'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: VIVA LA REVOLUCION! CERDO DEL CAPITALISTA!! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #300 !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: ZIEGO VUANTAR SHALL BE MUCH VICTORIOUS! !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: =========================================== ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: "Meet The Writers" !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: by -> The HOE Staff !! ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: 12/3/98 !! !!========================================================================!! As a special "get to know us" treatment for HOE #300, there were 5 pre-determined questions sent to all 27 official HOE writers, hoping to yeild interesting answers. The following are the results. In case you're wondering, the current 27 official writers are, in no particular order: Ziego Vuantar, Mogel, Art, Quarex, Mutter, Styx, Teerts, Altrocks, Swiss Pope, Trilobyte, Ramsey String, Squinky, Kreid, Cstone, Snaf00, Nybar, Jook, Tasha, Cyn, Soybean, Metal Chick, Anjee, AnonGirl, Seaya, Neko, Aster, and Phairgirl. Incidentally... Metal Chick and Ramsey String never filled out their interviews, so they're not included here. !!========================================================================!! Jook ==== Name: Owen 1st t-file: LEMON #3, "Art History" 1st HOE issue: #165, "Can I be a Barber, Mom?" Quote: "I don't want my pea soup cold while I'm preparing to visit the almighty sun." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Oh, I was a young lad, maybe around 14 or 15. I was a in 9th grade, I had a modem, I set up a MACINTOSH BBS. How many of you can say THAT? You think you're LEET? Well, YOU'RE NOT. My handle, JOOK, comes from the KMFDM song JUKE JOINT JEZEBEL. Basically, I had no life after Karmy Kays decided his football friends were better than me in ninth grade, so I had to find SOMETHING to do, and computers were that thing. The first "scene" I "tried" to be in was the ansi scene, but I really sucked. Anyone remember Bedlam? I didn't think so. Then Murmur moved to Bloomington-Normal, started calling my bbs (The Repented Gimcrackery) and got me into zines like Pez, Hoe, Gasp, etc. (2) What do you like? I like making my neighbors mad at me. They don't like Sepultura very much. I'm into Amber McCullough. She's my girlfriend, has been for the last 3 1/2 years. I'm also into the musical talents of Blues Traveler. I trade shows, stuff like that. Oh, I'm a professional wrestler, too. Check out FUW -- coming to an arena near you! (3) Do you have any goals? I wish to get out of Bloomington-Normal again and move to the northwest (Oregon, Washington) and smoke pot constantly. (4) What does HOE mean to you? HOE is a bunch of worthless morons doing what they do best -- being dumb. I guess I'm not actually talking about just HOE, but the entire #zines community. Sometimes I think about how much talent there is in this damn group of people and how much of it is going to waste, myself included. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? I've always wanted to make out with Quarex. I just want to see how far I can get my toungue down his throat. Soybean would be kind of nice, but I think she would laugh too much. Styx seems to know a lot about sex, so he might be fun. Art would complain too much during the actually act, and I wouldn't like that very much. !!========================================================================!! Anjee ===== Name: Angela 1st t-file: HOE #280, "Should You Date The Devil?" Quote: "I am basically rude to many people, not because I don't love them; I call it 'tough love'." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I first got started when I was introduced to the wonderful world of AOL. This would be referred to the first time I experienced internet chat. At that time, I found myself with a net boyfriend who quickly dumped me when I thought GreenDay was a holiday. Then I had a real internet connection where I started abusing the use of WS_IRC where shortly after I switched to mIRC. Within time, I switched ISPs 3 times, to better suit my IRC'ing habits. My 1st handle was Minny -- which quickly changed to several variations of the nick Angela. All this would be the cause why I'm almost 17 and have no life. PezMonkey indirectly introduced me to DTO, which soon led me to h0e, where I discovered #zines. I thought it'd be fun to check it out. :) (2) What do you like? I have a slight interest in computers, I know a few things about them, and unlike many others -- can fix a computer without booting the shit out of it. I can often be caught wasting time doing HTML and graphic design. I'm not a pro, I do it for my own enjoyment. However, music is my passion.. my life. I play 4 instruments and try to sing (it doesnt always work though). I find oodles of pleasure in chatting with people who aren't exactly what is referred to as 'normal' (then again, neither am I.) The french expression for this would be "Se qui se ressemble, s'assemble". (3) Do you have any goals? My goals are basically furthering my education (college & university), studying in music and/or computers -- which will hopefully lead to a career that I will _enjoy_. Hopefully. (4) What does HOE mean to you? I have a secret obsession for HOE (no, not really). The cynical and sarcastic views of several aspects of everyday life just makes me feel a tad better, knowing that not only I think the world is full of idiots. I love writing for it because it lets me explore the lengths of my own creativity (or something). In other words; HOE is k-rad. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? CERTAINLY MOGEL! mogel is God.. I never scored with a God before (neither have I ever had sex). His obvious sexyness and neato wit is a major turn-on. :P~~ !!========================================================================!! Cyn === Name: Cynthia 1st t-file: HOE #260, "Why I Won't Be At Graduation" Quote: "If you can't laugh at other people's pain, what can you laugh at?" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I'm involved in the computer underground? When did this happen? Um, someone said, "Cyn, write something!" so I wrote something. And then I wrote something that I certainly wasn't going to put on my website, since I already get enough sick twisted email from people who want to do weird things to me (my exgirlfriend, for one), so I was like, "Here! I wrote you something." (2) What do you like? "Stuff". I like writing, I like reading, I like computers. I like Oberlin College. I like my classes sometimes when I bother to go to them, which hasn't happened much this week. I like all my friends. I like making birthday cakes. I like sunshine and smog and I miss LA. I think Al Gore is dreamy. I like Kools way more than I should. And of course, I like all of you. (3) Do you have any goals? To be worshipped as a Goddess. I rilly want to get to somewhere where I could make a living writing, but I'd be happy computer programming for a living, too. (And probably richer.) I want a very big ramshackle house with a lot of odd rooms somewhere in a city with public transit. I'd also like to pull straight As this semester, but I doubt that's going to happen. (4) What does HOE mean to you? It is the diving board into the swimming pool of international fame and fortune. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Mogel. He's neato. And also, he's the only one I know besides Soybean, and she doesn't like girlees. !!========================================================================!! Nybar ===== Name: Steven 1st t-file: POUPEY #1 1st HOE issue: #111, "The Rise of The Mogels, Part 2" Quote: "To tell of Nybar's brilliant exploits would make wusses like Homer and Virgil shudder." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I was 12. Once at a day-camp I had overheard a discussion of what to name our tribe, I proposed "nynthoid barbarians". The name has stuck with nybar. I later found out that I was divinely inspired, as you see, NYBARius is the god of eliteness, Nybar is my cat and I am a lowly servant to both of them! Computers are nifty. The "computer underground" is stupid, but people are stupid. Here I'm talking about the people outside of the "underground". (2) What do you like? I think that the man that invented the asian school uniform is a perverted genius. I'm not afraid that I'm wasting my life; it's self-evident. Someday I hope to run for president, telling all the PC lies they want me to, (They is the council of the Them, headed by Col. Sanders, the god of lameness), and then expose my true rationality to the world.. after I'm elected! HAhahaa.. can't impeach me for speaking my mind, and I've got a 4 year fuckin' -- but I've said too much. I also like cats. (3) Do you have any goals? I hope I live forever in an opera of meaninglessness. I wish I could read all the books I set out to. I listen to some music. I also have a hidden vagina, it is where my naval is (this is a goal, but my bubbling optimism is shining through). (4) What does HOE mean to you? Hoe is a pretty bad 'zine that's lasted too long. Also, in space terms, the incomplete poupey 21 is larger. A hoe is a gardening utensil. Um.. the other rooster said "doodle doodle cock". Er.. rakes, um.. a rake is a guy.. with.. a big.. I like cabbage. This interview is over. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Damn.. those asshole jerkoffs? Mogel, I know that all of those people are actors and "dummercon" is a sham.. you have a 300k a year job, all of the profits of which go to feeding everyone the "hoe" lie. Anyway, I'm sure all of you sicko-rumour vulvas would like to see me get with ass-terd but I must say... ANJEE IS THE DUMBEST FUCKING ANTI INTELLECTUAL TWIT I'VE EVER-- er.. you see, I'm just bubbling over with resentment towards these contrived idiots.. only a mastermind, a true jewish evil genius like you could so dutifully replicate that fecid idiocy of life in your sham 'zine! Not writing of course, er.. the question... I'd like to "get close to" myself, so I'm going to go to my favorite Jennifer Lopez site. !!========================================================================!! Soybean ======= Name: Katie 1st t-file: HOE #143, "Carmex Rocks My World" Quote: "I like apple juice." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? about a year ago at the advising of a friend i (unfortunately) repealed the anti-irc ammendment to my personal constitution and joined #dto. and then everything got fucked up in assorted ways. its all been peer pressure. even my actual handle, toasty, is the result of a nickname bestowed on me by a friend. though i guess that's not really pressure because it's based on a t-shirt i bought myself. actually my mom bought it for me. (2) What do you like? i'm very fond of my boyfriend and of socks and apple juice and pretty pretty songs and stories. (3) Do you have any goals? i'm going to college next year. not sure where yet though. and i'm going to study lots of religious history as it is tasty. and then i'll figure out what to do with that. (4) What does HOE mean to you? cute pig jpgs. nothing more. