Ü ÜßÝ   Ü             Ü   Ü       
               ßÝ ßÝ   Ý             Ý   Ý      
                Ý  Û   Ý             Ý   Ý       
  BLaH          Ý ß    Ý      ÜßÜ    Ý   Ý                                
  File          ÝßÜ    Ý         Ý   ÝßÝÜÝ         Written Sept. 29th, 1992
  #035          Ý  Ýig Ýong  Üßß Ýnd Ý   Ýairy  
                Ý  Ý   Ý    Þ    Ý   Ý   Ý       
                ÝÜß    ÝÜÜÝ  ßÜÜßÞ  ÜÝ   ÞÜ     
                
                         Presents
                Ú          ÄÄ            ¿
                 "A Twit for All Seasons" 
                ³          by            ³
                       Constantine
                À          ÄÄ            Ù
                                                                
       
        Some issues back, fellow BLaHster Chessman introduced the Twit of
the Month, an award given to only the most obnoxious and pathetic of BBS
vermin.  Well, I'd like to introduce the September Twit, a chap who goes
by the name "Rex".  Rex hangs out on a certain Southwest Florida public-
domain wasteland that shall remain nameless, not to protect it, but in
the hopes that it sinks into eternal obscurity...
        In order to find the perfect Twit, I logged onto the aforementioned
dating board as "Sandra", a perfectly-figured redhead who, as I wrote in
the on-line questionaire, "loves to FUCK and oter [sic] wild stuff with
whipped cream and vegetable oil!".  Then, feeling thankful for sysops who
give instant access, I cruised the chat channel for grazing twits.
        This is actually more of an indictment of "Dial-Your-Match" boards
and the idiots that call them than any individual lamer.  We're dealing
with entire groups of balding, horny men who think single women infinitely
more attractive then themselves are not only going to spend their free
evenings calling these boards, but are going to be incredibly turned on by
drooling spuds dragging them into chat mode and telling them how long their
willies are.  And they NEVER learn, no matter how many times you make idiots
out of them.
        And YOU thought k-rad boards were dangerous!

---------
Hi, everyone!


(Rex 416):  Hey, baby!               <--Dear Gods, it's the seventies.

(Wintermute 138):  Hi, Sandra        <--An "in-the-know" BLaH fan.

(Chuckie 112):  Hi.

Any HORNY studs out there tongiht?   <--Obvious ploy

(Rex 416):  I am!  WOW!              <--Obvious moron

(Wintermute 138):  I'm not.  I like Chuckie.

(Rex 416): p/do you like SEX?        <--Not with you, it's just my job.

(Chuckie 112):  I'm horney           <--Hi, I'm Connie. <name joke>

[Chuckie, Chuckie Bo buckie.. Fanana nana fo...--gweed]

(Rex 416): p/this is private they cant hear me    <--No shit, sherlock.

p/416 do you?

(Rex 416): p/nine inches of fun!     <--They ALWAYS measure, THEN lie.

(Chuckie 112): p/Wanna go private chat?

p/112 No, I'm an exhibitionist.

p/416 Oooh!  Get me HOT baby!  Yea!  <--Here we go...

(Chuckie 112):  p/So you take your cloths off in public?

[yes, I only wear wash cloths..--gweed]

(Wintermute 138):  Goodnight, Sandra.  Have fun.

(Rex 416):  p/I bet you could suck it all       <--He sure knows how to get
                                                   a woman aroused...

p/416 I'd love to suck your massive peewee monster!

---Wintermute 138 has left chat mode---

(Chuckie 112): p/What are you wearing?

(Rex 416):  p/Sucking it up and down, till i CUM     <--What a Don Juan...

p/112  A nun's habit, and YOU'RE going to hell!      <--Let's eliminate
                                                        Chuckie, eh?

p/416  Ooh, baby!  Cum all over me!  I wanna slurp it all down!

(Rex 416):  p/Yeah, take it all!  Lick me hard again so I can ride you

p/416  Your the biggest stud!                   <--"your"; dumb men like
                                                   dumber women.

(Rex 416):  p/I'm gonna ram it in till you cum screaming   <--This is just      
                                                              SO romantic.

p/416  Oh, yeah!  I love your weewee!           <--And he STILL doesn't get
                                                   it.

(Chuckie 112):  p/R U really a nun? 

/p112  You're going to BURN IN ETERNAL HELLFIRE!!  Your cock will shrivel up
and you will have ELEPHANTITIS until BOB comes back!!  And then things are
just gonna get WORSE!!

---Chuckie 112 has left chat mode---

[what, doesn't it turn him on when you talk dirty, conn? --gweedagain]

(Rex 416):  /ptake my cock baby I'm cummminggg  <--Typed with one finger,
                                                   long pause followed.

Rex?  Did you achieve orgasm?

(Rex 416):  That was great, Sandy!  Wanna go voice?

That's SANDRA, you cheap bastard.

(Rex 416):  HUH?

Smile, Rexy-poo.  You're on BLaH camera.        <--Smile!

(Rex 416):  Whts blah?

An organization dedicated to eliminating vermin like yourself from the face
of the earth.  In mere days, a text file containing this entire conversation
will be circulated across the globe, so all REAL bbs users can see what a
gullible schmuck you are.  By the way, you're also a sexist pig and you come
WAY too soon.

(Rex 416):  FUCK YOU BITCH                      <--What a guy!

I don't think you get the point.                <--Ending our sad chronicle.

[connie.. that's not all he doesn't get..--gweed]

---------

        And I didn't even get the chance to tell him that he's our monthly        
Twit!  A few threatening letters to "Sandra's" mailbox followed, then
nothing.  Not even a "thank-you" note.

{-End of File...Safe-T-Little12YROldUsingModemForSex says "6339" Bytes Total"-}

jeez.. and I thought I was sexually depraved by taking 'phone sex' a little
too literally <watch for me at the 2600 meetings>

BLaH <sigh>ts are..

708-251-5094 ! Nun-Beaters Anonymous - BLaH WHQ ­ [IL]
708-965-8965 ! Carbon Nation                    ­ [IL]
305-927-3028 ! The Insane Asylum                ­ [FL]
419-475-3089 ! The Realm Of Death               ­ [OH]
819-778-0454 ! Brain Damage                     ­ [QC]

{---The Flying Pig line.'the line was 350ø and he was up there for 3 hours'--}