Ü ÜßÝ Ü Ü Ü ßÝ ßÝ Ý Ý Ý Ý Û Ý Ý Ý BLaH Ý ß Ý ÜßÜ Ý Ý File ÝßÜ Ý ÜÝ ÝßÝÜÝ Written August 4th, 1992 #012 Ý Ýig Ýong ÜßÝ Ýnd Ý Ýairy Ý Ý Ý Þ Ý Ý Ý ÝÜß ÝÜÜÝ ßÜÜßÞ ÜÝ ÞÜ Presents Ú ÄÄ ¿ "Cthulhu Crusade '92!" ³ by ³ Constantine À ÄÄ Ù Well, it's almost election time again-- what are YOU gonna do about it? You could vote for Bush/Quayle, but then you'd have to live with putting a diehard conservative and his moronically incompetent stooge back in office. You could vote for Clinton/Gore, but then you'd have to live with TIPPER GORE CONSTANTLY ON TELEVISION AGAIN! It seems like a tough choice either way, right? Wrong! The Dream Candidate is HERE, friends... Why vote for the LESSER of all evils? Go for CTHULHU IN '92! That's right, the demon-lord of R'leyh has thrown his (10 mile diameter) hat into the ring! Voted "Most Likely to Eat the Universe" by Playbeing Magazine, he's a one-man presidential machine! Of course, when you've got a candidate this big (and we mean BIG), only one vice- president will do-- Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos! It's the Ticket from Hell, and this is their platform: 1: As promises to slash spending have failed in the past, Cthulhu will slash the SPENDERS. Congress will be summarily devoured, and the Senate reserved for diabolical sacrifices. 2: No new taxes! Every family will, however, be requrired to offer their firstborn child. 3: More riots. Lots more. 4: Arms spending and nuclear proliferation will end, because Cthulhu's first act as President will be to eat all other nations. 5: Changes in our stuffy old traditions-- national bird will be the Byhakee, national flag will bear the Yellow Sign, and the national song will be changed to that grand old classic, "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Ftaghuan!". 6: No matter who you vote for, the world is going to end. With Cthulhu, you at least get nifty pyrotechnics. 7: The Necronomicon will be required reading in public schools, and school prayer will be reinstated in a BIG way. 8: No more PTL. 9: If elected, Nyarlathotep will eat Dan Quayle alive on national television. New episodes of "Murphy Brown" will air immediately afterward. There it is-- the simple 9-point plan to bring this nation back on its feet. So go out and register to vote today! And if you're still not convinced, just remember one thing-- when the Deep Ones march from house to house asking who voted and who didn't, do YOU want to tell them that you went Republican? Didn't think so. {---End of File... Safe-T-Nutz v0.90á says "3523 Bytes Total"------------} "Better than ZA/\/?" -- Some Guy On The Street With a Hotdog BLaH ts .. Just so you'll know where to get more of this crap.. Nun-Beaters Anonymous | <708>251-5094 | 110/16.8k Hell Bound | <708>965-8965 | 2400/14.4k The Insane Asylum | <305>927-3028 | 2400/16.8k The Realm of Death | <419>475-3089 | 2400/16.8k {---Rainbow Line--Somewhere Over is the Truth..-------------------------}