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? ramsey string is a mad, mad hottie. !!========================================================================!! AnonGirl ======== Name: Audrey 1st t-file: HOE #282, "Public Transportation" Quote: "If I wasn't devoted to Jack Daniels I think I'd marry Earl Grey." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I started using computers when I was 6, but didn't really know what I was doing until I was around 11.. I would mostly write lame-ass poems and paint lame-ass pictures in Paintbrush.. then I became majorly into the Montreal BBS scene around 1992, with my 2400 modem and Telix. Then, in 1994, I got a 486/33,(which was obsolete even THEN) with 0.6 megs of ram. I bought myself 8 megs for around $230 and connected to the net, getting majorly addicted (you know, that new-found hobby shit where you look up useless junk like TV shows and drugs on Yahoo! for about three days straight). I could never really get into zines until recently, when I heard about h0e.. so that's how it all started.. (2) What do you like? I like Coca Cola, cigarettes, VODKA (Smirnoff), drugs (yes I'm burnt, but I'm not into heroin), Nacho Cheese Doritos, the Simpsons, girls, boys, Marilyn Manson and The Little Prince. I have a SICK obsession with film, and everything about film. And I *love* animals. Cats and dogs especially. I like all sorts of music, particularly rock and techno. I'm not fond of rap, but I can put up with it, as long as it's not WU-TANG fucking CLAN. And country makes me cringe. (3) Do you have any goals? I did, once. I wanted to become a college film teacher, but I don't think that's going to happen since I involuntarily fucked myself over by quitting school. I plan on getting some kind of job that has no direction whatsoever to pay my way through the remainder of my teen years (only 1 1/2 years left dammit) and go to University when I'm 21 (hah, as if). For the time being my goal is to enjoy myself and do what I want to do, instead of being locked up in an institution until I'm 25. (4) What does HOE mean to you? Even though I used to check out smaller zines a while back, I didn't really find them worth reading until I stumbled upon HOE. The articles are much more intriguing and full of character, unlike the past e'zines I've checked out. The authors are awesome as well, each one being entirely unique in every aspect. So yeah... HOE rocks. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? It's a tie between seaya and squinky. Although squinky can by rather... edgy at times.. However, he's still on my To Do list. Sorry Mogel. :) !!========================================================================!! Altrocks ======== Name: Jeff 1st t-file: HOE #213, "The Poem Of Orality" Quote: "And then you realize that there is a god; He's just dumb." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Well, to start from the beginning, my dad was an electronice freak his whole life, and as such I had a commodore 64 when I was only 8. I learned line number BASIC on it, and that's where it started. Until I was 13 I used school computers and learned DOS, Windows 3.11, and how to hack around on a poorly secured LAN network... :) Then in 1993 we got a packard bell system from Cicuit City. I learned about BBS's in under a month, and called about 5 or 6 close to 20 times a day. I wrote volumes of material on those boards, and was involved in an argument with TWiG, who is now one of my good friends, about drugs for well over a year. He was anti-, I was pro-... :) About late 1994 I got internet access and started surfing the web. I was on IRC alot, almost all the time in fact, and spent alot of my time idling in front of the computer screen till all hours. I would chat alot, and wrote even more. Last year, about this time I started writing rants (http://www.op.net/~altrocks/oldrants.htm), little poems and ravings to release myself. A litte later I stumbled upon DTO and HOE. I wrote a few things, and became and official HOE writer (I even got a little bronze badge to prove it.. Mogel e-mailed it to me along with an invitation to a hotel room in Philly... :), and well, here I am now. NEXT! (2) What do you like? Ummm... I like girls, pizza, beer, parties, friends,_lots stuff... I don't really like to DO anything except pope`in (POP - in), which is just hanging out at this little pavilion in the park next to school, after school, and doing shit on my computer (I program a bit, I talk on IRC ALOT, and I try to always be connected thru AIM and ICQ). Other than that, I'd LIKE to get the hell outta here, and get to college... I was made for college. Trust me. :P (3) Do you have any goals? I wanna take over the world. I eman I know it's shooting a litle high, but at least this way I'm constantly stiving to be better than I am. :) I'd like to have total control over the minds of mortals, and with but a single thought have an entire army of people ready to fight. If that falls thru, I'd just like to do something with the sciences, or maybe even be a teacher... I've always enjoyed physics, particle physics especially, and Math... (4) What does HOE mean to you? Hoe (HO) n. -- A Bich, slut, whore, prostitute or angst-filled writer under lock and key in venezula.... No, but seriously... I think HOE is a group of generally evil people, with a few exceptions, I being the most evil of all of you. >:) Just ask mogel ====> http://www.op.net/~altrocks/denise.html ... (inside joke.) It's a good chance for pople of higher intelligence to write about things, and generally express their views of a fucked up world that needs a good bitch slapping. I really think if the majority of people on earth would read, listen to, and understand half of what we write, the worlsd on a whole would be Utopian, or at least bareable. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Well, I don't really know any of you all that well, and seeing that I have met none of you in person, I can't really say, but I think a nice big orgy with all of us getting some serious bisexual hardcore action would be ideal. :) Or at least we should have somethin comparable to Dummercon. :) For all you that remember that... :) I never got to go, but damnit, I want to have a nice big get together... maybe near/in Philly? But, I would like to meet the one that calls herself Toasty... She looks quite agreeable, and sounds quite interesting... :)~~ Alright, that's the me I want to show people, so let's see those other questionaires rollin' in! !!========================================================================!! Kreid ===== Name: Dave 1st t-file: Y0LK #1, "The Other White Meat" 1st HOE issue: #99, "A REAL Bush Fan" Quote: "You're so fucking stupid!!!" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? That's a long story! I started calling warez (that's SOFTWARE PIRACY!) bbs's in my area when I was 12 years old, then that evolved into ansi art-oriented bbs's in a few years, and then that turned into irc when that became the popular place-to-be. For a long time in my "computer underground" career I wrote poems and drew ascii art for ansi/art groups, but then I decided that was stupid and I started writing y0lk e-zine in 1995 after i read some h0e and gasp files & liking them (almost). As you all know, y0lk grew to become the greatest e-zine in the history of e-zines, but after 100 issues I got kinda tired of that business and I started becoming a full-time writer for dto, until dto quite pathetically fell to its death. Nowadays, I write a lot of stuff that never gets published (www.gti.net/goat/kreidkomp.html), and I write for h0e, even though the rest of the h0e writers are complete idiots. (2) What do you like? I like being a lazy piece of shit, being with my girlfriend (awwww), being completely entranced by large quantities of controlled substances, and being chased by policemen. I also like reading books by Irvine Welsh, Anthony Burgess, Hunter S. Thompson, and Charles Bukowski. I like a lot of other things, too, but I hate writing long lists of things nobody's interested in, so I'll stop. That was a stupid question anyway. (3) Do you have any goals? I want to be a writer/painter, for real, serious-like. Money is not an important thing for me, so success is not part of that goal. I just want to make good art until my creativity runs dry. Then, my second goal: going out in a blaze of infamy in a giant explosion in the middle of the Lincoln Tunnel. (4) What does HOE mean to you? It's a really terrible 'zine and all the writers suck. But mogel is a good guy, and there are no other real 'zines out there, so it's the one I'm (sorta) writing for right now. It's quite pathetic, though, that theonly active 'zine in our little computer underground "scene" is so terribly unreadable. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Mogel, of course. !!========================================================================!! Cstone ====== Name: Brandon 1st t-file: BAH #4, "Public Access UNIX Hacking!" 1st HOE issue: #90, "The Disease" Quote: "I don't have any quotes!" Hi. You know, I originally intended to just pipe this through Eliza or Dr. Sbaitso or something and send you the responses, but I couldn't find something that I wanted to work on, so I filled it out. Don't be disappointed though -- I didn't do much better than Dr. Sbaitso would have. (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? This sounds like a question a FED would ask. Mogel is a FED. KILL THE FEDS. DIE. (2) What do you like? Hmm. Reading for eleven or twelve hours undisturbed; going to sleep soon after the sun rises; trying to understand the subliminal catalysts that keep the most normal, insignificant nuances of modern society in motion; sleeping (but not waking up; I hate waking up); following the birth, embracement, application, and the slow (but intentional) subversion of logic; eating plain Butter Croissants from the Vie de France inside Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg, IL; and listening to any music with emotional, artistic expression or originality. But not always in that order... (3) Do you have any goals? No. I avoid setting goals. I'm internally too volatile to set goals that would reliably coincide with my future desires. I have about twenty computer-related projects and a dozen or so non-computer-related endeavors that I work on. And I'm starting/stopping them constantly. (4) What does HOE mean to you? To me, "what does x mean to you"-type of questions are really leery, so I'll just ignore the literal value of that question entirely. HOE is one of the last remaining e-zines claiming (and deserving) relation to the mythical institution that is (was) the computer underground. What that means is totally up for debate, and I don't feel like ranting about what I feel that the "computer underground" really is. So now I've totally evaded the question and pushed a meaningless answer in front of you. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Do I lose points if I leave this blank? I have no answer, silly or serious. !!