather than lose again, quit the game. An expectation is developed of, "If I take risks, I am going to lose more than I can win." Unfortunately, these people fail to recognize that it is impossible to win the game if they're not in the game. The third method for developing an attitude or life expectation is to make the conscious decision to change how you think and feel. Once the decision has been made, it is impossible to ever go back. As Wayne Dyer, the author of the best selling book The Erroneous Zones, puts it, "It's like opening a door, walking through the door and having it slam shut behind you. There is no way back once you've walked through." Although, it takes time and effort to muster the necessary belief to make great changes; those changes begin with a decision. Every person who has ever read Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill, The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schwartz, The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale or any of numerous success building books has made a conscious decision to change his or her attitudes and expectations of life. Once the decision is made, there can be no going back to the old ways. When ignored, the desire for personal success and happiness becomes a small infection in the heart which continues to tear away at any spirit of failure little-by-little until a person can no longer stand to be one of masses. He or she must become unique, an inspiration unto herself or himself; seeking out and experiencing fulfillment and satisfaction in every area of life, for without these things - life loses its meaning. Return to the worksheet and write down how you acquired the attitudes represented in your responses. If these thoughts and feelings were learned from other people, write down the names of the people. If from experiences, outline the experience briefly. If from conscious choice, try to recall and summarize the events that prompted the change in attitude. What You Expect Is What You Get Recently I heard an acquaintance say, "Just when I didn't think things could get any worse, one more thing went wrong. I really didn't think anything else could happen." My observation would be that a great many things could still "go wrong." This person wasn't expecting anything different. He was content hoping nothing would happen. As he was not expecting changes for the better, his attitudes produced nothing but changes for the worse. Conversely, Jim Cathcart and Dottie Walters both decided to expect the best. Most of the attitudes which we have about life, relationships, careers and money have been with us for many years. In fact, thinking about changing attitudes and doing it are two very different things. The minute a person attempts to alter this mental and emotional foundation, he or she will experience what psychologists call "cognitive dissonance." When people believe certain conditions are "the way life is," to begin believing otherwise creates uncomfortable feelings. For most, the initial response is one of, "I can't. Life just doesn't work this way. People are where they are for a reason." In short, people begin to rationalize that changing attitudes and life is impossible or not meant to be. It is meant to be. You are meant to have everything which life has to offer. If you didn't believe that, you wouldn't be reading this. Once you believe you can improve self-esteem, you can. Once you believe you can control your money, you can. Once you believe you can reach your goals, you can. But without an "I can" attitude first, none of this is possible. As an analogy, in order to build the foundation of a house, it is necessary to have a design, the right tools and materials. Who is the architect of your new attitudes? You are, and it's time to design a life foundation to your unique specifications. All of us experience life in many different ways not just financially or in terms of a career. We experience physical health, relationships and families, mental development, and spiritual beliefs. Each of these things has an influence over how we perceive life. Worksheet No. 1 covered where you are now. Worksheet No. 2 will be your design for everyday from this point forward. Creating new attitudes can be likened to a high jump bar. For these new expectations to become part of you, it is important that the sights not initially be set too low or too high. It's important to believe in the new attitudes and to believe in their realization. This helps reduce the cognitive dissonance. Once strong expectations become a way of life, you can raise the bar again and again. ATTITUDES WORKSHEET NO. 2 As you answer each of the questions below, stop for a few moments and do your best to picture your thoughts. Make sure that you can see these conditions or situations as real. 1. Mental Development: A person can become educated in different ways, through reading books, taking correspondence courses, traditional college classes, listening to audio cassette tapes and so on. "I would feel as if I were knowledgeable if I knew the following things:" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 2. Spiritual Belief: What a person believes about the nature of the universe, God and religion is subjective. Above all else, it should be something in which you have faith. "I would believe myself to be a spiritual person if I. . ." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 3. Physical Health: Whenever people are concerned about their physical well- being, it is difficult to support positive attitudes in other areas. "I would believe I was healthy if. . ." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 4. Families and Relationships: "I would believe my family or relationships were nearly perfect if. . ." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 5. Career: Without thinking of a specific job title, concentrate on work related tasks which give you personal satisfaction. For me, some of the elements are communicating both in the written and vocal genres, using a computer in my work, sharing ideas for better living, marketing, and creativity. "The perfect work situation for me would include. . ." ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 6. Finances: This is perhaps the most difficult area in which to change an attitude. There are two distinct sides to this, the amount you earn and the amount you spend. And both sides must be represented in your attitude. "I believe I can earn $__________ per year/month/week. With those earnings, I could do the following:" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ You now have a blueprint for your new attitudes, and know what you would like to think and feel about life. Concrete and cement are the materials of a building's foundation, the material for turning these ideas into attitudes is the mind. The tools you use are up to you. To continue with the analogy of the building, to pour the cement, you could use a portable cement mixer, bring in a cement truck, or both. The truck to fill the forms; the portable mixer and wheelbarrow for detail work. The tools you use here will determine how fast and how well the job can be done. Use the tools which work best for you, as many as you can. And, if you think of techniques other than those suggested, then by all means adapt them. By the way, any poor expectations should start to fade as positive, optimistic attitudes begin to take shape and form. Ever since Think and Grow Rich was published, constructive self-talk (affirmation) and creative imagery (visualization) have been recommended for helping people to experience a new sense of possibility in themselves. Unfortunately, there are people and organizations who have made these exercises into more than mere tools for self-expression, personal growth and realization, as if they were magic wands for changing our lives and the lives of others. The truth is that creative imagery and constructive self-talk are nothing more than a statement like, "I can see myself. . ." When using creative imagery, people begin to deliberately design pictures of where they want life to take them, and then view those pictures at specific times when the mind is receptive. To use this method for building new attitudes, mentally picture sequences of events which support what you will gain from expecting the best. Perhaps you can see your family enjoying more quality time together by imagining various activities which everyone would enjoy. Maybe you can see co- workers acting in concert rather than as individuals, working together as a team. Possibly, you may see yourself with 10% more money than you've ever had before, with a new car, home, or furniture, taking a fun-filled vacation, or starting your own business. The next step to using creative imagery involves the right environment. Although many people recommend imaging first thing in the morning or right before falling asleep, I've found that anytime of day will work provided there are no interruptions. My preference is during working hours whenever I need a break or in the evenings while relaxing. The time is not as important as the setting. As well, by speaking pre-determined positive thoughts over and over, a person can make these powerful ideas a part of her or his everyday thinking. This is called constructive self-talk. The thoughts can be one or two sentences long or entire paragraphs. The choice is yours. The thoughts should say things which are relevant to your new attitudes. If you would like to improve the levels of communication at work, "I am able to communicate with everyone effectively," would be good. If you would like to improve your personal relationships, "I see __the person's name__ as I saw him/her when we were first dating and feel those same attractions again." If you would like to improve your health, "I am doing the things necessary to live a healthy and happy life." These three examples are brief statements which, when read twice each day, will begin to take hold in your mind, creating changes in your behavior. I recommend taping your self-talk statements to the bathroom mirror and reading them aloud as you're getting ready for work in the morning and again while preparing to retire at night. Two excellent books on creative imagery and constructive self-talk are, In The Mind's Eye by Arnold Lazarus, Ph.D. and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay. A third method for reinforcing positive expectations is by continually exposing yourself to positive ideas through audio cassette tape programs. There are numerous publishers of single audio cassette tapes and full length 6 to 18 tape programs: Nightingale-Conant, Sybervision, and many others. My personal choice is Nightingale-Conant. Their catalog is very extensive (over 100 titles) with a wide range of topics. The price of most 6-tape programs is $55. One way to get extra value from your investment is to form a group of three to five people. Each member of the group invests in a new program every two or three months. Then, share the programs with each other. A terrific group exercise is to talk about what you each learned from a program or cassette tape and how you can apply the ideas. This can be a great source of good ideas and practical feedback. In any event, the idea is to listen to something positive almost everyday for 30 to 60 minutes. A fourth way to build a more hopeful outlook on life is through "association". By associating with people who are doing what you want to do, you begin to develop new expectations from the attitudes of others. Become acquainted with people who are successful, who earn the kind of money you believe you can and should earn. As a member of Toastmasters International, I associate with people whose common goal is to develop the ability to speak in public. As a member of the National Speakers Association, I spend time with other professional speakers further developing my marketing and presentation skills. The use of this tool must be a two-way street. It's not just a matter of sitting and taking things in, we have to contribute as well. As is always the case, we can only get out of something what we put into something. The fifth tool is choosing a role model, a person you would like to emulate. Should you decide to use this particular method, select your role model with care and only after a great deal of consideration. Make very sure the person is someone you respect in many ways; a leader in his or her profession, a person of good character, someone respected and admired by others. In essence, it should be someone that you can look up to and say, "I would like to be just like. . ." This provides a very concrete picture of who you would like to become. The final tool. . . HALT! There are five things represented by the word HALT which can cause setbacks in building and maintaining positive expectations. The letters stand for the words: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Whenever a person becomes too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired, positive attitudes begin to deteriorate. The fifth thing is also represented by the "H". It is the word harassed. Remember that you can choose how to react to harassment and problems. It may be difficult but try to think through the situation rather than emotionalize about it. By thinking