\--------------------/ | FUN AT THE AIRPORT | /--------------------\ Airplanes, airplanes, everywhere Something special in the air. Midway, Eastern, Continental to India, Mexico, the Orient-al. BUT there is a pit-stop here, Airports: The thing we all fear. OK, in everyone's life there comes a time when they must visit the airport. For most of us, this is one of the most unpleasant experiences we will ever have. You walk in to a huge building filled with annoyed tellers waiting on 60 people each. The first thing you must do is find the tellers for your airline, usually something like "Air Iraq - we get you there, you get back", then you wait in line for 45 minutes, only to give some '60's lady your luggage, which is subsequently hauled away to God Knows Where. Then you are allowed the privelage of wandering into some person-filled room looking for a screen that has your flight on it. 9 out of 10 times, your flight has already left. Then you have to wait another 2 - 10 hours for the next one. This file is Fun Things To Do While Waiting For The Next Flight. Pretty Obviously, the funnest thing to do is to bother the Hare Krishnas... turn the tables for once. The following is a list of the "Top 10 ways to annoy the Hare Krishnas" 10: Unzip your pants, then wait till they ask if you want to buy a flower, say yes, take the flower, when they ask for payment, flash open your coat and run. 9: Tie a string from the end of that ugly little pony tail they all have to the truck that carries the luggage. 8: Ask him to explain the workings of his god, and then walk him into the men's bathroom while he's blabbering and leave him there. 7: Light off some smoke bombs and steal all their flowers, or better yet their money. 6: Ask him if he's ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight 5: Wait till he asks if you want to buy a flower, then say: "Why, yeth, I thertainly would... How bout I buy one and give it to you, ya sexy little guy!" 4: Find one in a stall in the bathroom, and knock on a door saying: "Hello, sir, my name is Washington, and I'm a Jehovah's witness, would you like to hear about..." 3: Put his pony tail in the escalator railing. 2: Ask him if he wants his head shined. 1: Walk up to one and say "Hey, you wanna buy a used car? I know cars, I'm a car guy, I got cars, you know I got cars...." OK, so they weren't that great, but how many things can you do to a Hare Krishna? Here are some more fun things to do... Somehow get to the control place and broadcast into a room full of arabs: "Salman Rushdi, I repeat Salman Rushdi, your BLT has arrived, please pick it up at the cafeteria, oh and your armed guard will not be necessary, I assure you there are no arabs in THIS airport." That oughtta get a reaction. Get into the utility room, and wait until you see an old guy approaching a water fountain, then direct all flow of water in the airport to that water fountain, and watch him blow his own head off. Then get onto the speaker and say "Attention all, there has been a bomb discovered in 's handbag, please proceed to render him/her unconcious as soon as possible, then evacuate in a neat and orderly fashion." Then you get to watch a real genuine human stampede. Then you can go to the cafeteria and take all the dough out of the cash register... and a donut to go with that. Or get to the utility room and broadcast "Ladies and Gentlemen, we're sorry, but all of your luggage has been lost. And it is all the fault of , working at terminal ##, please take all complaints there." Or, of course, my personal favorite, get in the longest line and ask for tickets to Lower East Mongolia, and then argue about the price until the teller loses it. Our Story This is a tale of a common flight to Anytown, Any country on a common airline that can be found at an airport near you. Unstable Postman and I, together with a few other insignificant people, were flying to North Carolina. For purposes of this story we'll call ourselves Vito and Vinnie (Same as last story). We walked into O'hare airport, at the time there being no flight from Midway to Broadway airport in Raleigh, and we were prepared to face the horrors of an unrelenting airport. We walked to the United airlines terminal, and got in the shortest line we saw (Just shy of 4,954,384, people), and waited. And waited. And waited. Finally, we got to the counter, faced by a lady with a beehive hairdo, who seemed to be genuinely angry at the world. We forked over our tickets, and our luggage, and waltzed on down to the waiting. . . place. Luckily, by a stroke of some odd luck, our plane hadn't left yet. We boarded, and waited another.. say... 4 centuries before the damn thing took off. But when it finally did, the flight was actually relatively pleasant. There were only 9 (out of a normal of at least 10) crying babies in the seat next to us, and they were only out of our first 19 (instead of the normal 20) choices for drinks. We arrived in NC after about an hour and a half of flying, and stepped out, once again, into the battlefield. Broadway airport was considerably neater and more organized than O'hare, but it was still an airport, and one must never drop his guard in an airport. We walked to the baggage claim to get our luggage, while braving a host of 2 year old kids attemting to surf the rotating rubber mats that would eventually bring us our things. One obnoxious little toddler almost got his when he was sucked halfway in behind those curtains that nobody ever sees behind, where all the luggage comes from, and then given a beating by his apparently tired and annoyed father. By some miracle, our baggage actually did come, and we walked out of the airport with high spirits, for the first time in history defeating the invincible enemy. We hadn't lost anything besides 4 hours that we SHOULD have had, and we had a whole vacation to dread the return trip. THE END *** Text Preserve classic textfile preservation * http://come.to/textpreserve/