========================================================================!! Mutter ====== Name: Chris 1st t-file: Y0LK #62, "y0lk Test Pattern" 1st HOE issue: #276, "Librarian Phone Sex" Quote: "Life's like that." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? How? WaR3z wArEzz W4r3Z!@$&&#*!@$@ How else?! No. Seriously. I found a modem and a list of numbers and found some really cool BBS's (remember BBS's -- they were like the internet but with less emphasis on point-and-click multimedia and porn. Okay, well, less emphasis on multimedia at least.) I fell into some scenes as a result. Eventually, I also started reading ezines regularly (as well as print zines). My love of writing that's so bad (or different) that it's good (kinda like mentos commercials, although not really) led me to submit to that chaotic ezine project, y0lk. I wrote for some other, less mentionable zines and eventually started my own print project (root zine) which is still continuing today. (2) What do you like? I LIKE BUTTS!! HAHAAH!#@!! Okay... non-computer related hobbies... ummm.. uhh. hmmm, I know I have some. Oh yeah, playing the electric guitar. and...uhhm. long walks on the beach... and... Next Question! No, I tend to like my music (since I have no tv or radio reception) -- my current musical interests include: Led Zeppelin, 2 Skinnee J's, Company Flow, RaTM, Less than Jake... Oh, yeah. I met Spike Lee the other day. I liked that. (damnit, I'm too tired to pretend to be interesting.) (3) Do you have any goals? Goals? Goals are for those who always look to the future and in the process consistantly miss the value of the present. I like to live in -- and enjoy -- the present. (translation: No.) (4) What does HOE mean to you? ummm... one who performs sexual favors for money. (was that dumb enough?) I write for HOE for one reason and one reason only... It looks good on a college application. (how about that?) (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Umm... well. I'm not _that_ into the scene that I actually know anything about the chicks de la h0e. Ummm. I guess I should pick someone... how about... Phairgirl!# How about it, Phairgirl? uh huh. yeah. I hear dat. Why don't you ever call me anymore? biotch! say what? I here dat, nigga. I know what you mean. no diggity? no it ain't like dat, me and her were only huging . . . I swear to god I didn't know she was your mom . . . I'm sorry. what? well fuck you! I never want to see you again! baby, I'm sorry, you know how I get when I'm hungry. let's never fight again. !!========================================================================!! Art === Name: Art 1st t-file: HOE #153, "Missing The Boat" Quote: "IT'S NOTHING WE ALL HAVEN'T HEARD BEFORE." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I got involved with crap like dto and hoe about 4 years ago. My interest was piqued after reading a couple issues of dto I discovered on a local bbs in 815, put there by murmur and various others including trilobyte and neko. (2) What do you like? I read a lot. It's not good stuff, either, I read crap. I've been reading fantasy/sci-fi books (Dragonlance, Forgotten Realms) since I was ten. I can juggle 3 balls, and 2 synchronously in each hand. Yeah. (3) Do you have any goals? My main goal is to get a job, and it doesn't really matter all that much where I work. (4) What does HOE mean to you? what other zine is there to read? (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Heh. Seaya. !!========================================================================!! Aster ===== Name: Becky 1st t-file: SOE #29, "Hay is for Hroses" 1st HOE issue: #168, "Bots Are Evil" Quote: "Too many big, scary words." Aster was previously interviewed in HOE #206. Please refer to that issue, if you feel like torturing yourself. !!========================================================================!! Neko ==== Name: John 1st t-file: Shadow Lurking #1, "The K-Mart That Didn't Fit In" 1st HOE issue: #83, "Children of The Tube" Quote: "Pass the vodka.... BLEEECHH!!@#" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Back in 1993 when I was 13 I started calling BBS'. I was a 2400 Baud modem warrior and I think this contributed heavily to my interest in textfiles. I didn't feel like spending an hour downloading some game that would run slow as shit on my 386/16, so I didn't. Then I saw these files called "Cult of the Dead Cow" and shit like that. And I just started downloading them all. (2) What do you like? I like music. I'm into lots of music, and as my hoe bio says, I guess I'm the HoE expert on puncrock. Whatever that means. I like my girlfriend lots too, but she probably won't read this so oh well. (3) Do you have any goals? I want to open a bowling alley in Moscow. No, I'm not joking. (4) What does HOE mean to you? I WRITE FOR HOE BECAUSE ZIEGO HAS A BIG GUN AGHSAFJJHFS (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Well, I don't believe that Aster exists, so she's a no from the get-go. Everyone will say Metal Chick, so I won't. Trilobyte sent me a jpeg of some chick who hung out on #zines named L0rig or something. She was attractive. But she's not on the list. SO. I will say Anongirl. Even if she has a Marilyn Manson quote on her web page. !!========================================================================!! Phairgirl ========= Name: Summer 1st t-file: SPS #1, "My ANGST Post" 1st HOE issue: #277, "Drunk at 3AM" Quote: "If my life is this pointless, I'm glad I've been able to subject someone else to the carnage." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I got involved in the computer underground by force. I didn't want to. I am deathly afraid of 'leet people, because they are a lot cooler than me and I just end up looking stupid no matter what. I was better off sitting in my under-20 webchats or on AOL, safe as can be. I first got online in '92, AOL on my best friend's brand new Macintosh. Yummy. And it was SOOOO COOOL. I became phairgirl not long afterwards. It took me a long, long time to think of something that would suit me well. I thought, well, I love Liz Phair, and I'm a girl. Bang, it's a girl! Now that I have been sucked into the remanants of the computer underground, I have realized a number of things. I am not a bitch compared to these people. I am a nice flowerly lovely violet person. I have never "haxored" anything. And I'll be damned if I even know what that means. I realized that I can write really stupid t-files and people will think I'm cool... although Nybar and Eerie will never, ever think I am cool. It is cool that people do not like me. I feel accepted. Oh yeah, and this computer underground thing is MUCH better than driving 1300 miles to get laid by some 16 year old that I met in a seedy chat room. Everyone on the scene is so much closer to me! I'll only have to drive 84 miles, minimum. (2) What do you like? I like everything. EVERYTHING. I love music... Liz Phair, Dream Theater, Bjork, Garbage, Led Zeppelin, Shudder To Think, Beck, Pink Floyd, Depeche Mode, Korn, Poe, that dog, all kinds of stuff. I like a few movies... Natural Born Killers, Fargo, Clerks, The Big Hit, Niagara Niagara, Clockwork Orange, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, ummm, a bunch more but I'm really tired and can't think. I also like... ummm... faeries, anime, sweet potatoes, lily of the valleys, red teletubbies that say "faggot", people on ICQ telling me they want to tease my nipples, sandals, my 4 cats, purple things, kevin nash (ooooh baby), power puff girls, cracking shareware, spending money on stupid things, screaming REALLY LOUD, making fudge, singing, writing to old has-been hair bands, kicking ass, ummm, I don't know, lots of stuff. Refried beans, surround sound, subwoofers, sailor moon, space ghost, oh man I can't think of anything else. UGH. Why won't my brain work? I hate it when this happens. Goddamn it. Since I can think of nothing else, I will fill this space with senseless nothingness. apoweijfaopwjcmaowpdjfcapowefajewordfhaeworjfapeworfjaweojrfa wefolawjfedoajewcponawp;erohfapwoeryfhaworehfaworehfa awfoejawporeifajworheafvodncvlskdvncoisdchlva;sldknf;oaiwejfao;wleijf awdlfjawpodihfapwofhawpordhfapowrhdfapowhidfawohifawpodfjoapweiv wdljfpahoewidhvpowerujhfaiwannaluvyababyopewrhfapoewrhgaewruh voawerjfnopaeruhfapoirhgvejrkngerjghesproiuhgeoriuhgapoeiugteaong (3) Do you have any goals? My first and foremost goal is to finish this fucking interview. Cuz I have a really hard time finishing things once I start them. However, I'm not sure I will, because I don't normally set goals for myself, since it is pointless because I never bother with them anyway. Goals suck. Metaphysically, my goal would be to be really FUCKING FAMOUS so that I could be the leet one and everyone else would SUCK and be BELOW ME and I would KICK ASS and I would win the lottery and get a T3 and give all the COOL people access to it but not the people who MAKE FUN OF ME because I suck. SO THERE. Stop being mean to me, or when I win the lottery, you won't get a cut of the pickins. That's something to think about. Anyway, back to being famous. I want to follow the Jewel Method To Fame. See, I already come from a backwoods hicklike place like she did. I have a really unique voice like hers. All I need is for someone to discover me and to cut an album. Then I'll make a video in a bathroom, and later one with me slinking out of a tight dress. Then I'll write a book, but it won't be poetry, oh no. I'LL PUBLISH HOE!!! I'll steal it away from Mogel and/or Ziego and make it MINE. Ha. Of course though, I'd screw up somewhere and end up somewhere in the Madonna Method To Fame, where my book ends up being like her Sex book, and people start to think I'm nothing but a dirty little girl and I'll be banished to hell by every religious figure in the world. Then I'd find myself in the Selena Method To Fame, as by then I'd have a crazy fan (probably a couple of those Montreal girls) who would kill me. Man, that's gonna suck. (4) What does HOE mean to you? h0e means the world to me. I don't know why. I e-mail my friends letting them know when the newest edition comes out. Everyone where I work has at least read it once now. I check the site every day, waiting for it to enrich my life. My h0e shrine sits to the right of my monitor, where I pray to the h0e god Mogel every day, hoping he will somehow hear my pleas and release the next issue. I go through h0e withdrawls when I work for long periods of time, nearly crashing my car every night until I can browse those glorious pink piggy pages and gaze longingly at the tintillating t-files. Without h0e, I will die. We will all die. Existence will be pointless without it. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? DAMN there aren't many girls, are there. We're slim pickins. I've previously said that I will have sex with everyone. This offer still stands, as I have nothing better to do. Quarex has managed to see me half-naked, however, so he'll probably get a piece first. Lucky him. Mogel, did you include this question just so you can watch endless women drool all over you? HA. You're the only one I WON'T sleep with, then. You have to sit outside and read Better Homes and Gardens. Brush and floss. !!