File : SPH-5.TXT Author : Bat Bastard BBS : The Banana Republic BBS SPHEROIDS, PART 5 IN SUBURBIA, NO-ONE CAN HERE YOU VOMIT The morning after the night before. A resounding knock on the door woke Lacy and Tilly from their respective slumbers.Shaking off the empty beer cans, and evicying a large symbiotic colony of lice from her hair with the fire brush, Lacy made her way to the door.She opened it. "Bugger off !, we're C of E" was her opening gambit. "My dear young lady, " began the man who had ,had he known it, cut short a steamy slumbertime encounter between Lacy, and the cat from Postman Pat (the black and white one), in the land of nod.(actually, Lacy's TV was itself black and white, and Lacy had always imagine Postman Pat's cat to be a beguileing shade of vermillion, for such are the perils of living in a post industrial society) "I am the undertaker", he continued ,smoothing down a wayward lick of hair on his balding, yet dandruffed pate, in an attempt to aid his sluggish cogitative proces's." I am here, if you will pardon the expression, to 'measure your stiffy'" "youed better come through, then"said Lacy, directing him arround the pool of vomit, and into what passed for the kitchen. "Who's that?" Bellowed Tilly, from her boudoir, the hot water closet. "The undertaker!" replied Lacy, in tones that caused caused a standing wave to be set up, and shatter the only clean glass in the house before they died away.(this however , was no loss as it had become lodged underneath the skirting board in the masterbedroom ,when thrown there many years before , by a client of mummies, after she had stolen his false teeth, and it had since become a urinal for inconvienienced vermin) " The undertaker?" replied Tilly "I say, has anyone made the stiffy joke yet?" "Quit the alternative humor, and come down here and help me open the freezer" yelled Lacy. Tilly complied (and thus became guilty of complacency after the event) and between them, the soon had the freezer open. "There you go!" cryed Tilly, triumphant, pushing aside several six pax, to reveal the cadaver of her mother. "She'd begun to smell a bit " She offered , by way of explaination, "(well more than usual , anyway), so we popped her in with the six pax. She would of liked it that way. Now, which is cheapest, burial, cremation, or mulching her up as compost?" "Well," began the undertaker, as he looked to heavan, the kind of look Tammy Baker assumed, when explaining her millions , " the compost option is very popular today, and so.... so...." "Composed?" offered Tilly "Decomposed!" ejaculated the undertaker , with the light of certainty in his eye. " and whats more, you get 50 cents a kilo . I'll be round at lunchtime" As he made good his exit, a neutrino passed into Tilly's skull, annihlateng itself within her frontal lobe, and sparking a strange thought...... TO BE CONTINUED ! ! ! !!! ! ! !!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AUTHOR : Bat Bastard ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brought to the WORLD by The Banana Republic BBS -------------------------------------------------------------------------------