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   ooooo   ooooo  .oooooo.  oooooooooooo       HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #697
   `888'   `888' d8P'  `Y8b `888'     `8
    888     888 888      888 888             "I Know You're a Girl and All,
    888ooooo888 888      888 888oooo8                  But..."
    888     888 888      888 888    "                by AnonGirl
    888     888 `88b    d88' 888       o               6/18/99
   o888o   o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8
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        I was sitting in my basement, listening to music when my brother came
 downstairs, shirtless and sleepy-eyed from his long sleep the night before.
 He sat down, lit a smoke, and began:

        "I know you're a girl and all, but you have to understand what just
 happened to me."  Right there I knew I was in for something stunning.

        "Okay?" I asked, nervously.

        "K.  There's this thing that happens every so often with guys, I'm
 not sure if it happens with girls.  When you're pissing, and you're, like,
 just about to finish, but you feel a tiny bit left inside, and you kinda...
 push it out, it burns so fucking much."  I was overcome with silence, but
 finally said:

        "Oh.  I don't know, that must suck.  That's never happened to me."

        "Man, you're so lucky.  It's kind of like if you're lifting something
 heavy, or putting strain on this certain muscle, something, I don't know
 what, but _something_ gets pulled in your groin, and you're like completely
 paralized for a minute.  And it hurts so much!!"  By this point I was trying
 to block out what he was saying, shoving it into the dark, unused parts of
 my brain, but it just wasn't working.

        "Heh, it must really suck to be a guy, eh?"  I replied, uneasily.
 Sadly, I wasn't thinking, and my brother mistook the "eh?" for "Won't you
 please tell me more sick things that happen to guys?  I really want to hear
 more."  So, he continued.

        "You really don't know what it's like, do you?  To be a guy?  Do you
 know how much it sucked when I was younger and had a few zits and had to
 shave?  Picture this huge nasty zit, ready to blow.  You're shaving like you
 usually do, but then there's this huge explosion and pus all over the side
 of your face, and your cheek is throbbing.  Do you think that's fun?"

        "Well, no-"

        "Or when you're taking a dump, and your dick's like all bunched in?
 And then you're going, and the toilet water splashes your ass.  I think that
 happens with girls, too, though."

        "Good.  But, see-"

        "You don't know, man!  A guy needs to take care of his dick!
 Whenever I'm walking, that's all that's on my mind.  If I see someone
 swaying their arms too fast, I have to be prepared to make sure they don't
 hit me there!  And you have to be careful when you sit, or you might squish
 yourself, if you know what I mean."

        "Okay, here's the deal, I won't tell you anything about my period,
 and you don't-"

        "And another thing a guy has to be careful of is when he's pissing,
 if he doesn't shake when he's done, he'll just about piss his pants!  It's
 'cause there's still some left, and if you don't shake, it stays in there.
 Haven't you ever seen that retarded man with a little piss stain on his
 pants before?  That's what happens, yo!"

        "Err.. you'd better be careful then!"

        "I am, yo!" he concluded.

        "Say, I know you're a guy and all, but you don't _know_ how much it
 sucks when you have cramps.  You know what cramps are?  They're blood clots
 trying to get through some passage.  That's what cramps are."

        "Jesus fucking Christ, Audrey, you shouldn't talk about that shit in
 front of me!"

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 [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS!  HOE #697 - WRITTEN BY: ANONGIRL - 6/18/99 ]