========================================================================!! Snaf00 ====== Name: Michael 1st t-file: HOE #285, "Sellin' Smack On Da Street Ain't No Treat, Unless Yo' Leet Like Mah Parakeet!" Quote: "On days like today, you'll find me wishing I had more things to beat up." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? it was a cold november day back in 19-awt-9 my pappy was in his gold mine when aliens came and transported him up on to der flying pie plate and when he came back down he warz holdin' one o dem com-pute-rs so the first thing I did was type "edit schlsuck.txt" and that was my very first t-file. (2) What do you like? I like long walks on the beach, interesting people. money, drugs and sex. (3) Do you have any goals? I only have one. I wish to one day harness the power of office furniture. Really, it is time that the oppressed office furniture of the world pulled itself from underneath the smelly fat behind of overweight execs and proclaimed its freedom!!! Besides with no chairs or desks I would probably be able to get a nice vacation until corporate America brings order back to the office-place by once again enslaving the furniture within cubicle walls. (4) What does HOE mean to you? HOE means nothing to me. Really. I could say: "HOE is the best experiment in eclectic writing ever attempted" Or: "Mogel is a genius, and he is so darn sexy." But you know what? I can't say any of that and still be able to survive the rest of the day without slitting my wrists. I hope you understand. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Quarex: because REALLY HUGE HAIR turns me on. !!========================================================================!! Tasha ===== Name: Natasha 1st t-file: HOE #281, "Suicidal Tendencies" Quote: "I NEED MORPHINE." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? First of all, I am not completely sure what the "computer underground" is, and as far as e'zines go, I pretty much only write for h0e, and every e'zine Angie starts, which has been like 50. It got started when Angie became obsessed with my writing and then began converting it to html and putting it on every available webspace... then she sent it to mogel. Boom. The End. (2) What do you like? I like music...listening to music, that is. I don't have much musical talent, I've been playing piano since I was 7, though, but I'm not very good. I like reading poetry by all the greats. No, not like Poe. I mean, Ferlinghetti, and Kaufman. Well, those are my two favourites. I also like writing. (go figure) :) (3) Do you have any goals? Well, when I was like 4 I wanted to be a cheerleader, but not anymore. For awhile I wanted to be a neurologist, and study at the University of Kentucky (Because my uncle said he'd pay for me). Now, though, I want to be an english teacher, like my mentor, Mr. Rowland. I also want to help someone, like maybe kids or teenagers, or even adults, but that's because I promised my best friend's mom I would, since she helped me, but that's another story. (4) What does HOE mean to you? Hoe means Angie saying "doodle-quack," and me complaining that I can't write. Yep, that's about it. Oh, yeah, and something about a revolution. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Uhm, probably like everyone, 'cause I'm one horny chick. I'm thinking a big h0e orgy, hell yeah! Okay, seriously, *HM* Angie? Mogel? Maybe? Cstone? 'Cause I like that one thing he wrote? I dunno. !!========================================================================!! Teerts ====== Name: Carlos 1st t-file: HOE #239, "Translating for The Army in Deutschland" Quote: "Ehh, fuck you." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? this is the underground?!?! shite...nobody had told me! i started fooling around on bulletin boards at the age of 13 i think...using a 386sx 16 w/8megs ram. it was a good machine for its time :-) bulletin boards led to the inevitable, sometimes they got me thinking...i wrote silly anarchy-related texts and what not...and eventually stopped calling boards because i had become too much of an irc junkie...gods forbid i should step out of my house eh? as for e'zines....uhm, i dunno i got turned onto dto because i was fooling around on my old isp's shell and noticed an account named dto. i did a finger and found the user was 'named' doomed to obscurity...that led me to www.dto.net...blahblahblah...i had been reading it for a while... eventually i sent something in for dto i think but it ended up in h0e... i cant really remember :-) (2) What do you like? i like stuff. reading books, especially the gunslinger/dark tower series by stephen king....uhm, post-apocalypse stories are always good...sitting around doing nothing is what life is all about...well not really...but yeah... as a general rule, i dont like people. individuals are fine though :-) (3) Do you have any goals? yes, main goal is to work on nanotechnology's biomedical and manufacturing applications...it will take too much schooling :-/ (4) What does HOE mean to you? actually hoe comes from an old south american vigilante group named harlots of ecuador. these fierce tarts helped the ecuadorian people acheive justice and also made prostitution legal. blah, i dunno. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? other!?!? does that mean i dont count? damn...to kinda quote someone i know, 'i know the palm of my hand like...the back of my hand.' (i would have said Mutter when he used to be a spray bottle, but now that he sold out and appeared in that silly hackers movie, i've lost interest.) "i sit here all alone with a martini built for two...i sit here all alone cuz i got nothing better to do...i sit here all alone with a martini built for two...i sit here all alone well i showed up but where are you?" !!========================================================================!! Trilobyte ========= Name: Tim 1st t-file: DTO #13, "You Can't Be Too Careful These Days!" 1st HOE issue: #101, "Group Therapy" Quote: "Poor people bring their their kids to Rock Cut State Park's only lake, and they poop in it." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I got my first computer for Christmas in 1992. I was, at the time, a confused youth in the 7th grade. I saw Neko's 386 and the neat Prodigy software he had for it so I begged my parents to let me buy Neko's spare 2400 baud modem so I could use Prodigy. Once I got it, I would spend a bit of time on Prodigy every week. I joined message groups relating to video games and became quite a citizen of the whole scene. (Random elite reference: Hawkeye's Bar and Grill). A bit later Neko gave me the numbers to some local BBSes and I was intrigued. They seemed so mystical and fantastic. I began to show my immaturity on the local Rockford Echo on Fidonet, and subsequently became banned from a few BBSes. But I kept on keeping on. I played TradeWars, uploaded and downloaded like a madman (once I got my 14.4k) and eventually found myself on a few "elite" boards in town. I also regained access on the boards I was banned from, but they sucked anyway. I helped setup a number of Renegade boards in town (previously everything was RemoteAccess). I obsessed over BBS software. I had source code and/or binaries for nearly every BBS software ever. I became cosysop of the most elite of elite boards in town, Cell Block 4. The sysop wanted to start a warez couriering group called DoPE, and I made a little ansi logo for them. Then he decided there should be an ANSI division of DoPE. So we released a few packs and then merged with another little group to form iDENTiTY. People from all over were applying to CB4 and trying to get into DoPE. Small shitty local ansi groups popped up to try to mock us. Little lamers thought they could match the superior quality of CB4 and tried to setup ELiTE MajorBBS boards. A guy who went by "Superfly" logged on to the board and sent the sysop some of his ansis. They were really original and showed a knack. We let him into DoPE. Now he's incredibly famous, because after iDENTiTY disbanded the better artists (...Superfly) left and joined CiA. Eventually CB4 went down or I stopped calling or something. That had been a fun time of ansi, warez, and calling cards. Meanwhile, Neko was into t-files. I didn't have the time to read them very much because I was too busy calling boards, but I knew the names of cDc and pEz and the such. I started hanging out in #zines when I was on the internet because Neko might be there. And I knew Murmur. I read dto after it started out, and then I think I wrote some things for it, and some things got in and other things went into h0e. All through that time I was trilobyte. I started out on Prodigy as Kabakiet, then went to Mr.GreenJeans for TradeWars, then Trilobyte for everything. I don't know if I got it from the company that made The 7th Guest, or if I just thought it up. It's not incredible by any means and it has little personal significance for me except that for as long as I can remember I have liked the little fossilized creatures. (2) What do you like? I like all sorts of music. My favorite groups would be Kraftwerk, Meat Beat Manifesto, Luke Vibert / Plug / Wagon Christ, Capsize 7, Dead Kennedys, and various Matador bands like Spoon and JSBX. I could probably also list Devo, Cabaret Voltaire, and Blancmange. I like all sorts of computers. I have a representative of almost all consumer oriented computers. Looking around now, since I'm at home rather than in my dorm room at UIUC, I have TI99/4a with speech synth, TRS-80 CoCo2, Atari 800xl, Atari 800XEgs, many Commodore 64s, Commodore 128, Commodore 128D, an Amiga 500, 2 Amiga 2000's, Atari ST (1040STe) (which I'm using to type this now), 486DX2/66, IBM PS/2 Model 80 386/16, Packard Bell "Legend" 386, Tandy Micro-Computer (like a Spectrum). And a Mattel Aquarius. I've been into video games since 3rd grade when I got my Nintendo. Then I got a Lynx, then I got an Atari 2600. Since then I've also acquired a Sega Genesis, 32X, Sega CD, Sega Master System, Sega Game Gear, Nintendo Game Boy, Super Nintendo, TurboGrafx 16, ColecoVision, Mattel Intellivision, Atari 7800, Atari Video Pinball, Magnavox Odyssey, Odyssey^2, Odyssey 200, Atari Jaguar, and there's probably something I'm missing. I've also got loads of cartridges for all those. Oh yeah, Sega Saturn. I like girls. I let matters of the heart sway me around too much. I like writing. Don't know why. I like putting things off until the last minute, I like avoiding all responsibility for my future, I like driving around with no particular place to go, I like spending money until I wonder where it all went. (3) Do you have any goals? One of my major goals is to find the perfect mate and settle down with them. That takes precedence over all other goals. I would drop everything for the ultimate girl if necessary. (One could argue, then, of course, that she's not the ultimate girl. I could argue back, then, of course, that if I'm willing to do it, it isn't a drawback). Another major goal, and one that is related, is to have substantial enough means to support a healthy family and my wife. A well-established method of reaching such a position is to study well in school and get a good job. That brings me to a more current goal -- figure out why I'm floundering and get the hell out from under the water. I want to learn from life and be as good a person as possible without crossing any stupid lines. (4) What does HOE mean to you? h0e, literally, is an extension of my left testicle. In my quest for a larger mass of density to fill my Jansport-sized scrotum, h0e shone through the wilderness like a glowing can of red beans. I followed the shine and met the fiasco with open pants, ready to accept life's new challenges and ecaculate dumb t-files about them, knowing that there was one fruit left on this bleak planet with open enough standards to be accepting of such fiction. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Perhaps with quick movement and swift wit, I will be able to ram my enormous cock up Ziego Vunatar's poop chute. He will be enamoured with love and lust, and will greet the world around him with eyes and arms full of laughter and licorice. With the possibility of such an enlightened ruthless dictator, we, the h0e community, may be encouraged to hold countless gala disco orgies, whereby allowing us to become a massive necklace of true unfettered emotion. Love, ya'll. Dat's da shit. & I'd like to see Metalchic & Art get it on. !!========================================================================!! Seaya ===== Name: Leah 1st t-file: HOE #278, "Smart Bomb" Quote: "Matt says I'm crazy, but I wasn't until everyone kept saying aardvark to me for no reason and wouldn't tell me why..." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I got involved on the internet at age 16. i was madly in love with a net chickie that I still talk to (although we didn't for four years). later I got into bbs's, then majornet bbs's. One of which was the infamous Gamepower, where I met Mogel and saw the beginnings of dummercon and dto unfold. I haven't written until recently though. My first handle was Spirit after the woman on Wing Commander who commits suicide at the same time as destroying the base where her lover is held so as to save the information he holds from reaching the enemy. An honourable death. She looks like an anime character. I feel as if I am a spirit sometimes, drifting in and out but never taking root. Later I was (shortly) Earth Spirit, seaya (on irc and now I guess on zines), and parappa (kick punch!). I hang on irc on #zines, #2515049, #fuck#sigh, #stereolab, and others depending on my mood or ban kick status. Yes, it is healthy. It didn't use to be, but computers are in my life to stay and I've found a way to keep the angsty weirdness in check and help to create a little microcosm of dto culture. Brilliant. 251! (2) What do you like? My favorite band is stereolab. I've seen them live more in Britain than the states. I like indie music, and some hip hop, some dance stuff, some experimental, some jazz, some country even (old old stuff like patsy cline), 80's chick rockers, friends' bands, anything that moves me and is original and expressive. I like anime and old anime-esque cartoons, such as Cities of Gold and Spartakus. I am into rpgs like ad&d and things of that nature, but not ones that involve an apocalyptic earth. Yuck. I was in Scotland for a year and met some friends there. I had a friend pass away in August who I miss very much. I like people who notice things, people who cannot be labelled, people who are loving and community oriented. I like watching TV with Amit and looking at chicks with him and Jim. eYe ph34r m0geL#!@@!#!#@@!#!!! (3) Do you have any goals? I want to be happy. I want a career that involves computers and reflecting on popular culture and the world today. Online journalism would fit this if I could get in there, or a City Paper. I would also like to look how I want and be myself at the same time. I will not rest until both are possible. (4) What does HOE mean to you? h0e means home. h0e is my people my community of wacky e'zine folk. h0e is real but not real. h0e is life. h0e is fUn. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Soybean! It'd be fUn. I'd get kissy face with art though as well! !!========================================================================!! Swiss Pope ========== Name: Phil 1st t-file: GRILL #1, "Procrastination" 1st HOE issue: #122, "How to Get Chicks: The FAQ!" Quote: "God gave us earlobes so they will be implemented in a future version." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I come from the 309 area code, so I wasn't used to calling chat boards or el33t CCinet art boardz or other such BBSs that propagated the existence of the computer underground. I was used to calling BBSs run by farmers running Wildcat! or TBBS who had large archives of ham radio, model rocketry, and astronomy-related files. Needless to say, this type of an online environment breeds regimes of God-fearing, anti-piracy, and anti-profanity SysOps. They formed an organization known as the BNASG (The Bloomington Normal Area SysOps' Group) that dominated the 3o9 BBS scene. If you were under age 18 and running a BBS, they would do their best to deny your presence from their BBS lists. So, at age 13, I registered the WWIV BBS software so I could do my own source code modifications for my friends' BBSs (whose parents were wealthy enough to buy them their own phone lines). A small number of BBSs run by free thinking individuals cropped up and a local culture of 'underground' BBS geeks emerged. From them, and from doing my own exploration by calling random Chicago 'underground' BBSs, such as RipCo, I learned about popular zines. I would print out cDc issues and other anarchy tfiles and bring them to school. Teachers would confiscated them, and one assistant principal told me that I should use my computer for good, not evil. H/P/A/V/C t-files were rad, especially when I was able to build something that actually worked. But thought ELiTE du0ds were pretty stupid. To this day I still don't understand what's so elite about lower case i's. So then when I was 14, I discovered the internet and used telnet BBSs (Endless Forest, Quartz) and MUCKs extensively. When I started using IRC, Quarex and I got involved with the trax scene. My obsession with demos established my belief that demo coders and musicians are a million times more talented than hax0rz could ever be. It's too bad they don't get nearly as much attention. Around my junior or senior year in high school, I met Murmur and Shadow Tao who introduced the zines scene to me. I thought everyone in #zines was an idiot because they took their precious e-zine dTo so seriously. I have lightened up since then because everyone has pipe dreams. It's ironic, though, because when Quarex and I started our first e-zine, Grill, it was originally a half assed jump on the 'hey mongle im starting a zine' bandwagon. But we discovered we could write some really funny stuff and have a lot of fun in the process. (2) What do you like? I like computers, music, movies, the outdoors, and funny people with distinct personalities. I like my friends. I like doing new things and going new places. I like having bouts of insanity. I like sleeping. The list goes on and on and on. (3) Do you have any goals? Sure. To actually one day be able to actualize the crazy ideas that I have-- to be able to stick with an idea and create something really amazing. But right now I'm just a slacker. (4) What does HOE mean to you? After the rise and fall of e-zines that take themselves too seriously, introducing such concepts of 'an elaborate web interface' and 'quality control', it's refreshing to see an e-zine that returns to its roots: writing for yourself and your friends or subculture instead of for the man. FUCK THE MAN. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? It would be AnonGirl but I heard that Canadian chicks have a vagina dentata. !!========================================================================!! Styx ==== Name: Matt 1st t-file: DTO #6, "Sunday Morning (Gas Station Blues)" 1st HOE: #96, "Midnight Munchies, Valium, Take a Shower You Dirty Fuck" Quote: "Fuck you, hooker." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? During the winter of 1990, I played D&D for the first, and only, time. The campaign lasted about a week and my character's name was Styx, named after the mythological river. In late '91, when I was 14, I was over my friend's house from school and he showed me BBSs. Crazy ones. Warez. Anarchy t-files. The whole bit. No e'zines, though. He also showed me a DDial. I was intrigued. Real-time chat. Holy cow. (Interestingly enough, 5 years later he'd go on to put out the short lived e'zine HAPPY, inspired by none other than h0e - he was El Jefe.) In March of '92, when I turned 15, I got a modem for my birthday. I had an Amiga 500, and the modem was a 1200 baud dinosaur. I think it cost 25 bucks or something. I was "Lord Styx." Ominous, I know. I eventually became a sysop of all three local DDials in the Philadelphia area. Some might say that's pathetic. Some might say it's "elite." I say it was circumstance. It was on those DDials that I met who most of you know as Evol and Thal, including many other people who you thankfully and hopefully do not, or ever will, know. Evol was actually the very first person I ever met in person from the computer, which was in April of '92. After a good two and a half years, she found her way to a local MajorBBS and left the DDial scene completely, but we still kept in touch. Thal soon followed. I wasn't paying much attention, so I still sat around on those DDials. By this point, Evol and I had become really good friends. In February of '95, Evol came over to my house with a bunch of people, including Black Francis. I had no idea who he was. At the time, he was running Goat Blowers Anonymous. I didn't know that. I hadn't even heard of it. I found out later. At the time, he was just a random goober with a baseball cap sitting in my room looking glum. Around April of '95, Evol again came over my house with a bunch of people. Whisper was driving. I can't remember if Mogel was there or not. My memory is skewed because I was doing heavy drugs back then. The only person I knew was Evol. Coincidentally enough, we were all going to see Seaya perform in her high school play, "The Pajama Game." Whisper and I hit it off really well that night, as I recall, and we ended up doing drugs together and talking for like 2 hours in the parking lot while Evol and the others were watching the play. He mentioned that he was a sysop from the MajorBBS that they all called. I promised I'd call the board to get in touch with him. I think it was June of '95 when I finally began calling the MajorBBS. That's where I ran into Mogel, Black Francis (who I then found out I already knew), Dead Cheese, Seaya, Spiff, Kaia, Mooer, Oodles, and any other possible Philly-related scene person you could think of. Evol had told me that Mogel "wrote seriously." That caught my interest, but it was passive. At the risk of sounding pretentious or overly self-aware, my life was a bit of a tornado at that time and nothing moved me much. He asked me to write, but I didn't take him or the idea seriously. Around July of '95, Evol