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                $$$$    $$$$$$ T$$$$    $$$$P T$$$$                      
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 """                    """"""                                         """
 ggg                 "THE GRILL STAFF MOCKS JERSEY DEVIL"              ggg
 $$$          by -> THE GRILL STAFF (Quarex, RottenZ, SwissPope)       $$$
 $$$                                                                   $$$
 $$$        [ HOE E-Zine #984 -- 12/23/99 -- http://www.hoe.nu ]     .,$$$
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           ( 0-0 )
       --o00-(_)-00o--
 "HI!  I am your goddamn fucking worthless narrator, JRZDeViL!#$&  Today,
 on JRZDeViL PReSeNTZ, we will explore the yet-unknown world of. . .
 HETEROSEXUALITY!"

 (You see, this section is implying that Jersey Devil is a homosexual,
 therefore insulting him greatly, provided he is not actually a
 homosexual, and is offended by the accusations.)

 I do not think the rest of the Grill staff will be helping me make fun of 
 JrzDevil nearly as much as I thought they would.

 SwissPope's comment on JrzDevil, when prompted, was merely "I want to
 die," which is highly suspect of being related to JrzDevil at all.

 But enough of this!

 Let us get down to the matter at hand:

 Really viciously mocking Jersey Devil, and enjoying it.

 I will now quote from e-mail I received from Jersey Devil.

 "Jesus Christ...I thought I had straightened out my opinion about fat
 broads but after reading how you trashed the author of an arcticle, I
 must say, all fat broads are just plain fucking dumb."

 Well, let us initially point out all the things glaringly wrong with this
 passage.  First, I forgot to properly cite the source.  At the end of the
 quote, there must be a reference, thus a (JrzDevil 1) would suffice.

 But beyond my own failures, we must look at his absolutely pathetic
 attempt at mastering the English language.  As everyone knows, ellipses
 have a space between each period, and a space after the last period
 before the next word.  

 "how you trashed the author of an arcticle," even barring the horrible
 misspelling of article, is an incoherent statement.  Since he was
 referring to a specific article, he should have said the name of the
 article, or at least "that" article, or ANYTHING indicating even the
 FUCKING SLIGHTEST BIT OF GODDAMN FUCKING INTELLIGENCE SHINING THROUGH HIS
 FUCKING NEANDERTHALITHIC WRITING STYLE.

 WHAT A FUCKING WORTHLESS RETARD!  HOW THE *FUCK* DOES ANYONE GET THE IDEA
 THAT I AM A FAT WOMAN?  DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA EITHER HOW MUCH I CAN BENCH
 PRESS OR HOW SO COMPLETELY FUCKING *NOT* FEMALE I AM?  WHERE THE HELL DO
 THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?  IS JERSEY DEVIL THE FUCKING MODERN DAY VERSION
 OF A FAKE ACCOUNT ON A BBS?  SOMEBODY JUST ACTING UNBELIEVABLY STUPID IN
 AN ATTEMPT TO PISS ME OFF?!?

 I wish I could say it worked, but it quite frankly has just succeeded in
 confusing me more than anything else.

 I suppose I could make fun of his article again, but that would be
 overkill, really.

 So, instead, I will take a trip inside Jersey Devil's mind, and enter. . .

 THE WORLD OF JERSEY DEVIL!

 Jersey Devil's life is a sad, solitary one.  Your life, too, would be
 quite solitary and sad if you secreted the constant scent of dog shit
 and uncontrollably screamed "I AM A GODDAMNED RETARD" every five seconds,
 regardless of what situation you were in.

 God damn, it would suck to be a 4'3" brain damaged paraplegic like
 JrzDevil.  I mean, Christ, I understand that kind of situation can build
 up a great deal of bitterness in someone, but who the fuck gave this
 midget retard permission to take out his bitterness on my utterly
 perfect, glorious self?  Mother fucker, you are gonna get it.  I could
 care less about how you are confined to a wheelchair and your life is
 shit already. After all, you asked for it.

 Now, everybody knows I do not have much luck when it comes to getting
 dates--but christ, compared to your worthless fucking crippled ass'
 attempts, I am the goddamned fucking LOVE DOMINATOR.  Fuck you.  I have
 watched some of your methods of trying to ask chicks out--I know how they
 all end.  They scream in terror, vomit all over your fucking Special
 Wheeled Chariot, and run the fuck off, generally into my waiting arms.
 You goddamn useless handi-case.

 JA HÖRTEN SIE MICH RICHTIG, SIE SIND EIN GOTT GOTTVERFLUCHTER KRÜPPEL!

 JUST REMEMBER, JERSEY DEVIL--THE GRILL STAFF HATES YOU, AND ALWAYS WILL.

[--------------------------------------------------------------------------]
[ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!    HOE #984, BY THE GRILL STAFF - 12/23/99 ]