=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Airline Follies --------------- I'm sitting on the plane in Cleveland, Ohio, waiting for this connection flight to take me into Boston. while the weather is fine in Cleveland, the weather in Boston is really shitty, and they have closed the airport there. We have been sitting at the gate for over ninety minutes when the pilot announces we will now finally be leaving, but, just in case we have to circle around Boston for a bit before landing, we will be loading up some extra fuel. After a moment, I look out the window of first class to my right and see the fuel guy bee-bopping around the runway listening to his walkman. I look out the left side and see fuel spewing out from the wing like a geyser. Idiot has overfilled the wing tanks to the point they buckled and split, thereby throwing fuel all over the place. The pilot comes on and tells us there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Except, half way through his sentence, firetrucks have surrounded the plane, and people in silver space suits are boarding the plane telling us to get the hell off. "Whoosh!" All we needed was some water and the slides would have been a bit more fun. I'm back up in the gate taking pictures of the fire trucks shooting foam all over the plane, because I figure no one is going to believe this shit. Other passengers are talking about the fact that it is useless to call Continental and complain, because all they will do is say they are sorry, and not do shit about it. Continental is good for that. Always saying they are sorry while continuing to fuck up over and over again. Two hours later we are on another plane and off to Boston. We land in the rain, and I head on down to baggage claim to grab my bags. Now, one of the benefits of being a frequent flier is that my bags are tagged as "Priority Handling." This means your bags are supposed to be the first ones to come through baggage claim. Yet, my bags come down the ramp last. Go figure. I walk out and learn that I am hosed. See, we landed so late that everything is closed. No buses, no shuttles, no shit. Only taxis, and I don't have the hundred dollars to go that far in my pocket. How am I going to get the sixty miles to my hotel? I go to the baggage claim, the only thing left open, as they can't close until after the last flight comes in. "Can I help you?" "Yes. Our plane came in late and all the transportation is gone. I need a voucher for a taxi ride to my hotel." "What was your flight number?" "520." She looks in her computer and says, "I'm sorry. The computer shows the plane came in late due to weather, so there is nothing we can do to help you." Realizing I have just been lied to, I let her have it. "No! Let me tell you why the fucking plane was late. Your stupid ass ground crew blew the fuel cells on the wings of our plane and almost blew us the fuck up on the runway in Cleveland. We had to wait for the firefighters to finish foaming the plane and for the crew to get a new plane. That's why the damn plane was late. Now I want a fucking voucher!" "Hold on a second," as she fumbles through some papers. "Here you go, sir." I now have my voucher, grab a cab, and I am off to my hotel. I call the airline's bitch line the next day to let them know about what happened. Know what they said? "We're sorry, sir." Just like the other passengers said they would say while we were in Cleveland. And they never made it up to me. se7en 8/9/97 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK = = WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html = = http://www.interlog.com/~lisa/f.u.c.k. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=