===== Addendum to System/370 Assembler ===== Mnemonic Meaning -------- ------- AI Add Improper ARZ Add and Reset to Zero BBL Branch on BLinking indicator BCB Blow Circuit Breakers BH Branch and Hang BO Byte Operator BPO Branch and Power Off BSCR BackSpace Card Reader BSD BackSpace Disk BSPR BackSpace PRinter BSST BackSpace and Stretch Tape CM Circulate Memory CP Circulate Pages CVRN ConVert to Roman Numerals DAC Disable Air Conditioner DO Divide and Overflow ED Eject Disk EROS Erase Read Only Storage FSRA Form Skip and Run Away HCF Halt and Catch Fire IIBR Ignore Inquiry and BRanch JCP Jam Card Punch JCR Jam Card Reader JPR Jam PRinter LOC Lock Operator's Console MDB Move and Drop Bits MLP Multiply and Lose Precision MLR Move and Lose Record MWC Move and Warp Core MTI Make Tape Invalid PD Punch Disk PDS Pause and Delay Schedule PI Punch Invalid PO Punch Operator PS Print and Smear RCSD Read Card and Scramble Data RIP Read and Interchange Parity RIRG Read InterRecord Gap RIV Read InValid RNR Read Noise Record RPR Read PRinter RPRB Read PRinter and Blush RSC Read and Shred Card RWBT ReWind and Break Tape RWCR ReWind Card Reader SPS Short Power Supply SRSD Seek Record and Scar Disk SSD Shuffle Source Deck SSJ Select Stacker and Jam SSP Scratch Systems Pack TDB Transfer and Drop Bits TWR Tape Wind to Rewind UER Update and Erase Record WWLR Write Wrong Length Record XOI eXecute Operator Immediately .AQOT ........Advance clock to quitting time .BH ........Branch and hang .BST ........Back-space and stretch tape .CM ........Circulate memory .CMI ........Clobber monitor immediately .CRN ........Convert to Roman Numerals .DAP ........Deselect active peripheral .DC ........Divide and conquer .DMPK ........Destory memory project keys .DO ........Divide and overflow .DVH ........Destory volume header .DWIT ........Do what I'm thinking .EDR ........Execute destructive read .EIOC ........Execute invalid on code .EMU ........Emulate 407 .EP ........Execute programmer .EROM ........Erase read-only memory .FOPI ........False out of paper indication .FSRA ........Form skip and run away .HCF ........Halt and catch fire .HRPR ........Hang-up and ruin printer ribbon .IEOF ........Ignore end-of-file .IIB ........Ignore inquiry and branch .LCC ........Load and clear core .MLR ........Move and loose record .PBD ........Print and break drum .PIC ........Punch invalid character .PPL ........Perform perpetual loop .RASC ........Read and shread card .RIRG ........Read inter-record gap .RS ........Random slew .SFTT ........Strip from tractor teeth .SH ........Spontaneous halt .SMD ........Spontaneous memory dump * .SPSW ........Scramble program status word .SRSD ........Seek and scar disk .SRZ ........Subtract and reset to zero .SSJ ........Select stacker and jam (1,Mr. DNA) A sysop is a moron, (1,Mr. DNA) a useless kinda clod, (1,Mr. DNA) He spends his days composing text, (1,Mr. DNA) and thinks himself a god. (1,Mr. DNA) He cannot hold his liquor, (1,Mr. DNA) his bladder's like a sieve. (1,Mr. DNA) This introverted sorry swine, (1,Mr. DNA) Has no real right to live. (1,Mr. DNA) Chorus: Oh sysop sysop go away and leave our BB be, (1,Mr. DNA) We do not want to see your face on DECWAR or CB. (1,Mr. DNA) A sysop is a nurdnose, (1,Mr. DNA) a chowder-headed punk, (1,Mr. DNA) He gets a PPN for free, (1,Mr. DNA) I wonder, Sysop in the sky, (1,Mr. DNA) Why do you spawn this breed? (1,Mr. DNA) Of egotistic impotents who (1,Mr. DNA) haven't learned to read. (1,Mr. DNA) Chorus: Oh sysop sysop go away and leave our BB be, (1,Mr. DNA) We do not want to see your face on DECWAR or CB. (1,Mr. DNA) A sysop is contented; (1,Mr. DNA) His blighted worldview sings a song (1,Mr. DNA) of disco melody. (1,Mr. DNA) A sysop is a greedy fool, (1,Mr. DNA) An impish sort of snot, (1,Mr. DNA) A sysop is the kind of man (1,Mr. DNA) Will Rogers would have shot. (1,Mr. DNA) Chorus: Oh sysop sysop go away and leave our BB be, (1,Mr. DNA) We do not want to see your face on DECWAR or CB. (1,Mr. DNA) [the end] Well, first off, it isn't "my" song... it's something I captured in a Compu- Serve CB session one night many months ago. I don't know what tune DNA meant forit to be sung to, and I don't know if he'd even remember it. He might deny ever having written it if I asked him about it <>. Invent your own tune for it, I guess. Lv: 4 0 Gen A Sys --------- 19-Mar-82 07:03:00 Left for: Computer Laws Contributed by Bodyguard [70105,1030] Gen A Sys (IBM) In the beginning, there was chaos and the Universe was without form and void. The Lord looked upon His domain and decided to declare His presence. "I be" he said, then to correct his grammar added "am." If the Lord had decided to work on irregular verb conjugation first, this wouldn't have happened. God would later curse the English language for its part, but in that moment IBM came into being. The Lord looked out upon the IBM He had created and said "This is good." That's what He said, but He shook his head, wondered what the boys at the User Group would say, split the light from the dark and went to bed. Thus passed the Beginning and the end of the first day. On the second day, the Lord summoned IBM unto His presence. "There is chaos out there, and