It is us! Mindless Mayhem is released yet again! And this time with a daily dose of Vitamin K! Starring Great One in: Winter Wonderlands Mindless Mayhem issue number Twenty-Five! =============================================================================== Woe is me, I recently discovered that typing in alternating caps is common and accepted amongst the boards considered to be cool in the nation. I think soon I will stop calling out all together! And then NO ONE AT ALL will get access to my board! Just ME. It would be rather dull, as I can only reply to my own messages so many times, but at least I wouldn't have to read the really mutant people's messages... Recently, my pet Mega-Guppy popped out 30 kids. Then, not more than a month later, 20 more, and then, not more than a month later, 15 more. Mega-Guppy has no other guppies in with her, and I am starting to wonder just how she is getting herself knocked up. The gold fish can't be doing it. I'm not doing it, even if I tried the chromozones wouldn't be compatible, and I have taken all the babies out before they could breed or be eaten by the monster goldfish that resemble small cars in their size relation. Like you all care. Anyway, Here are a few ways to have fun during the winter. Some of this stuff requires some prior chemical know-how, some goodies you may have to buy, or just guts. ----------- Part One: Fun (the rest of the file is also a part one of one) A long time ago, I decided that small children were worthless and should be put to sleep. Unfortunately when I ran for congress, that idea did not carry over well with the voters and I didn't get to make it a law. However, here are some things you can do to at least have a fun time with them. 1: Go to Toys R Us. They are always there. Navigate your way to the area where they have the nintendos or whatever set up, (nintendos are what little kids play you know. Nintendo even admitted that their games are aimed at the younger audience, even the games for the super nintendo) and make sure the friends that you brought are there with you. You can: o Push them out of the line to play it and make them cry. o Drop stink bombs as we did and watch them all LEAVE (except for one little asian boy who HAD to play mario no matter what stench filled the area) o Follow them. They all know the Stranger Danger thing. And if they watch Barney (I cringe at the name) all the better, because they know to run and scream for help and carry on like idiots. And, if you were smart, you'd say you are making your way for the register with the rocket engines you picked up if you are stopped. Of course, you weren't originally going to PAY for those engines, were you? o Tell them that you know how they can get a game for free. Then make up some story that would sound logical to them. They believe in santa, so chances are they'll believe you too since there's something in it for them. For more fun about little kid toys, get the MM issue #5 about Bigwheel's O' Fun by Mr. Beeg. ----- Find a large sewer. There is one near my place of resisdence that looks like the entrance to the Eye of the Beholder dungeon, and is about as big, too. Getting into it was REAL bitch. The area around it was all bumpy because it was frozen mud with sleet covering it, so in otherwords it was very smooth but bumpy ice, very similar to marbles on a concrete floor. You can't walk on this without falling. We had a great time just trying to get INTO the thing (remember, it wasn't a manhole it was an ENTRANCE!) because we had to climb down a small cement wall as well and then go onto a 45 degree mound of dirt with the same problems as before, only it headed into a small stream if you fell... If you are lucky, some of the water in the sewer will be frozen enough to slide on. This may sound sort of stupid, but actually it's kind of fun. The only drawback with this sewer was the large amounts of rusting metal spikes sticking out of the walls. This made sliding at great speeds perilous to say the least, so we didnt do that. (On another note, the next summer we narrowly escaped the police when an old lady that lived in the nursing home nearby phone the cops when she saw a bunch of people head into the sewer. So we weren't careful about who saw us! It's only a sewer, and there were no signs that said no tresspassing...) Lucky for the cop the pipe bomb we had put in there hadn't gone off. If it DID, I think we'd still be running. ------- Fill those nitrous oxide cartridges with gunpowder (after you used the gas, stupid!)