'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #438 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Alcohol Discoveries On Electrifying" !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> M4D 3LF !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 1/15/99 !! !!========================================================================!! I went drinking with my mom and my mom's boyfriend on Christmas Eve. Don't ask my why, I knew they were going to do their best to get me drunk. I started off with a Mountain Dew, I was trying to play it cool, but I had good reason to get fucked up so I moved on to Zima (no Hooch, damn). After I had three Zimas they brought out the 100 proof fire water, I was feeling pretty tipsy (yeah, I'm way a lightweight) but I still had the brains to say "No way". After a bloody mary and two beers? Well, let's just say that I lost my instinct of self-preservation. I downed a double shot of the fiery concoction and slammed the glass on the bar. My throat burned and coughed out a slurred, "Did they go they go over to the gas station to fill my glass?" Ha ha. Two more beers, one more double shot, I was dancing with death. Mom was driving back to her boyfriend's house; her boyfriend hanging out the passenger door, me hanging out the sliding door, puking our guts, and anything else we had, out. I woke up on the bathroom floor, dazed, with the most awful taste in my mouth. To paraphrase Stephen King's "The Stand", I felt as if a baby dragon had been using my mouth as a training potty. Christmas was uneventful, but I was glad not to have a hangover, only an uneasy nausea anytime anyone mentioned shots or fire water. Later on that week, I was reading Anjee's t-file, "Electrifying Discoveries On Alcohol", (HOE #389) it reminded me of my recent experience with alcohol and my experiences with electricity. Being a lover of all things electronic, I've been electrocuted a good many times. None sticks out in my mind as the time I was replacing the turntable on my Admiral console stereo. It wasn't a problem to remove the back panel and I was soon rewarded with the beautiful sight of cris-crossing red, blue, and orange. I quickly located the screws holding the turntable's suspension to the main unit and removed them, Charity, my wife, watching disapprovingly. I then turned the turntable over and examined the underside in better light, tracing the audio wires from the amplifier. Tugging lightly where they met the unit, I found they were connected with standard RCA type plugs, but the power wires were soldered to the unit and had to be cut. Leaning over the top of the console, I was hanging, upside down, stripping the wires with my teeth (boy I need a wire stripper) when my forehead came in contact with the other wire, completing the circuit. /| / | / | / | / | / | / / / / / / / /___________ / / ZZZZZZZZZZ AAAA PPPPPPPPPP ZZZZZZZZZZ AAAAAA PPPPPPPPPPP ZZZ AAA AAA PPP PPP ZZZ AAA AAA PPP PPP ZZZ AAA AAA PPPPPPPPPPP ZZZ AAAAAAAAAA PPPPPPPPPP ZZZ AAAAAAAAAA PPP ZZZ AAA AAA PPP ZZZZZZZZZ AAA AAA PPP ZZZZZZZZZ AAA AAA PPP /__________ / / / / / / / / / | / | / | / | / |/ I fell to the floor in a crumpled mass, paralyzed, my wife standing over me saying "Steven, Steven!", shaking me. When I regained control of my motor skills the only thing I could do was laugh at myself, of course Charity thought I was joking and proceeded to yell at me for scaring her. I got up slowly, shook my head to clear the cobwebs, and fell back down. I tried to console Charity, but my tongue wasn't working with my mouth, the dynamic duo just couldn't get it right this time. She was now convinced that I had fried my brain, but I rose to my feet again, unplugged the stereo, and finished what I was doing. So, what are my thoughts on shots of 50% alcohol vs. sticking your tongue in a electrical socket? I'd choose to stick my tongue in a socket again. Although the effects of electrical shock are pretty short-term, you don't get the hangover and nausea you get with alcohol. Plus electrocution is relatively easy to obtain; a shot of 100 proof alcohol could run you in excess of $3, more if you're under age, while there's sure to be an open electrical socket where ever you are. The best reason of all, however, is the fact that you can scare the living bejesus out of your friends, relatives, or significant other. !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #438, WRITTEN BY: M4D 3LF - 1/15/99 !!