came over my house with about 6 people in tow. I remember some of them. Nymph and Blueeyes were there. I think Whisper was, too. So was Mogel. Mogel was the only guy who didn't ask me any stupid questions about my iguana, so I took an immediate liking to him. Again, I *think* this was the first time I met him, although he might've been at Seaya's play. After a few encounters with Mogel in the MajorBBS chat room, he asked me to write for his e'zine. I don't remember if it was h0e or DTO; nonetheless, he asked me to write. I did. It was a piece called "Notebook Ramblings" or something equally retarded. The piece revolved around analogies to silly putty, or something. I don't have it anymore. I wrote it on my Commodore 64. It's somewhere in my closet. Obviously, the thing didn't get used because it was ridiculous. But I didn't really try, either. Mogel might even still have it somewhere on his hard drive. Around August of '95, when the first issue of DTO was being put together, he asked me to write again. It took a while, but eventually I threw something together one night and sent it off to him. I think that was December of '95, a bit after DTO #5 was released. Now, I had no idea where the piece was going. I didn't know what the heck an e'zine was. No concept of the idea at all. I didn't understand and I didn't care to. But that's where my piece went, Mogel informed me. "It's in DTO #6!" he said. "Great!" I said, pretending to understand. A few days later, Mogel approached me in the chatroom on the MajorBBS and asked me if I wanted to go "on IRC!" Going on IRC meant about as much to me as going on DTO. I had only heard of it in passing and had no idea what he was talking about. Regardless, I went for it. I think he gave me an extra shell account of his or something. He directed me to #zines. This was January of '96. Upon entering, about 6 different people who I did not know whatsoever started talking to me all at once about the article I had given to DTO. It was absolutely horrifying and soon after I logged off, took some sedatives, and went to sleep. No shit. So that's pretty much how it all started. Without El Jefe, Evol, Whisper, and Mogel, none of this would have ever happened. I damn all four of them to eternal torture. P.S. - I've recently come to realize that I was fiddling around on the internet a long time ago. When my cousin Jay and I were about 14 years old ('91), we'd play around on a MUD on Rutger's server called "NAILS." We'd telnet in from a unix shell and everything. Little did we know we were doing anything remotely related to the internet. We just thought it was a really big BBS. (2) What do you like? My cousin Jay - He's put up with me for 21 years. Charles Bukowski - Poet, drunk, gambler, whore, bum. Great stuff. Bill Hicks - Died in his early 30s from pancreatic cancer. It think it was in 1992. One of the most biting social commentators of our time, period. Most think he's a stand-up comedian, but he's not, because while you may laugh at some things he says, the things he says aren't funny. I've stolen plenty of material from him, a lot of which has ended up in articles I've written for e'zines. Tool - The only art-oriented band I know of that were taken in by the mainstream media and still managed to keep all of their dignity intact. Not to mention that their live shows are spectacular and, might I say, even spiritual. They are also fans of Bill Hicks, and even sample some of his material in "Third Eye" from their latest album, _’enima_. Dan Bern - Check him out yourself. http://www.dbhq.com/. I've seen him three times so far and plan to see him as many more times as I can. Next week I'm driving up to Massachusetts for one of his shows. This guy is a major thing. Take my word. Alcohol and my guitar - I can honestly say there are few things I enjoy more than getting absolutely plastered, sitting down with my guitar, and playing/singing songs. Winter - I love being cold. It gives me an excuse to make hot cocoa with cinnamon. Girls that smile. (3) Do you have any goals? No. I think the concept of goals is ridiculous, and to elaborate on that would give the concept of goals more attention than it deserves. Don't fool yourselves and make goals, folks. The only thing goals are good for is fodder for those inspirational framed artwork pieces hanging on the white walls of the cold, bleak office your mother works at. (4) What does HOE mean to you? I don't know. I came onto the "scene" immediately after h0e had died. I don't feel like I have a place to comment on what h0e means to me at all. Infact, I feel like I'm imposing on other people's territories by even trying to answer this question. Heh. But if I must answer, h0e means an e'zine completely free of any sort of anal-retention. No quality control is good in these types of mediums. It's a throwback to those old e'zines that would last about 2 weeks put out by three zit-riddled young teen goofballs from their parent's basements at 3 in the morning when they have school the next day, all sitting around the computer staring at the screen trying to come up with something witty for their first file_id.diz. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? As far as guys go, Mogel lives relatively close to me and we rarely hang out at all, mostly due to conflicting schedules. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him a bit more often. Ilsundal is a really cool guy. I've never met Kreid, Jook, or Trilobyte, but they all seem nice. As far as the girls, I've definitely developed a pretty good relationship with Metal Chick over the past 2 years. I like her a lot and if I have any say in the matter, that won't change. We talk on a semi-regular basis and once in a while I'll come home with a surprise package from her waiting in the mailbox. She rocks. I don't know the other female h0e writers at all, so I can't really comment. I know that Tasha is a fellow Dan Bern fan. It doesn't take more than that to start a conversation sometimes. !!========================================================================!! Quarex ====== Name: Drew 1st t-file: GRILL #1, "Why You Should be a Cynic" 1st HOE issue: #156, "Why Are They Eating This?" Quote: "FUCK" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Well, my descent into the computer underground somewhat started when I was 14. That was when I first started making .mods, and before all that long (when I was 15) I found myself on #trax on efnet, talking to people I had never heard of, who would later end up doing music for companies such as Electronic Arts and Sierra (Necros, Basehead, Siren, Khyron, etc.). Sure, I sucked complete shit back then, as far as music goes, and they let me know it, but they were all just so darn fun to talk to that I could not help but always go back there. I also put up a BBS around the same time that I started making .mods. A few years later, some random dudes named Murmur and Shadow Tao started calling, and they would occasionally upload "zines" to my "Chewing Lice Text Files" directory, like. . . hmm. . . well, it has been a long time, but the names yolk and pez ring a bell, and I know he uploaded a lot of CDC stuff. . anyway, eventually, DTO started happening. One night, when RottenZ and SwissPope were sitting around at my house, we started reading some random issue of DTO, and thought it was the biggest bunch of shit we had ever seen. We decided that we should be writing zines, since we know how to make funny things. One of them suggested that we call it "Grill," for no apparent reason, and the other one sat down and started writing an introduction. Little did we know that this thing we planned to be a one-shot thing would end up being released somewhat bi-monthly for the next two years. Grill #12 is sitting in about 1/2 completed form in my Grill directory, by the way, since you all care. Also, at some point WAY earlier, during the #trax days, someone introduced me to a dude named Mogel, who asked to hear a .mod I did called "Pork," since everyone else thought it was damn funny. So I gave it to him. And several years later he ended up being this dude who I actually talked to sometimes! What a coincidence! WHAT A SMALL IRC AFTER ALL! As far as my handle(s) go(es), each handle I have ever used has something resembling a story behind it, naturally, but as we all know, the only handle I have ever really needed is Quarex. Quarex came about when I was playing a game called The Dark Heart of Uukrul (I have no idea when it came out, but whenever it came out was when I made up the handle. . 1990?), and needed a name for my mage. I already had a huge list of names I had made up at random, but instead, I opted to just start typing and see what happened. The muse on my shoulder led my fingers to type "Quarex Osis," which I felt was the coolest name I had ever come up with. I eventually started using it regularly, but dropped the "Osis" when I noticed that lots of words for pig diseases ended with "Osis." I then went to Quarex Aegis, and dropped "Aegis" when a battleship game called Aegis came out. So, thus, I have been Quarex ever since, because it occurred to me that last names are stupid. I just have to list all the other handles I have used that I can remember, though, for posterity's sake. Oh, the stories they tell. Agon Von Bon Bon / Chandral / C'Tamehtan / Cyax / Grammer Kyng / Guayballanal's Finger / MrKitten / Oppenheimer Boy / Skull / The Laughing Duck / Verac / Zeed / Ziego Vuantar / many more lost in the annals of BBS time. (2) What do you like? I really do pretty much like everything. That is what makes me SO FUCKING COOL. I have only been bored once in my life, so far as I can remember, and that was at the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago when I went in '97. For those of you who have not been there since your childhood, no, it does NOT rule, it FUCKING SUCKS. As a result of never being bored, I find myself pretty much liking everything I do and see, and liking most everyone I meet. I have only ever disliked a few people (at least since Grade School, when I did not understand life yet), really, and all but one of those people made it abundantly clear that there was no way that we could be friends, so I had no choice but to defend myself. Beyond that, yes, I am into plenty of other things. I love computers, obviously, as we all should. However, I have figured out why you love your computer more and more the more you use irc - think about it. Every time you get positive feedback from another person, you are actually getting it from the computer. If some hot chick tells you she likes you on irc, you associate that emotion with sitting in front of your computer, not sitting in front of the girl. I also love anything involving sitting around in most any situation, talking to people. Even though those two things pretty much cover everything I do, I also love cats and generally do not care for dogs (though I love huge dogs, like Great Pyrannees), love hate and hate love, and ironically yearn for the complete annihilation of the human race. And oh yeah, while I am on that, I really like the way I think of sex as the primary cause of humanity's stupidity. If