! They make excellent crater makers. And, in the snow, you can get it to fly in all directions. Just be careful not to actually watch the snow go, or you may get hit by shrapnel. The careful anarchist is the alive and well anarchist. Live to be chaotic again another day! There's no glory in brain damage! Those are also very nice in pipe launchers. I am currently attempting to figure out a way of how to make an effective "mortar" launcher. It would involve blasting the cartridge out of the pipe, and in the initial blast that would light the wick of the cartridge, which would eventually detonate somewhere in the sky (unless you aimed it at some window or something, where it would eventually detonate in the building) Take care that you aren't CAUGHT with something like that, as chances are you will be sited for having an illegal firearm, illegal use of a firearm, no FOID, Ammo discharge, and all that crap. At best, find a big field and practice. Finding the right amount of powder to use isn't hard , it's the COMPRESSION that's difficult. It's hard to compress it so that it pushes the cart out REALLY far and really fast. The best I can get it to go is twenty feet. Can anyone help me out here? You also would be wise to have a large supply of improvised gunpowder. Remember, our instructions for that DO indeed work! I understand that finding the chemicals for it is difficult at best, but if you find it make sure you STOCK UP BIG TIME or you may regret it! You can make snow glow by getting a very large mound and putting thermite on it (and igniting it) . It's not very creative, but glowing snow is not something one sees every day. --------------------- Speaking of useless children, here is something I clipped out of the paper: Boys accused of making bomb: BARRINGTON, IL -- a 12-year old boy was arrested (yes!) after he reportedly placed a homemade bomb of aerosol cans and matches on the front porch of his home on Hillside Avenue Thursday, police said. The bomb was diffused by an officer and did not injure anyone (the bomb or the officer?), reports indicated. The boy was released into his mother's custody. What a shining example of youth! Doing things out in the open to get caught! I have to wonder though, what exactly he was making. I only know how to shoot flame from aerosol cans (and I don't do that because I don't want to die horribly when the flame gets sucked into the can), and I don't see how he could make a bomb out of the multiple cans unless he sat there and heated them up while he waited to die from the soon-to-be resulting explosion. --------------------- Why do people suddenly become happy at Christmas time? I wish everyone was mean like they usually are, as it is difficult to bear all sorts of smiling happy people. Here is how you can help your community become more idealistic in their Not Liking Other People traits: o Find the latest kids toy in the store, and then proceed to place it somewhere else, you know, barbies with the transformers, vice versa, etc. o Remember those stink bombs? Visit the public bathrooms. o After you do that, find out where the crowd is the thickest and put them there, too. o Go to a video selling store and then mix the Playboy videos up with the Disney showcase. Do the same with heavy metal videos and classic music. o Many malls have a food area. Get in line and then read each menu, and then keep changing your mind when you go to make an order. Not only will this piss the cashier person off, the people behind you won't like it either. o Use stink bombs in the food area. Nothing beats the smell of pizza and ammoniumdisulfide! o Offer 'Valet' parking even if you don't work for the valet service, and either take it or park it somewhere really far away. o Bring some friends and just STAND somewhere and let people try to squirm past. This is usually effective on a staircase. Ok, so its all juvenile and such. But the worst charge you can get is disorderly conduct (assuming you don't attempt to valet park), so it's no real big deal. --------------------- For fun on your own or with friends, find a nice big ice covered or snow filled parking lot and go real fast and slam on the emergency brakes. Don't do this too often, as its not good for any part of the car! Donuts work well here too (spinning around real fast), as the car can spin wildly out of control. This is why you want a big parking lot that's empty! This is usually fun with a big car or a sports car. If police see you doing this, you won't like the consequences to your insurance rates. Pouring water over the gas cap is always a fun and educational thing to do to other cars. In winter, it gets cold, and therefore water will freeze. And the gas cap will effectively remain in place. Flat tires and Ice do not mix well. So flatten anyones' tires that you see fit to do so. I think this was in a different text file, but small furry animals in dryer ducts always smell nice when they die! If you can't do it, then maybe you can find a dead one to put in. Sometimes, people have fireplaces where the ashes are emptied out on the the outside of the fireplace. Insert your favorite exploding device under a pile of ashes. No one cleans the fireplace after every fire, and no one pokes through