mushrooms first time, i was sitting painting trying to just ease into the unknown. i kept on testing my mind for what was "different", as i tend to do. of course i thought i was feeling everything when i was feeling not much.. i was very much trying to control the situation. anyway i didn't really "let go" the whole time, i felt far away, out of time, struggling. it sucked. i couldn't say a word, could NOT express my thoughts, and this sorta confused me. the whole thing ended up having to do with talking, realising how shallow it is and how everybody knows everything without talking, or something like that. second time was something else. i tried to control it as well, but then i noticed this triangle on the ceiling from light and it was the first time i ever "let" myself hallucinate. that triangle became the central comfort zone i kept going back to, it was like a mountain or something and was totally beautiful. we sat in this room the whole time. i went through so much stuff, i cried a bunch of times and it felt fucking great. i realised communicating was stupid, and you don't trip "with" somebody (the person kept trying to pull me into his thing, i kept trying to get him into mine) you are on your OWN, and that is what is important. that trip was about being validated in your own mind instead of trying to get it from other people. i really got deep into myself. it was like changing channels though. the person i was with changed faces a million times. i mean from sinister and evil to dying and sickness to godlike, it was crazy. the weirdest thing was towards the end, i was looking up at the triangle and the whole trip turned BAD on me, totally, like a bad 60's movie. it was like it DIED. everything that was beautiful turned ugly, and i kept seeing it even when i closed my eyes and opened them again. i freaked out and turned on the light in the room and realised i was AWARE of time, it freaked me out, i couldn't stand it, because i COULD NOT COMMUNICATE it to my partner. i calmed myself down by staring at the ugly bad stuff and facing it, but after that everything seemed freaky like when i would look at my friend he had these toothbrush bristles growing out of his face. i stared them down and became him, communicating face to face, trying to see if we were reading each other's minds or something. after a while we ate and stared at clouds....it was weird. -- rec.drugs.psychedelic