you have sex, you suddenly put yourself completely at the will of another person, and more importantly are engaging in an act designed to MAKE MORE PEOPLE. I SAY, FUCK THAT. If you must have sex, at least dig up a corpse to do it. (3) Do you have any goals? My goal in life, so far as I can tell, has always been to play games on my computer all day, then go out socializing at night, and somehow get paid for all of it. Barring the chance that this could happen, my other goals have been completely random. For a time, I wanted to be a musician. That still pops up every once in a while, but it is somewhat unlikely, as I would have to do everything electronically, and we all know that no electronic musicians can succeed in today's era of all-acoustic. I also have wanted to be the editor of just about every publication I read on a regular basis, as I catch between five and ten errors in everything, EVERYTHING, and it always pisses me off. I got a letter in the mail the other day from the English department here at UIUC, and I found eight grammar and punctuation mistakes in its body. Fuck you, English. Beyond that, I have also yearned to be a stand-up comedian or at least some sort of entertainer, an impressionist maybe, as that is where most of my talent actually lies anyway. I found some connections a few months ago, this one woman I am somewhat acquainted with happened to be around during a group dinner when I was keeping everyone laughing hysterically as usual, and she told me she has connections at Second City in Chicago, and that I should go do something with them sometime. As appealing as that sounds, I do kinda want to make sure that I have something to fall back on, like, a sword, if that fails. I also want to be a professional lover. Well, not really, but it has basically been decided by every girl I know that I give the greatest backrubs (at least short of the professional level) that the world has ever seen, so maybe I should go into masseusehood. That is a word. (4) What does HOE mean to you? H0e fills the void in my life that was left my the sudden shocking resignation of my man-servant, Standish. H0e serves, to me anyway, as something that can always entertain me, as even absolutely terrible articles can at least be mocked elsewhere, and most of them are short enough to not get on anyone's nerves anyway. I personally write for H0e for two reasons. First of all, I am an egomaniac, and an uber-ham as a result, and thus I love seeing my name in print anywhere. But secondly, I have always enjoyed getting some kind of reaction out of people, and my favorite reaction is, naturally, laughter. So, I tend to shoot for things that can fulfill both of those requirements. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? That is a very good question. I have naturally thought about this to some extent ever since I started writing for H0e, since I am male, and at the very least, we think about dating all the time, if not scoring. Naturally, I initially wanted to score with Soybean. That is, as I explained earlier, why I initially got involved with h0e, so I could be on the staff list below Soybean. However, then, through some bizarre twist of fate, I actually ended up in a relationship with her, so my mission was accomplished. Lately, though, since I have not had a girlfriend since cutting Soybean out of my will in May, I occasionally ponder the h0e staff for girls to date. Naturally, AnonGirl is off limits, since she is too cool to flirt with IRC guys. However, I did become interested in Cyn after reading something she wrote, and then checking out her webpage. Unfortunately, she lives in California. I have also liked Seaya since I met her at Dummercon, but there is that slight conflict of interests there with her, so she serves her purpose as a friend well. Metalchick is fuckin' hot, but I never see or hear anything from her anyway, so no go there. I started talking to Phairgirl, too, completely by accident, but again, she lives in Iowa. I have basically given up on the concept of scoring with anyone who lives out of this state, but I had some ideas while it lasted, at least. !!========================================================================!! Squinky ======= Name: Jarett 1st t-file: RICUS #1, "What to do with the Homeless" 1st HOE issue: #90, "The True Story of Emmanuelle Goldstein & Erik Corley" Quote: "Why do I always meet SF writers and retards and midgets?" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Oh, woe to the unshriven, they who would ask this question. At the time when c=64 computers were contemporary, My father was there, programming away weird shit like there was no tomorrow, and maybe there wasn't. Apparently, at some point along the lines, he had seen WARGAMES, and one day told me about modems. The idea was SOO OOOOOOOOO COOOOOLLL to me, at my little age of 7, and I tried to get either my mom or dad to hook me up with one, but they both refused. About two years later, I saw an episode of Silver Spoons, in which Ricky Shcroder's girlfriend sends him a gigantic pink heart over the computer, and inside it says LOVE. I knew they had to be using a modem, and boy, my lust only grew. About 1991, I bought a 386sx, with 2 megs of RAM, and I played a lot of games. I met this kid named Gary Davidson who also played a lot of games, and we started playing games together. I went to house once, and found out that he had a modem, and with it he connected to this service called PRODIGY. Boy, that was the coolest, because we could find out cheat codes for Quest For Glory I & II, and learn about the way to score all the points in King Quest's IV. I believe our collective nickname for the game bases was something like 'The Wacky Antwerp', being a reference not to the town, but rather the strange, blue, bouncing creature in the Quest for Glory series. Anyway, Gary had a modem, and it sparked up those long brewing desires, and so, one fateful day, I bought a computer shopper, and with my father's stolen American express number ordered up an $80 2400 baud modem. When it came, I sadly realized I had no where to call, so I promptly began to call all the BBSs listed in the back of Computer Shopper, starting up a really nasty phone bill that would be problematic in later months, until I hit upon a Rhode ISland (401) BBS that had a list of other BBSs in the 401 area code. I fell in with the miscreant crowd then, meeting up with a guy named Daver, another one named Runaway Train, another named Prince Mack, and two contemps who had gotten their modems and started calling BBSs around the same time as me named Darwin and Wonko/Suicide King/Some Other Bullshit. And the rest is history. And what of my father? He's still using the C=64, trying to predict the future. And if you think I'm kidding, you're wrong. He really is. (2) What do you like? Stuff? That's a pretty lame question, but, I like being left alone for long periods of time, I like to pretend that there really are people worth knowing, and I like James Joyce, because he also liked to pretend that there really were people worth knowing. I like books. A LOT. I can say that I have read more than you, you being the person reading the file at any given moment and coming across these words, because unless you're Harold Bloom or someone of similar academic standing, I have. I also know this means nothing. I like making jokes. I like Theodore Sturgeon, and I really like Connie Willis. I like Rimbaud. I like making jokes. I like being left alone. (3) Do you have any goals? As cliche as it is, I'd like to die young, before I begin to really turn into grey ash. I think people live too long now. I figure that 40 is a good age to die, and I plan to inflict it upon myself then. Of course, I'm sure by the time I'm 40, I'll be some swill-eating capitalist pig and death will be the furthest thing from mind, as I gently stroke the silicone breasts of my token bride, surveying my South American sugar kingdom. I hate questions like this and "what do you like", because my answers are only going to embarrass me later in life, when I look at this again, in some narcissistic ritual. My goal in life is to get across as much of the intended meaning as I can in what I say and write. I want people reading this to realize that I understand how angsty and youthful all of this sounds, and that in a week I'll probably repudiate it, but I also want them to understand that it in two weeks I'll probably be feeling the same way again. And I'd also like to understand that while everything I've said in this interview makes me JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE MY AGE, I believe myself to be somehow different in some way, and that my wants and likes aren't just that of a angsty kid. I also would like people to understand that I know the last sentence is a pure egotistical cop-out. That's what I mean by intended meaning. (4) What does HOE mean to you? It means watching mogel say funny things every few months, like "MR. SHIT THE CHRISTMAS SHIT". That's the basest level. On a higher, more socially aware level, I like HOE because it's so shitty. I mean, you look at groups like cDc or +FpG+, or anything that was started during the times of BBSing, (And I realize that H0e is much younger than either), and they're still around, but they're *so crippled*. cDc #200 may very well be the perfect text file, but what the hell did they ever do after it? And what the hell are they doing now? OR All the #hack people... Or anyone who was part of what was once 'the scene. They're all become gimps, in the truest sense of the word, because they're trying to struggle on with an air of legitimacy that they *now lack*. These groups thrived in a very isolated, small world. When BBSing dissolved, so did their main rungs of support. Which is why cDc is now some politically motivated, back orifice release, Poppy Z. Brite publishing, Pantera-looking, Picture in Wired bunch of pussies. They're lost in the maelstrom, and don't have a compass to get out of it. They can't evolve, because they're constantly trying to recreate the past. And, of course, they will tell you they're doing new things, but they aren't. They're just playing the same riffs OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, under different names. What I like about H0E is that it always sucked, and it never had any support, and it was always the shittiest imaginable thing. It can't repeat itself, because it never *said* anything. It never *did* anything, and there's strangely twisted honor in that, like French writer and Nazi sympathized Louis Ferdinand Celine taking pride in not claiming his actions during WWII were forced by the Germans. There is never going to be a day where you go to the H0E website and find mogel babbling about Political Motivation and Freeing Kevin and trying to hock you t-shirts instead of writing shitty little zines. The other thing I like about H0E is that mogel is the only guy whose sense of humor has evolved with time. He's not telling the same Mortal Kombat II jokes he was in '95. How many other modem people can you say that about? (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Anongirl, cause she's a super lush, and would be totally easy, and, Metal Chick, cause she hated my ass in #dto. !!