Totally Nasty & Bad Jokes (urghhhhh) {}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{} If you're easily offended..hit the big ole spacebar...read further only with an empty stomach Give me no grief for including these...you can buy Gross Jokes type books in any store...and these jokes belong there! Jokes submitted by Dr. Scar. ----------------------------------- 1. What does Linda Lovelace and the Bermuda Triange have in common. -They both eat seamen. 2. How do you get four queers on a bar stool? -Turn it upside down. 3. What do you do in case of fallout? -Put it back in and take shorter strokes. 4. What do you do with a dog that doesn't have any legs? -Take him for a drag. 5. Why is there a string on the end of a tampon? -So you can floss after you eat. 6. What did Jim Brady (Reagan aide) say when asked how he felt about his job? -I must have had a hole in my head to take this job; if I had half a brain I'd leave. 7. One ovarie to another, "Hey, did you order some furniture?" The other one, "No, why?" -"There's a couple of nuts outside trying to shove an organ in." 8. How do you know that an elephant's been fucking in your garage? -Your hefty bags are missing. 9. What does a guy with a 12 inch cock have for breakfast? -I usually have bacon, eggs... 1O. You know it's going to be a bad day when you get to your office and the 6O Minutes News Team is waiting. 11. What's the ultimate rejection? -You're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. 12. This really conceited guy is screwing this really conceited girl and she says, "Aren't I tight?" He says, "No, just full." 13. Why are hockey goaltenders and Polish girls alike? -They both change their pads after 3 periods. 14. Why did God create the orgasm? -So Blacks would know when to stop. 15. Why is being a dick not all it's cracked up to be? -First of all you have a head but no brains; there's a couple of nuts following you around all the time; your next door neighbor is an asshole and your best friend is a cunt. 16. Why do women have 2 holes so close together? -In case you miss. 17. How do you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? -If she farts her ankles swell. 18. Where do you get virgin wool? -From ugly sheep. 19. What did Adam tell Eve? -Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets. 2O. Did you hear about the Deaf O.B.-Gynocologist? -He had to learn how to read lips. 21. What goes into thirteen twice? -Roman Polanski 22. Why do hummingbirds hum? -Because they don't know the words. 23. What's ugly, yellow, and sleeps alone? -Yoko Ono 24. Where is an elephant's sex organ? -In his feet; if he steps on you, you're fucked. 25. Did you hear about the Greek that left home because he didn't like the way he was being reared? 26. Why don't Puerto Ricans have checking accounts? -Because it's hard to sign checks with a spray can. 27. What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker? -Hop in. 28. This guy walks in a bar, walks up to the bartender and says, "I'd like a scotch & soda and I'd like to buy that douche-bag at the end of the bar a drink." The bartender says, "Hey, she's a regular and you can;t be talking about her that way." The guy says, "Okay, I'd like to buy that nice young lady at the end of the bar a drink." The bartender says, "That's more like it," and he walks up to the girl and asks her what she wants to drink. She says, "Vinegar and water." 29. Why are eggs so frustrated? -Because they only get laid once, they only get eaten once, and you've got to boil them to get them hard. 3O. This face seats five, let me clear off a place for you.