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                             >> "Non-condition" <<
                                by -> ANdz0oey

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	my little brother sits listening, eyes-wide and innocent.
	i go on:

        "hey matthew, you know why josef stalin didn't win the nobel peace
 prize?"
	"why?"
        "'cause he was such a modest fucking guy.  really.  you know, they
 even tried dragging the poor fellow way up to a podium, so this group of
 wealthy and important guys could go and hand him over the statuette, and the
 cash prize, and whatever else they had for him.  but when they haul him all
 the way the hell up to center stage, and there's a microphone on and
 everything...guess what happens?"
	"what?"
        "it's funny...stalin was like: 'oh, god, i simply do not deserve
 this.  i just don't!  and even though i'm such an ardent humanitarian and
 all, i just cannot accept the statuette, or the prize money, or anything
 else, for that matter.  i'd like all of you committee members to just kindly
 pass everything on to someone who really is worthy of the honor.
 good-night, and thank you.'  and that was that.  and so the nomination went
 to some peace protester or something.  but, you know, stalin really
 should've gotten it."

	my brother giggles.  he thoroughly believes the entire story.
        "go do your homework," i tell him.
	he goes.

	i feel more depressed than alone.   it's overwhelming.

        "matthew... hey matt?"  i call into his room.
	"what?"
        "c'mere for a little bit... i want to talk."
	he slowly walks over.
	"alright, sit down."
	he immediately does.

        "ok, mmm, huh... alright, you know who jesus chri--i mean abraham
 lincoln was?"  the poor kid wouldn't have any idea who jesus christ was.
        "yeah," matt answers.  "he freed all of the niggers."
        "no... goddamnit matt, he freed the slaves.  the slaves!  not the
 niggers."
	matthew thinks a little.  "i thought that was stalin."
	"no...no...nevermind about stalin, ok?  lincoln, not stalin."
	"ok."
	"well, remember what lincoln said?  you know, about love and all?"
	"no." matthew says softly.
        "well, alright, lincoln said...um...something like: 'do unto others
 as they'd do unto you.'  you know, kind of like: 'be nice to everyone,' I
 guess.
        "uh-huh."  extraordinarily, he has a faint recollection of the truth
 of my statement.
        I go on:  "yeah, and what he said about the system...you know, the
 system?  the government and everything?  he said: 'fuck authority...fuck
 ignorance...fuck hatred...'"

	matthew giggles.
        "no, matt, i'm serious.  completely.  lincoln wanted everybody to
 love each other.  he wrote down all of these great ideas..um, in the
 bible...the new testament...and they're so beautiful.  they're wonderful,
 matt.  maybe you'll read 'em some time.
        "but the main thing to remember, here, is that lincoln tried to tell
 the world about peace...and reform...but they didn't listen.  they kind of
 yelled at him...and mocked him...and they ended up crucifying him.  putting
 him on a cross.  they just wouldn't listen to what he was trying to say.
 and it sucks.  but, you've got to listen matt...really.  ok?  you
 listening?"
	"yeah."

        he doesn't understand... but he will.
	i'm going to tell him the same story tomorrow.

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    * (c) HoE publications.  HoE #217 -- written by ANdz0oey -- 3/19/98 *