There was a young girl in Berlin Who was fucked by an elderly Finn. Though he diddled his best, And fucked her with zest, She kept asking, "Hey, Pop, is it in?" I wooed a stewed nude in Bermuda, I was lewd, but my God! she was lewder. She said it was crude To be wooed in the nude-, I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her! There was a young sailor from Brighton Who said to his girl, "You`re a tight one." She replied, " `Pon my soul, You're in the wrong hole; There`s plenty of room in the right one." A young woman got married at Chester, Her mother she kissed and she blessed her. Says she, "You`re in luck, He's a stunning good fuck, For I`ve had him myself down in Leicester." There was a young lady of Dover Whose passion was such that it drove her To cry, when you came, "Oh dear! What a shame! Well, now we shall have to start over." There was a young fellow named Goody Who claimed that he wouldn't, but would he? If he found himself nude With a gal in the mood, The question's not would he but could he? A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room, And they argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom. There was a young plumber of Leigh Who was plumbing a girl by the sea. She said, "Stop your plumbing, There`s somebody coming!" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It`s me." Said a lecherous fellow named Shea, When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay, "You must seize it, and squeeze it, And tease it, and please it, For Rome wasn`t built in a day." "My back aches. My penis is sore. I simply can't fuck any more. I'm dripping with sweat, And you haven't come yet; And, my God! it`s a quarter to four!" The spouse of a pretty young thing Came home from the wars in the spring. He was lame but he came With his dame like a flame- A discharge is a wonderful thing. The limerick form is complex Its contents run chiefly to sex. It burgeons with virgeons And masculine urgeons, And swarms with erotic effex. There was a young fellow named Lancelot, Who his neighbors all looked on askance alot Whenever he'd pass A presentable lass, The front of his pants would advance a lot. In the Garden of Eden lay Adam, Complacently stroking his madam, And loud was his mirth For on all of the earth,There were only two balls -- and he had 'em. There was a young girl of Cah'lina, Had a very capricious vagina: To the shock of the fucker 'Twould suddenly pucker, And whistle the chorus of "Dinah." The nipples of Sarah Sarong, When excited, are twelve inches long. This embarrassed her lover Who was pained to discover! She expected no less of his dong. There was a young idler named Blood, Made a fortune performing at stud, With a fifteen-inch peter, A double-beat metre, And a load like the Biblical Flood. There was a young woman in Dee Who stayed with each man she did see. When it came to a test She wished to be best, And practice makes perfect, you see. A young man with passions quite gingery Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie. He slapped her behind And made up his mind To add incest to insult and injury. If you're speaking of actions immoral Then how about giving the laurel To doughty Queen Esther, No three men could best her- One fore, and one aft, and one oral. There was a young man of Kildare Who was fucking a girl on the stair. The bannister broke, But he doubled his stroke And finished her off in mid-air. A remarkable race are the Persians, They have such peculiar diversions. They screw the whole day In the regular way, And save up the nights for perversions. King Louis gave a lesson in Class, One time he was sexing a lass. When she used the word "Damn" He rebuked her: "Please ma`am, Keep a more civil tongue in my ass." There was a young man of Nantucket Whose prick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it." There was a young fellow named Tucker Who, instructing a novice cock-sucker, Said, "Don`t bow out your lips Like an elephant's hips, The boys like it best when they pucker." There was a young monk from Siberia Whose morals were very inferior. He did to a nun What he shouldn't have done, And now she's a Mother Superior. There was a young girl named Anheuser Who said that no man could surprise her. But Pabst took a chance, Found Schlitz in her pants, And now she is sadder Budweiser. A salvation Lassie named Claire Was having her first love affair. As she climbed into bed She reverently said, "I wish to be opened with prayer." There was a young fellow named Gluck Who found himself shit out of luck. Though he petted and wooed, When he tried to get screwed He found virgins just don't give a fuck. There was a young girl from Sofia Who succumbed to her lover's desire. She said, "It`s a sin, But now that it's