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     $$     .d""b. .d""b.                  HOE E'ZINE #1064
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     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$ss$$              "Camp Chronicles, Vol. 1"
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$                        by, LatinMan
     $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$                      04/18/00
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     $$  $$ "TssT" "TssT"

	It's a little known fact that I have worked for a summer camp for
 the last 6 years.  My camp experience has shown me the joys and pains of
 having children.  It has also been a place for many firsts in my life.  I
 had my first kiss at camp, my first full frontal fondle, and of course I
 can't forget my first skinny co-ed strip twister experience.  Within my
 Camp Chronicle files I shall recount some of my adventures, just for the
 fuck of it.  This installment is entitled, "Camper Mishaps."
	Our first Camper Mishap was with a small child named George.  
 George wasn't exactly the smartest kid in my bunk.  He was the kind of
 child that had to be told to do something 8 times before he finally
 realized you were talking to him.  He quickly earned his nickname, "Space
 Cadet," when I found him laying on a rock, pointing up into the sky,
 chanting "I want to go home."  George was a special case, to say the
 least.
	On the final day of camp, the bunk was changing after swim, and
 little George decides to run around naked.  This was a usual occurrence
 with the youngest kids, so I just told him to hurry up and get dressed or
 we were going to leave him.  Rather then follow my order, he suddenly
 squats down and makes an eerie pushing sound, clenching his pale, white, 
 naked body.  The kids stared in awe, as a nice pile of dining hall leftovers
 formed under his squatting body.  George just smiled, as he picked up the
 brown form, and proceeded to chase the other kids around threatening to 
 "Hit you with my magic space rock."
	This was my second year as a counselor and I had no idea what to
 do, so I ran straight towards him.  He immediately threw his "space rock"
 at me, covering my forearm with it's magical clumps of goodness, my other
 arm grabbed him around his waste as I half carried, half dragged him up
 the hill towards the Director's cabin.  Needless to say the director was
 not happy to see a naked alien and his shit covered counselor, so after
 being told off for being an idiot, I took lil' Georgie over to the latrine
 so we could both relieve ourselves of the brown cosmic particles.
	Our next Camper Mishap would have to be the time when I decided I
 would get back at all the kids who gave me trouble during the summer.  
 Once again, it was during my first few years at camp that this happened.  
 I wasn't experienced enough to deal with the stress that working at a
 camp daily can give you.  Rather then completely freak out on the kids
 one day, I decided to play a couple of tricks on them, to get even with
 the shit they put me through daily.
	My first victim was Mohammed, who I nicknamed "Moho".  As the
 small devil laid in bed dreaming of the crime he would commit against his
 lovable counselor, I used one of the oldest tricks in the camp book.  I
 covered his hand with hand lotion and tickled his face, so that he would
 slowly cover his own face with the lotion.  This went on for longer then
 I would have suspected, so that when he finally woke up he was probably
 on his third coat of lotion.  He woke up with a gasp, as I just started
 cracking up as the layers of caked on lotion slowly chipped away from his
 face.  He, of course, looked really fucking pissed, and I just tried to
 act like the caring counselor.  He vowed vengeance, which mainly meant
 him taking a piss in my bag the next night... unfortunately he chose
 the wrong bag, and ended up hitting my co-counselor's.
	The next child on my hit list was little Jamie, nicknamed
 "Ashtray" because of his ever-ashey body.  The scheme I used on him was
 thought up with the help of my friend.  We sat on either side of him as he
 slept, positioning our flashlights inches above his closed eyes.  We
 started making quiet choo-choo sounds, slowly getting louder, making sure
 not to wake him yet.  We made louder sounds and turned on the flashlights
 at the same time screaming at the top of our lungs, "WATCH OUT FOR THE
 TRAIN!!!"  The poor kid jumped up, nearly hitting his head on the top
 bunk above him.  I once again played the good counselor and acted as if
 nothing happened, and tried to get him back to sleep, because it was 
 "just a terrible dream."
	To get back at the whole bunk at one time, I went on a day-long
 prank-a-thon.  Started off with going to one of the older kids and daring
 him to hold my weight on his head.  I Just told him to keep his head held
 straight, as I put some of my weight on his head.  As he strained, I let
 go an extremely wet fart.  Of course, he was extremely pissed, but could
 not stop laughing.  Later on the day I decided to have a race of who
 could put their whole body inside of their shirts first.  I Had them
 clench their knees to their chests, then put their legs and head inside
 of their shirts.  As they all struggled to do this, I went behind each
 one that was done and gave them a soft push so that their little balled
 up bodies quickly rolled down the hill.  There's nothing like seeing
 seven lil' balls fly down a hill at 70 mph.
	Looking back on my years as a counselor I realize how many bad
 things I have done to these children.  I know I was fucked up to do so,
 but I was a child myself for the most part.  It was all done in good fun,
 and for the most part I didn't leave them with any major scars. Well, at
 least physical ones.  I don't know when Jamie will be able to ride the
 train again.

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 [ (c) HOE E'ZINE -- http://www.hoe.nu    HOE #1061, BY LATINMAN - 4/18/00 ]