SNIGLETS

ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid)adj. Being able to drive and refold a
         road map at the same time.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus)adj. Possesing the ability to turn the bath
         tub faucet on and off with your toes.
AQUALIBRUM (ak wa lib' re um)n. The point where the stream of drinking
         fountain water is at its perfect height, thus releiving the
         drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting
         himself in the eye.
BURGACIDE (burg' uh side)n. When a hamburger can't take any more torture
         and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.
BUZZACKS (buz' aks)n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up
         display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know
         the phones are not connected.
CARPERETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun)n. The act, when vacuuming, of run-
         ning over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
         reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it
         back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
DIMP (dimp)n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by
         asking, "Do you work here?"
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt')v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped
         on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will "remove
         all the germs.
ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma)n. A rescue vehichle which can only be seen in the
         rearview mirror.
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the
         movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
ELBONICS (el bon' iks)n. The actions of two people manuevering for one arm-
         rest in a movie theater.
ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)n. The notion that the more you press
         an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
FRUST (frust)n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the
         dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
         finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun)n. Manhandling the "open here"
         spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
         "illegal" side.
NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see)n. A flourescent light bulb struggling to come
         to life.
PEPIER (pehp ee ay')n. The waiter at a fancy restuarant whose sole purpose
         seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground
         pepper.
PETONIC (peh ton' ik)adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a
         household pet.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh)n. The afflication of dialing a phone number and
         forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
PUPKUS (pup' kus)n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses
         its nose to it.
TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun)n. The act of always letting the
         phone ring at least twice before picking it up, even when you're
         only six inches away.