your way through it, the situation won't seem quite so overwhelming. In a later section, I will cover the skills of problem solving. The key is found in thinking through a problem rather than getting wrapped up in the feelings and emotional responses. For now, anytime you feel your new attitudes slipping, ask yourself, "Am I too hungry, too angry, too lonely, too tired or feeling harassed?" The answer more often than not will be yes. And for some reason, once you know the answer, things begin to return to normal. Breaking Through The Attitude Boundary The design is ready, the tools have been selected, and the material is in place. All that is left is the labor. Realize that building these new attitudes can take a few weeks or more depending on how high the sights are set, how well ingrained the current beliefs are, and how often you're willing to practice. The more you practice and ignore that little inner voice which says, "It's not going to work," the more quickly the changes will take place. To help you begin this amazing journey, here is one final worksheet. To use this action step, choose one new or different expectation for each area of your life, something you can begin to believe and feel right now, today. The intention is to provide you with a starting point, a tangible beginning. It's important for you to succeed at this. Be certain that these first choices are believable because this will form the first layer of concrete in your attitude foundation. ATTITUDES WORKSHEET NO. 3 Before completing the following sentences, think of one small change you could make in terms of your expectations in each area of your life. 1. Mental Development: One thing I would like to begin to learn to do is. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 2. Spiritual Belief: In terms of my spiritual life, I would like to experience more. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 3. Physical Health: To improve my physical well-being, I can. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 4. Families and Relationships: As a family or couple, one thing which would bring us closer together is: ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 5. Career: In my job, I can expect. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ 6. Finances: To feel as if I have more control over my finances, I will. . . ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ Here are some ideas for completing these sentences. Knowledge truly is power. Learning new things, however, should never be boring. When people want to learn something new, as opposed to being forced to learn something new, the learning process tends to feel more like play than work. Think of something which you would like to learn about or study over the next 30 days. It may involve nothing more than investing a little money and time in a book or audio cassette tape and studying the material for four weeks. At the end of that time, you will have learned something new. That is only the beginning. As mentioned, spiritual expression is a very personal thing. If you attend church regularly, one way to further develop yourself spiritually is to begin to apply the message in each Sunday's sermon directly to your experiences. Or, you might choose to read a book on various spiritual beliefs or philosophies, one section at a time, making notes about how the ideas can work for you. To improve your physical health, perhaps you could begin walking every other day or modify your diet. Or, you could begin to appreciate your body more by spending 15 seconds in front of the mirror saying, "I like how I look," (whether you believe it right now or not). You may find your health, weight, nearly everything responding in very positive ways. Families and relationships are an essential part of our lives. Taking a little time out of each week to be together as a family or couple, spending quality time with each other, helps generate positive feelings, healthy communication and enjoyable experiences. Perhaps you could take in a movie, go out to dinner, or get a baby-sitter and after a luxurious meal, stay overnight in a hotel. The possibilities are nearly endless. Most of all, begin to appreciate and be grateful for the significant people in your life. You can do this by remembering how you felt when you and your spouse were dating, how you felt the day your child was born, how you felt when your family attended your high school graduation or other significant moments in your life. All too often, a job becomes nothing more than a way to keep the bills paid. Yet, you must have had some reason for choosing that particular line of work. By focusing on the tasks you enjoy, and developing methods for further developing those tasks, a job can quickly become more of a career and less of a grind. If you would like to build a new career, then begin exploring the steps which lead to making a move in the right direction. A person can take charge of his or her money with some practical effort. A later section concentrates solely on finances. The key is a written-down budget. Without a budget, a financial plan, your money is controlling you. Once you know where the money is going and begin to decide where and how it will go, you take control of it. Building The Foundation Everything else in the Breaking Through Life's Boundaries program is based on "Attitude." Some of the other steps include Beliefs, The Three Selves (Self Image, Self Concept, Self Esteem), Personal Relationships, Solving Life's Problems, Personal Finances and much more. With an "I can change my life" attitude, it is possible to alter the belief system, improve self-esteem, or begin to solve the challenges which confront us. Our lives are very much like building a house. We were each given a lot, a piece of property, at birth. How well we take care of that lot (the physical, mental and emotional being) will affect the value of the property - our lives. Good landscaping, keeping the lawn watered and mowed, putting in colorful flower beds, green shrubs and trees all enhance the value of the property. Eating well, exercise and regular check-ups maintain the physical body. Filling our lives with people who love and support us maintains and strengthens us emotionally. Being selective about what we watch on TV, what we read, what we listen to, supports the mental self. These things have a great deal to do with the value of our lives. The strength and design of the foundation, attitudes, and expectations, may well determine how well and how long the house stands. Therefore, build your attitudes with ideas that support a successful and valuable life for the all the rest of your days.