-= THE BABYSITTING BLUES =- By DiLiTHiUM of /|narchists /--|nonymous Dilithium here.. Well, times are tough and so are my grandmother's pork chops. That is why I have resorted to BABYSITTING (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!) as a means of income. Now, Babysitting can be GREAT fun (After all, who else will pay you to sit around, raid the guy's liquor cabinet and watch TV all night?) not just for lounging, you lazy ass sloth, but for PHUN!! Look, you know as well as I do that there is nothing better than watching a small child grow up into a well-off Anarchist! It makes me feel real fuzzy inside. Well, here is a GOOD way to get off to a good start! MOLECULE 1 - ROTTING THE CHILD'S MIND This Molecule will deal with how *YOU* can get the child off to a nice, warped start. First, Play a few games with the little critter. Tired of endless matches of TV tag or Hide n' Seek? How about RAPE PLAY! First, dress up a little dolly like Missy the Love Slut. Then teach the kid to attack, rape and eventually put a knife through the doll's chest. Teach him the art of Strangulation, Anal sex, oral masturbation, and finally, doing away with the doll with a Ginsu. After teaching him how to strip the corpse and hanging the beaten, violated doll over the stairwell, tell him bedtime stories about satan and fun stuff like that. Tell him in order to live, he must sacrifice 1 (one) stuffed animal each night to Zorgon the space god. Trust me, he WILL do it! Next, teach him another good game, called "Make love to Fluffy". Tell him that there is a secret treasure hidden up the cat's ass, and he must find it with his tongue. Tell him to look every night until he is eighteen. Again, he WILL do it! It'll make his parents wonder why he keeps licking the cat's ass whenever they walk into the room! Its fun watching him go to therapy every day for no reason! Also.. Teach the kid to Masturbate at an early age, and tell him to go it often and in public places! Another fun thing to do if to invite your girlfriend over and have sex while the crit is upstairs. MOLECULE 2 - INJURY!! This is always fun! One thing to do is teach him how to play HOUSE CAR! Grab a set out house keys and tell him that the house is really a car, and to insert the keys in all of the little 'keyholes' throughout the house, namely the electricity receptacles. Tell him to do it ONLY when the sun is shining through the window. That way the paramedics have a better chance of finding him! Another fun thing to do is to teach him how to make "Fire Salad"!! Mix all sorts of things into a bowl that will burn. For example, put paper in as the salad, cotton balls as cherry tomatoes, styrofoam for croutons, etc. Then add the 'Dressing', namely Paint thinner or High-Octane gasoline. Toss, Light & serve! Serves 8 and one Fire Dept. crew. Also.. Teach him how to make a flamethrower out of a can or hairspray and a match! Let him go wild burning everything from magazines to the dog. But watch out! He may turn on you! MOLECULE 3 - Crafts! If all of this rape play and fire salad gets tiresome, why not sit down at the kitchen table and make crafts! Craft 1 - Cheque paper dolls get the family cheque book down and teach junior how to play with paper dolls! But instead of using paper use the cheques. See who can make the longest one! Craft 2 - Glue dolls This is fun. Break out your private stash of Airplane glue and give some to the little tyke. After you both are nice and high try to trace the spots floating past your eyes with the glue. The most creative one after you crash wins. Craft 3 - Maxi-boats (w/ wings) This is REALLY fun! Go upstairs and grab all of his mom's maxi pads that you can see (Unused!) and make little boats out of them. Save a few for Junior to show mommy and have toilet races with the rest. Craft 4 - Deck the halls Go upstairs again and grab dad's aftershave. Tell him that its holy water and he must spray all of the walls with it. Tell him that if he doesn't demons from another street will eat him alive. Fearing death, he will then proceed to sprinkle the walls with the juice, making the house a nice drippy mess when his folks come home, but won't the house smell real MANLY? And I wonder why they never asked me back... Well, thats about it for me. See you later! But first.. Guile: Thanks for reading my stuff! Myxzu: Thanks for letting a Lamer like me on your board! Chromium: You are an asshole, just like in my .MODs! Icepick: Thanks for telling me! L8r. Micmastur: Where the hell are my Amps? Marsher: The clutch on my car STILL slips! look at it! Bye y'all!