in, Could you shove it a few inches higher?" There was a young girl who begat Three brats, by name Nat, Pat, and Tat. It was fun in the breeding But hell in the feeding, When she found there was no tit for Tat. There was a young lady of Maine Who declared she'd a man on the brain. But you knew from the view Of the way her waist grew, It was not on her brain that he'd lain. There once was a floozie named Annie Whose prices were cosy -- but canny : A buck for a fuck, Fifty cents for a suck, And a dime for a feel of her fanny. There was a young lady from Cue Who filled her vagina with glue. She said with a grin, "If they pay to get in, They`ll pay to get out of it too." A harlot of note named Le Dux Would always charge seventy bucks, But for that she would suck you, And wink-off and fuck you -- The whole thing was simply de luxe! There was an old whore named McGee Who was just the right sort for a spree. She said, "For a fuck I charge half a buck, And I throw in the ass-hole for free." A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em. But instead of a fine He would stand them in line, With his common-law tool to impale 'em. Ethnologists up with the Sioux Wired home for two punts, one canoe. The answer next day Said, "Girls on the way, But what the hell`s a `panoe`?" There once was a harlot at Yale With her price-list tattooed on her tail, And on her behind, For the sake of the blind, She had it embroidered in Braille. There was a young lady at sea Who said, "God, how it hurts me to pee." "I see," said the mate, "That accounts for the state Of the captain, the purser, and me." There was a young sailor named Bates Who did the fandango on skates. He fell on his cutlass Which rendered him nutless! And practically useless on dates. There was a young lady of Clewer Who was riding a horse, and it threw her. A man saw her there With her legs in the air, And seized the occasion to screw her. And then ther's a story that's fraught With disaster -- of balls that got caught, When a chap took a crap In the woods, and a trap Underneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought! There was a young man with a hernia Who said to his surgeon, "Gosh-dernya, When carving my middle Be sure you don't fiddle With matters that do not concern ya." There was a young man of Khartoum Who lured a poor girl to her doom. He not only fucked her, But buggered and sucked her -- And left her to pay for the room. There was an old rake from Stamboul Felt his ardor grow suddenly cool. No lack of affection Reduced his erection -- But his zipper had just caught his tool. Asquemish young fellow named Brand Thought caressing his penis was grand, But he viewed with distaste The gelatinous paste That it left in the palm of his hand. She made a thing of soft leather, And topped off the end with a feather. When she poked it inside her She took off like a glider, And gave up her lover forever. A vigorous fellow named Bert Was attracted by every new skirt. Oh, it wasn't their minds But their rounded behinds! that excited this loveable flirt.! There was a young lady from China Who mistook for her mouth her vagina. Her clitoris huge She covered with rouge And lipsticked her labia minor. A psychoneurotic fanatic Said, "I take little girls to the attic, Then whistle a tune 'Bout the cow and the moon --, When the cow jumps, I come. It`s dramatic." There was a young girl from Hong Kong Whose cervical cap was a gong. She said with a yell As a shot rang the bell, "I`ll give you a ding for a dong." Van Gogh found a whore who would lay, And accept a small painting as pay. "Vive l`Art!" cried Van Gogh, "But it`s too fucking slow -- I wish I could paint ten a day!" young man who lived in Khartoum Was exceedingly fond of the womb. He thought nothing finer Than the female vagina, So he kept three of four in his room. There was a young farmer of Nant Whose conduct was gay and gallant, For he fucked all his dozens Of nieces and cousins, In addition, of course, to his aunt. There was a young lady named Smith Whose virtue was largely a myth. She said, "Try as I can I can't find a man Who it`s fun to be virtuous with." When the judge, with his wife having sport, Proved suddenly two inches short, The good woman declined, And the judge had her fined By proving contempt of the court. The mathematician Von Blecks Devised an equation for sex, Having proved a good fuck Isn't patience of luck, But a function of Y over X. A lady athletic and handsome Got wedged in her sleeping room transom. When she offered much gold For release, she was told, That the view is worth more than the ransom. There was a young lady of Trent Who said that she knew what it meant When he asked her to dine, Private room, lots of wine, 'She knew, oh she knew! -- but she went!