========================================================================!! Ziego Vuantar ============= Name: Ziego 1st t-file: HOE #261, "HOE HAS BEEN SEIZED!" Quote: "YOU PATHETIC, CAPITALIST BASTARD!" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I CARE NOTHING OF YOUR E'ZINE SUBCULTURE. I HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS. THE COMPUTER UNDERGROUND WAS INTENDED FOR THE SO-CALLED "UNDERGROUND" TO EXCHANGE ACTIVIST MESSAGES BY EXPLOITING THE SYSTEM. (2) What do you like? I HAVE LIVED TOO MANY YEARS OF INTENSE OPPRESSION TO "LIKE" VERY MUCH BY YOUR SUPERFICIAL, RIDICULOUS AMERICAN STANDARDS. I LIKE TO CRUSH AND KILL THOSE THAT CRUSH AND KILL. (3) Do you have any goals? I WISH TO FREE MY PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ENSLAVED BY CAPITALIST IDIOTS FOR THE LAST FIVE TO TEN YEARS. YOUR CHILDREN SEND LETTERS TO COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD VIA "AMNESTY INTERNATION" BUT YOU FORGET THAT AMERICA IS EQUALLY AS CRUEL AND MANIPULATIVE. ONE DAY... I WILL HAVE MY REVOLUTION! AND YOU WILL ALL BE FREE... AFTER I DEMOLISH AND KILL ALL THAT STAND IN MY WAY! (4) What does HOE mean to you? "HOE" E'ZINE COINCIDENTALLY HAS THE SAME NAME AS MY GROUP OF REVOLUTIONARY FORCES. THERE WAS NEVER A CONNECTION, UNTIL WE UNEXPECTEDLY STUMBLED UPON THE WRITERS IN OUR HOME LAND OF VENEZUELA. THE HOE WRIERS MAKE EXCELLENT HOSTAGES. (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? THE ONE WHO CALLS HERSELF "PHAIRGIRL" SEEMS EXCITING. THE REST OF THE HOE WRITERS ARE SWINE... BUT SHE... SHE IS EXOTIC, YET FACINATING. I WOULD LIKE TO GET TO KNOW HER MORE WHEN SHE IS NO LONGER MY PRISONER. !!========================================================================!! Mogel ===== Name: Mike 1st t-file: HOE #4, "Meaningful Shit" Quote: "I love everyone!" (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Well, originally I'd been using the computer since they released those wonderful TRS-80's... I think my family got one in 1981, and I started programming in BASIC and doing anything my little 7-year-old mind could think up. That might've not been very much. I do remember making a great RPG where you had to run from Godzilla and another game where you shoot your teachers with a gun. Sometime when I hit the big age of 15 (1991), I got a modem and began calling tons of local BBS's. I mostly downloaded some games, posted on their message boards, and played the ever-infamous online game. I still dream at night about trading Organics, Fuel Ore, or Equipment. At some point, perhaps about 1993, some of my local friends (whom I knew before getting online) introduced me to several new things -- most obviously, the local, Philly "hacker scene" and the internet. WOW! Of course, when you're a teenager it's quite easy to get bored of the endless drones of school and spend the majority of your mental energy doing something else. I spent most of that time online. For a while, I was a dumb, little cliche haxor script-kiddie, but to make a long and very boring story short, I eventually ran into tons of e'zines, and more specifically "the text file". It's not as if I hadn't run into text files before, of course, but until I ran into such collections of them did I consider the idea with any seriousness. Of course, these files were things like cDc, Phrack, and BLAH. Not too much later, I decided rather blindly, "hey, I will start a really stupid local text file group!" which is something that doesn't seem to be all that original of a thought. Especially not in early 1994. Okay, so there were TONS of text file groups. What on earth could I do to get mine noticed... a funny name! Yeah, not just that... an obnoxious name -- *HOE*! It was that simple. The acronym "hogs of entropy", which was a blatant (and intentional) cDc-ripoff, was actually fairly random, as these things tend to me. The first, say, 60 issues of HOE are absolutely terrible... but I'll be damned if I didn't have fun making them with everyone. Especially with Black Francis and Abigwar. Oh, this is quickly turning into a HOE-history instead of a Mogel-history. That's bad. I wrote for several other e'zines over the years, and helped run a relatively successful, "serious" e'zine for 2 years called "Doomed to Obscurity" with several other guys, several of which I consider good friends now. Some even write for HOE! DTO was an attempt at trying to add a literary aspect to e'zines -- by having (at least some of us) try our best to write something unique and interesting. Sometimes the writing was absolutely fantastic, however, looking back now, a lot of it was self-absorbed, annoying, and generally took itself entirely too seriously. Oh, and as for my handle... when I was just born, my sister was just learning to talk and couldn't say my first name (Michael) correctly, and it came out "Mogel". It was a dumb nickname that seemed to stick with my family. In 1991, when a prompt asking me for a nickname stared me in the face, "Mogel" seemed like a natural response. It's a relatively meaningless handle (if handles are ever supposed to have meaning?)... and I made a very half-hearted effort to change it to "Yes, Okay" this year, but of course, after 7 years of being called "Mogel", it was pretty futile. (2) What do you like? Communication. Seriously. I know that sounds like a vague and empty thing to say, but I tend to think that most of what I appreciate in life are those who can communicate effectively. I tend to choose my friends, my film projects, my writing, my interests... all in this direction. Effective communication. I'm very much interested in philosophy, film, writing, and good conversation. I suppose your average 15-year-old GAP shopper would consider those some pretty boring things to put effort into, but I can't help but ask the cliche question "what else is there?". (3) Do you have any goals? Ideally, I'd like to surround myself with tons of creative and dynamic people. I'd like to find a way to effectively pipe my eccentric and bizarre personality into a real job. Right now, I have a very profound feeling that the best direction for me to do this would be film, regardless of how competitive it is. If you're good, you're good. If you can make something you will be proud of, you will be proud. I tend to take things in simple terms like that, and I intend on fulfilling my dream of producing something creative that I am genuinely very proud of. I only have one chance as Mogel on planet Earth, so I'd be a fool not to follow my heart. (4) What does HOE mean to you? Honestly? HOE doesn't mean shit, and that's the point. I often half-jokingly say, "HOE is genius", but really HOE is pure nostalgia-candy. I guess I have a different outlook on HOE since I'm Mogel. Actually, up until the last year or so, I've completely hated HOE's existence and somehow wished everyone would forget about it. When I was going through my "I-take-myself-way-too-seriously" phase, the old HOE files served as almost a mockery of how stupid I could be. I'll admit the old files were often *intentionally* a bit raw and crappy, but... it took a long while for me to realize just how fucking cool that is. I'd better explain. The "trashy" aesthetic has always been a key element of text files. I mean, the phenomena of text files, historically, has always been about something very simple-yet-cool: the idea that any guy with a computer and a modem can write up a simple message -- political, poetic, stupid, serious, funny, informative, whatever -- and have it be distributed to a vast, amorphous "audience" that could be anywhere from 1 person to millions. When I wrote a lot of those old HOE files, I really didn't expect to get e-mails 4-5 years later from BBS kids in California, saying that they read my files. The whole concept blows my mind, that young people could potentially spread whatever message they wanted without massive advertising money. It makes me sad that the raw, obnoxious, "underground text file" groups are a relic now... simply archives. Don't get me wrong. HOE is still crappy, but we're as crappy as we wanna be. The question of "standards" isn't really the point. We're a completely absurd production. With the exception of UXU, FUCK, and CDC (which barely ever releases), the ASCII e'zine no longer exists. We're doing this to entertain ourselves. Sometimes with clever ideas, sometimes with cheap laughs, and occasionally with quality writing. We've no interest in taking ourselves seriously... again, that's not the point. We're about having a all-embracing production where *anyone* can potentially be a part of with relative ease and for no good reason other than that they might like text files. The point of all this rambling is simple. HOE is taking the oldschool, "trashy" e'zine aesthetic and sticking in some eccentric, new voices into the mix. It's both exactly like and completely different from anything that's been done before. You know, as long as I'm rambling about HOE, and this is going to be preserved in issue #300, I might as well talk about something else I find interesting... approval. E'zines are usually a representation of the beliefs of one person or one group of people's ideas about society. So, what happens when you're releasing something which is primarily so utterly silly? Obviously you could take some sort of dip-ass, existential argument with it, such as "there is no meaning in text files! there is no meaning in writing!", but of course that's going way too far. It's amusing that HOE is fundamentally rooted in crap, because we do occasionally release some files that are pretty interesting or at least very funny. We've all come to expect weird stuff to come out of HOE, but what happens when something GOOD is released? There's just as much approval for that, I think. It's likely that people aren't continually reading and writing for HOE because they consider it high art. But if this is the case, I think there's the tendency to ask some simple questions: What are people looking for that is found in HOE? Is there something that transcends the normal standards of quality-control? How in hell are there 27 official writers for HOE on December 3rd, 1998? Of course, these questions are stupid. HOE blurs the line between good and bad. I prefer very simple answers, like, "because HOE rules". Because it does. And I do realize this contradicts me saying "HOE doesn't mean shit", but life is full of contradictions! I love what I hate! (5) Which other h0e author would you like to score with? Quite honestly, I'm fond of all the girlies that write for HOE. If I could, I'd probably splice their genetics and composite all of them into one perfect female. Although, if someone was holding a gun to my head and I were forced to choose, I'd probably pick Metal Chick. After all, she started the *first* HOE revival and this e'zine wouldn't be here now without her. That's also a reason to hate her. She's also pretty cute. If I were gay, I'd circle-jerk with Styx, Trilobyte, Swiss Pope, and Kreid. !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #300, WRITTEN BY THE HOE STAFF, 12/3/98 !!