the ashes either. Try to use something relatively harmless, as you don't want to KILL the people, right? You would probably be best off getting lots of smoke grenades (smoke in the house is fun!) or jumping jacks, as they will bounce all around the fireplace and they won't know what it is. Buckets of water poured onto the front porch or around the tires of any car can result in hours of viewing enjoyment! No one likes to get hit with snowballs, and no one likes to get hit by ones that have a thin layer of snow surrounding a pound of ice. That water is really useful when it comes to mailboxes, too (assuming you haven't blown them up or batted them yet). Ice and nails don't mix with car tires, and such is an effective way to make that flat we mentioned earlier. Put a small furry animal on a patch of ice and watch it run in place! I guess you can get a hamster wheel for that too, but hey its winter. The moment the light turns green, make like an italian and press the horn down as hard as you can to get the people in front of you moving. Fast acceleration and poor road conditions are fun! Just dont accelerate right after they do! --------------- Matt isn't going to jail! I've you've read the past few issues, you'll know that he's not a well liked person (he's weird!). He pled mental instability and that he's thought of suicide and instead of going to the slammer he gets to see a court appointed therapist! I can think of many swears to use as adjectives for this guy, so I will let you think of some, too. --------------- How many people actually read this crap I put out, anyway? No one has sent me mail for a long time (to the post office box!). So someone send me that christmas music tape so I can go insane and get a big gun and shoot people repeatedly. Or something like that. Send anything! Info on electronic stuff! Info on what you'd like to read! Info on other text groups and boards! Info on your board so we can compile a list of text boards! Note: Only send it IF you want to be on a list! I for example would probably die if my board ended up on a BBS list, and I have died several times to prove it. Unauthorized advertising is a big No No! I want a new intro for the beginning. That circle with the A is sort of stupid. So, I have decided that THIS picture is far more cool, but I cannot take credit for it, I don't know who drew it! ммлллллллллллмм ммллллпп мм пллллмм мллллп мллллм пплллм мллллп лллллллл плллм млллп мллллппллллм плллм ллллп ллллп плллл пллм олллн мллллп пллллм лллм лллл ллллп плллл ллл л оллл мллллп плллл оллнмлп ммммммммммммллллммммммммммммммммммммммммммлп лпппмммппппмллллппппппппппппппммммппппппмммп млп ллл ллллп плллл ллл пп ллл мллллп пллллм ллл лллллллп плллл лллл пмпппп плллллллп плллм мммлллл пллллммм ммлллллпллллм пппллллллллллллпп плллл пппп A N A R C H Y F O R E V E R Well that was nice. I don't plan to use it, but it was neat anyway. Oh! And for you SysOps that wanted a special message to give to those leeching zitheads on your board, you can give them a display of either of the extra included files in this zip. They are simple, but display a basic message that shows that you really care! --------------- I haven't much more to say, but I'll follow tradition for once and say that drinking and driving isn't cool, but either of the two are if not mixed! --------------- Call Destiny Knights BBS at 708 307 3768 and say that you got it from an MM file. Make sure you state which one! I want to know whats being read out there. There is no new user password. Chances are you will be deleted, so apply anyway so I can enjoy deleting yet another person in my quest for mercilessness. All I can tell you is to keep up on your homework and don't type in alternating caps. You can also call the 3 Guys BBS, at 907 428 2530 and also say you got it from here! They are an offical MM circulation board. Not too many boards can say that on their opening screen! And and chances are, he doesn't have it on his. In fact, I don't even have it on mine! ---------------- Mindless Mayhem is published whenever by Crash Korrigan. Assistant writers are Hap Hazard and Ming the Merciless. Ok so I lied. They don't have anything to do with this. Feel free to write Melvin Woznikki (yes that's the name to use) at PO Box 958542 Hoffman Estates, IL 60195-8542 to relay your comments. And no, that's not my real name. My real name is Jack Enoff, and you can see why I don't tell anyone what it is! Ok so I lied about my real name, too. ---------------- We are always looking for something to write about. Usually this is a rather sporadic thing, and we don't like being spores. So help us out! Any information on anything related to this sorta stuff (sorry we haven't done much on hacking, but hey, I'm not going to do it in my house!) including pyros, anarchy, hacking, cracking, virii, whatever. -----EOF-------- See you on the other side!