the Universe is without form and void. I must correct this and I can use your help. Is there anything you can do for me?" "I can take care of form," IBM replied. "Put me in charge of computers and I will take care of form for you." The Lord thought that this was good and said "Let there be computers. Let IBM have my powers of creation that pertain to computers and form." Thus saying, the Lord went off to His second day's work while IBM created the 1401. On the third day, while the Lord was out, IBM decided to subdivide the assgined task. "Let there be systems that make the computer work and let them be called Operating Systems. Let there also be systems that make use of the computer and let them be called Application Systems." Thus, there came into being both Operating Systems and Application Systems, but there were no programmers. The next morning IBM had to give the Lord a status report. "What did you do yesterday?" the Lord asked. "I invented the operating system" IBM replied. "You did?" the Lord shuddered. "Oh dear." "Yes I did," IBM confirmed, "but I find I need something you alone can provide." "And what is that?" "I need programmers to use my computers, to operate my operation system and to apply my applications." "That can't be done now," said the Lord. "This is only the fourth day and there won't be people until the sixth day." "I need programmers and I need them now. If they can't be people they can't be people, but we have to work this out today." "Give me some specifications and I'll see what I can do." IBM hastily worked up specs for programmers (are specs ever anything other than hasty) and the Lord reviewed them. The Lord knew the specs weren't sufficient but followed them anyway. He also made some programmers that did just what programmers were supposed to do, just to spite IBM. The programmers and IBM spent the rest of the day creating the Assembler and FORTRAN. On the morning of the fifth day, IBM reported to the Lord once again. "The programmers you created for me have a problem. They want a programming language that is easy to use and similar to English. I told them you had cursed English, though I still don't know why. They wanted me to ask your indulgence on this. The Lord had cursed English for good reason, but didn't want to explain this to IBM. He said "let there be COBOL" and that was that. On the status report of the next day IBM announced that computers had gone forth and multiplied. Unfortunately, the computers still weren't big enough or fast enough to do what the programmers wanted. The Lord liked the idea of going forth multiplying, and used the line Himself later on that day. This sixth day being particularly busy, He declared "Let there be MVS" and there was MVS. On the seventh day God had finished creation and computers had COBOL and MVS. The Lord and IBM took the day off to go fishing. IBM hung a sign on the door to help programmers in his absence. IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY TRY AGAIN - AND HAVE THE FOLLOWING READY BEFORE CALLING IBM. This was the start, and by some accounts the end, of On the start of the second week the programmers went over IBM's cathode ray tube directly to God. "We have a horrible problem," the complained. "Our users want systems that perform according to their expectations." "USERS!" the Lord bellowed. "Who said that you should have users! Users are the difference between good and bad applications, a function I have reserved unto myself! Who authorized you to have users?" "Well, IBM..." "IBM! You! You did this to my programmers! You gave them the knowledge of good and evil. For that you shall suffer through eternity! "Let there be competition. Let it be called Anacom, and Burroughs, and CDC." The Lord went through the alphabet several times. "With all this competition you shall still suffer the pain of antitrust legislation all the days of your existence. This was the start of the second week, and it seems an appropriate place to conclude our report. In case you missed something, a summary of key points follows. Users and their needs are and always have been a subject of dispute. Nobody can learn English because it is cursed by God. IBM manuals are doubly cursed and therefore twice as hard to understand. Of the programming languages, only COBOL can claim divine origin. People are people, but programmers are something else. Computers may be a gift from heaven, but there's no divine help in getting them to work. Because of IBM's initial assignment, there are more forms than anyone knows what to do with. Finally, chaos was part of the original state of the Universe and not a product of the data processing industry. ============================================================================== ___ ___ (___><___) .....And if you enjoyed this TextFile, call The Works, 914's \ _[]_ TextFile BBS: \______/ \_____ The Works _\ ========= _______________ \>\ (914)-238-8195 24 Hrs. 900+ Textfiles Online / \ \ 300/1200 Baud, N,8,1 Home of Terror Ferret / \___> 10 Megabytes of Storage ANSI Graphics Optional ============================================================================== Call The Works BBS - 1600+ Textfiles! - [914]/238-8195 - 300/1200 - Always Open