,... $$$$ $$$$T""P$$$ba, ,gd&P""T&bg. ,gd&P""T&bg. ggggggggggg $$$$ $$$$$b d$$$$ $$$$b d$$$$ $$$$$b ggggggggggg """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$bxxP&$$&P """"""""""" $$$$ $$$$$$ T$$$$ $$$$P T$$$$ $$$"""""" " """" $$$$$$ "T&$bxxd$&P" "T&$bxx$$$$$' " """"""$$$ """ """""" """ ggg "Open Letter To Gotahoe.com!" ggg $$$ by -> Clyde $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ [ HOE E-Zine #991 -- 12/25/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ] .,$$$ `"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""' hello! i'm so nervous! i've never written a letter to a web site before! let me introduce myself! i am a literate, internet-using individual living and working in the san francisco bay area! this is significant, so please remember this fact! recently, while taking the commuter "bart" train to work, i have noticed some new billboards on these train cars! the advertisement billboards are white-on-blue, and seem to exist for the purpose of advertising a web site "www.gotahoe.com"! let me point out at this time that your "dot com" strategy has failed! due to the nature of my perhaps perverse personality, i look at a web site address like "www.gotahoe.com" and can't help thinking that it means, "got a hoe?"! but when i go to your web site, i see nothing at all about prostitution! and truly there are many--possibly a number in the hundreds or thousands-- who are exposed to this advertising on a regular basis who think just like i do! haven't you done any research! didn't you gather the panel of average bay area residents in a room, stood behind a fake mirror, and watched the reaction as the advertisement is introduced! apparently not, my friends! so, let me introduce you marketing geniuses to your new friend, the hyphen! many e-commerce businesses these days have already discovered the hyphen as a powerful and effective way to properly align words within an "internet domain name"! unfortunately, you are not one of them! so watch as i carefully hyphenate your web site address, automagically removing all doubt as to its meaning! www.gotahoe.com -> www.go-tahoe.com! now! you may be asking yourselves, "what should we do, now that we have two registered domain names?"! let me tell you! first, while your e-customers migrate to the new hyphenated domain name, redirect all traffic from gotahoe.com to go-tahoe.com! then, once people get the idea and will never--i mean never, ever, ever!--type the website address "www.gotahoe.com" in again for the purpose of weekend getaway vacations (now take note! you will need to do some heavy coordination with your marketing department! if you are the marketing department, then you are or should be in deep shit!) then you can open a new line of business! this new line of business will be a complete, e-commerce solution for purchasing the services of a prostitute, all online! first, take pictures of your prostitutes! this should not be hard, as you already seem able to take pictures of a lake! then, set up shopping cart software! allow people to click on pictures, and add these ho's to their shopping cart! i would suggest implementing one-click checkout! if you can't figure out why, you shouldn't be in the sex industry! now, i have a copyright on this idea, but i don't have the high-quality, eye-catching domain name for such a web site, like you happen to have! call me and maybe we can work something out! anyway! let's get back to talking about lake tahoe, shall we! upon reviewing the content of your fine, ultra-fast web site, i did find exactly one example of proper hyphenation! for example, on the web page located at http://www.gotahoe.com/winter/winterfs.html i have found a listing for the phone number 1-800-GO-TAHOE! here is a case where you have truly succeeded in cyberspace with punctuation! throw yourselves a party! see, you can do it if you try! by the way, i hate snow! love, clyde [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #991, BY CLYDE - 12/25/99 ]